Un-asking a bridesmaid?

I don’t see a need to state it if you claim you’ve drifted apart. Her availability to go to bridal shows & fittings should not dictate her place in a party. Are those not things she can do on her own? Maybe she really is busy. My ladies go to what they can. There’s no way for any of them to be in one place all at the same time (outside of the weddin) bc they live in different areas. I think we get so caught up in planning that we forget ppl have schedules too. Will your friend feel like a replacement if you add her in now after everyone else or will she not mind? Just some things to think abt! But..if you rarely talk to her now, I wouldn’t say anything unless she asks.

Has she bought her dress or shoes yet? Has she invested any money into her role as BM? If not, and you rarely talk, then I think it’s appropriate. If she’s already paid for her BM dress then I think you should refund her the money.

View Quoted Comment She definitely is busy! I know she isn't lying... she's pregnant, she started a new job... etc. I am SUPER empathetic of that. I don't mind if she can't go to things but in the last 11 months I've known her, I ALWAYS have to be the one to reach out and it feels like we're giving different amounts of effort. All of my other girls except this one other friend are out of state so i'm feeling REALLY lonely. No one to help plan. No one to go find a wedding dress (all family out of state). No bridal shower. No engagement party. No bachelorette party.

I haven't asked anyone else to be in the bridal party yet so my one friend who has literally been the only one doing anything/skimming pinterest with me/etc. wouldn't feel like an after thought...literally haven't even asked my maid of honor (though i know she knows it's coming). With not previous coworker, I was just SO excited while at work that I just blurted it out and asked her!

View Quoted Comment No. She hasn't bought anything. I haven't even asked anyone else to be in the bridal party yet. This all just happened so fast and i wish I would have slowed down.

Side note: she is the only friend I've asked to be in the bridal party so far. I haven't even decided on colors so she definitely not invested anything monetarily!

Are you prepared to not be friends with her anymore? Telling her you don’t want her to be a bridesmaid will likely end any friendship you have.

Then I’d probably let it continue to drift away, stop reaching out and stop talking to her about your wedding details she’ll get the hint. And if it comes up you’ll have to gently explain that you’d love to have her as a guest. Who knows, with being pregnant and then a brand new baby she might just be relieved not the be a BM.

Her husband is a groomsman but you’re going to un ask her?

I hate when l tell someone something in the heat of the moment and then regret it! Lol. Does she even know your date? I like what the previous poster said. Just let it continue to fizzle away. If she can never meet up and hasnt been involved it may be her way of saying she no longer wants the responsibility in the 1st place. It sounds mutual. I would stop all contact and see if she ever contacts you or even brings it up. If she does and its been way too much time that has passed l think l would just say l figured you weren't interested anymore seeing as how l Never see or hear from you? Girls are sometimesy then you can imagine. It can go either way but would prepare to chalk the whole thing up as a lose. Sorry.

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No, the person I want to ask has a husband who is a groomsman.

View Quoted Comment I think the friend she wants to replace BM with is the one with a husband in the bridal party. The current girl is a former coworker. But they don’t see each other now and rarely talk.

View Quoted Comment Oh! Oops. I misread that! Thanks for the clarification !

Just don’t talk to her about it anymore. If the time comes later on down the line just be honest with her.

View Quoted Comment I definitely understand being excited..I have made that mistake of asking someone too soon as well. Sadly she became too involved & then started being rude & overbearing so we haven’t spoke :/ I honestly feel like she has a lot going on based on what you’ve just said. The convo may not even be needed. If your other friends wants to be a bridesmaid than I say let her. Yes, we want the entourage & the events but they aren’t needed. I wish you luck! 😊

If you haven't asked anyone else yet, can't you just ask the others that you want to be in the party (including the local friend who is a girlfriend of a GM) without getting rid of the other woman? With the pregnancy and differences in your schedules/work/etc., if you just move forward with her and whoever the others are that you want, and it's too much for the pregnant friend, she may choose to drop out. I'd probably take a more passive approach -- move forward and include her as part of the group; she'll either join in or let you know she'd like to opt out. (FYI BMs and GM don't have to be "even," so if that's deterring you from asking the new friend I wouldn't let that stop you.) It's pretty tough for "asking someone to step down," to go well; unless she's done something horrible, it's likely going to make you look very rude. Good luck!

Your work relationship is over and she has a baby bump that has totally taken over her life. I wouldn't invest anymore time in her. Start fresh with your other ladies, ask the friend you originally wanted and move on. If she surfaces down the road just politely tell her you are thrilled about her pregnancy and know that takes precedence over all things and wish her well. Believe me, her focus is the baby and buying baby clothes not hanging out doing bridal stuff. Let her go...

I was asked by a really good friend to be a MOH a few years ago. At the time I was in college, I had started a new job and I was neck deep in another friends wedding as a MOH so I told her I couldn’t focus on her wedding just yet (at that point it was a year and a half away and I was almost done with the insane MOH duties for the other wedding). She said she understood but she completely just stopped talking to me. When I asked her what she wanted for her shower and bachelorette party I never got a text back from her and she hasn’t talked to me since. I was pretty hurt by that because we had been friends for 5 or so years and I wish she would have just said something to me instead of letting the friendship dissolve. You know your friend best, but I think if it were me I’d just bring it up and tell her you understand how busy she is and that it’s probably best for both of you that she not be in the bridal party anymore. But depending on how close you two are/were you might be able to just let it drift. I hope it all works out!

I did this with my fsil. I asked her, mostly bc I felt bad because I know she couldn’t afford it and she swore she could. We were close, but a lot of stuff happened and we drifted apart. I just stopped talking everything wedding with her. I didn’t bring it up, but she also knew when everything was booked to go so I feel like if she wanted to be apart of the wedding she would’ve showed up. It didn’t ruin our relationship, were just not as close anymore

View Quoted Comment Wait I mcomfuded. First you say other friends will go try on dresses. Then you say you have not asked anyone.
You complain she has not gone to dress shopping you don’t know your colors. You can still ask another friend but I would not un ask this one. Maybe your family or maid of honor can come in town to dress shoo with you. I feel like you have not really planned anything yet.

View Quoted Comment She she said the girls husband is groomsman.