Uninvited plus ones

@Zulander- well said. If also like to add there are people on guests lists most of the time we don't know, the obligation people (we all have them, our parents but you can't not invite little Jimmy). And I wish those people could back channel or be adults and say maybe you didn't realize I've been living with Mary for 2 years is there anyway for her to come? My mom's cousin did that, and we did have room. But she did that before sending back the RSVP!

KM, I have never seen any etiquette book that says a must invite is more than spouse, fiance and maybe live in or long term partner. If you have seen one, let us know.

I thought all guests were allowed a plus one ??

ER, no requirement that all get plus ones. Hosts/brides should accept that if some decline, they decline. I do think that brides should consider whether the guests will know others there, travel etc.

It was my understanding that if guests don't have an SO by the time invitations go out, then they only get invited themselves, but some of these responses are contradicting that?

I thought the same, Coakley.

I would just tell them you cannot accommodate extra guests. If they weren't dating someone when you sent the invitations, you don't have to invite extra people now.

Just practice Olivia's statement. If you wanted a true plus one, you'd have included it on the invite. That is ludicrous of them.

I think OliviaP had the perfect response. I recommend you go with that. If this is a close friendship, he/she will understand.

If they were not dating when you sent out invitations, they do not get a plus-one.

You can't accommodate everyone that started dating recently!

I thought pretty much any adult single or not got a plus one esp for dw.

But totally agree rude to add without asking. Rude to define someone else's relationship But if they weren't dating when invite was sent out they should def ask first

Just call and say you can't accommodate

I definitely don't think it's your fault for them not being in a relationship when invitations went out, you had no way of knowing they'd get involved with someone.

Just call or send a message saying you're sorry but you won't be able to accommodate them.

Maybe youd be willing to B list their plus one? I know B listing is against etiquette, so correct me if I'm wrong ladies, but if you have an extra space due to declines maybe you could reach out and say you did end up having an extra seat, so if their so would like to come they are welcome to. I'm not sure if it's still rude to do this when it's just for their plus one.

I think some people just assume (look at pp comments) that regardless of who it actually is addressed to, that they get a plus one. In my social circle, we have had a few people ask about bringing dates already! I anticipate this is going to be an issue for us as well. My plan is to make sure my truly single friends are told in person and reiterated that dates are not welcome. I'm using capacity of the venue as my rationale, even thought that's not the case. But most people are very understanding of that.

@Jacks. The OP is not disrespecting anyone's relationship. As she clearly said, these people were not dating anyone when the invitations were mailed. They didn't have an SO to invite. The mere fact that they have now started dating someone, doesn't give them the right to rudely add in an extra person to their rsvp. They have 3 options: decline the invitation, accept the invitation for themselves only, or gently approach the hosts to see if a plus one is available and accept the fact that the venue may be at capacity.

Please feel free to cite your etiquette reference to the contrary.

Olivia--are you a wedding planner??!! PERFECT response!!

I am sorry, we can only invite X amount of people. Can you still come? Some guests are clueless.

Call them and explain the situation.. it's expensive per guest and I know we are close to our venue number as well and I'm sure once we send out invites this is gonna happen to me too. Although I already included most of single guest with a plus one in the rough guest list.

I definitely would no accommodate. People shouldn't assume they can bring someone.