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Just Said Yes April 2013

Trying to have a traditional wedding with disfunctional family!

Lindsay, on September 5, 2012 at 1:21 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

To make a long story short - the end result is that my fiance and I will be receiving no help financially or just help in general with our wedding. My family loves him, his family loves me - that's not the problem. My grandmother (we are very close) hates my mother (with good reason), at one point my grandmother told me not to invite my mother or she wouldn't attend...I can't do that as things have improved with my mother over the years. My fiance's family would help more if they could but most are out of town and not able financially - my grandma does not believe in spending money on a wedding. She keeps telling me not to provide dinner or have a reception, just have cake and have the "reception" at your house. Our house is small, my fiance has a big family and we have lots of friends that we want to celebrate with us. We have the money to pay for the wedding and reception by ourselves but it's hard to be excited with the lack of support and potential drama. Any advice/similar probs?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Lindsay, on September 5, 2012 at 10:25 AM
  • T
    VIP April 2012
    Tabatha ·
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    Why not take your friends and go to Vegas, Aruba, Jamaica? Lots more fun. Less drama and they give free wedding packages when you do certain things sometimes. Just an idea..

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  • Heather
    VIP May 2013
    Heather ·
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    Hmm, well we are not getting much help either. But you can't please everybody. I say do what you want, and if g'ma don't like it, she might just be unhappy, that isn't really fair if she isn't helping for her to give you rules. Do you think you can deal with her drama? If so, just go with the flow, do what you can and try to make her see your side of view. (You have always DREAMED of a big wedding, it makes you SO happy!! c'mon g'ma. get excited! LOL)

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  • Labake
    Master June 2012
    Labake ·
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    Look towards the future. You are building your own family now, and your family drama will mean very little to you if you keep the happiness of the event of your marriage at the forefront.

    Don't let it bring you down.

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  • Anonymous
    Devoted October 2012
    Anonymous ·
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    Don't let others opinions alter your dream wedding. Do what you and FH want to do to be happy. When you listen to too many other people, you lose site of what you and FH want. I agree with Labake...you are building your own family now. Don't let the stress of others and their drama impact this special time!! Enjoy!!

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  • MJ
    Master June 2013
    MJ ·
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    This may sound mean but we share nothing with anyone. From dress to colors they will figure it out when they get the invite. We read so much crap on these sites about people who tell others what to do and how to do it we decided silence is golden. We are 9 months out but so far so good. I say have the wedding you want, where you want with the food/drink you want. Have fun it will be a wonderful day as long as your happy with the things you have. If you want chocolate cake have it. Make you and your FH happy.

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  • Mrs. S™
    Master October 2011
    Mrs. S™ ·
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    Hi Lindsay, welcome to WW! Please change your avatar so that we can recognize you more easily. Here's how to do that and more:

    https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/new-to-the-weddingwire-forums-please-read-before-you-post/b433c40c1a62b96a.html

    Most families are dysfunctional one way or another. Every family has people who don't like some other people. But that has nothing to do with your wedding. Plan the wedding as you and your FH (future husband) want to have it. Everybody else, including family, are guests. Send them an invite, and they will decide if they want to attend.

    Same goes for money. Plan it with the funds you have. If somebody decides to chip in, great. But that often comes at a price. Cut the drama early. Somebody will always have something to say about your plans. Unless you're blatantly breaking etiquette rules, it doesn't matter. People can have their opinions. Excitement? You're marrying the person of your life! How exciting is that!

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  • H
    Master October 2013
    HalloweenBride ·
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    Plan the wedding you want, with the budget you have.

    Someone is going to have an opinion about EVERYTHING. Don't share details. Just don't. It will make things MUCH easier. Enough said.

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  • L
    Just Said Yes April 2013
    Lindsay ·
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    Thanks everyone for the advice! The hardest part is that my family is so small - the only close family I have is my grandmother, grandfather, mom & dad (divorced) and an aunt that lives out of town. I think you all are right in saying not to share any details. I haven't even taken any family to look at dresses with me. When I told my grandmother I found a dress I liked for $600 she told me to find a place to rent a dress (no places rent here anyway) or keep looking. Haven't invited my mom along because she is just too unpredictable/emotionally unstable. I know I shouldn't worry about it since we are paying for everything anyway but it's hard when someone you care about isn't involoved in the planning - or atleast not in a good way. We will try and do what makes up happy and not worry, thanks again!

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