Toxic Parents

So I confront him about it and he acts like a 12 year old. I remind him that they didn't always have money and no one shoved it in their faces and his only response was "I paid for my own wedding". So that was the straw that broke the camels back. I told him to cancel the caterer and venue and I'll pay back whatever he loses. He throws a fit and calls me ungrateful. I know the whole dinner picture thing may not seem like as big of a deal as I made it. But they were trying to a. Get me to ask to come along so they could have said no and b. Make me jealous that they were out eating and I wasn't. (There was even a comment made about how I was thirsty and they aren't" whatever. I just have no idea how to cut them out of my life. They always find some way to weasel back in and make me admit that I was wrong when I never was.

Basically I just need advice on how to get rid of toxic parents. I am so incredibly sick of being treated like I'm worthless and they're soooo much better than me.

These are your parents? Holy crap. If anything, they only have theirselves to blame for your misfortune (to a point). Especially if you didn't do anything horrible to put yourself in that position.

My dad just recently (over the past couple years) started making good money. He's 70, and this is the first time in his life that he's had a disposable income, so of course I get texts all the time of him having a good time with his new girlfriend. I take it with a grain of salt because I know he's coming from a good place. He's helped us out a lot lately so I can't hate him for it.

My family used to have zero money. They flaunt it and throw it in my face all the time. I have two younger sisters (21,18) that have never had jobs and my parents pay for everything of theirs.. Apartments, cars, insurance.. You name it. I don't even want their money, I just want them to stop treating me like I'm less than them because I don't make what they do.

ETA: I've been supporting myself since I was 17 and have never asked to move back in with them or anything, I always found a way to take care of myself. So I don't want this to seem like Im money hungry lol I know I sound a bit bitter about my sister situation

Then stop talking to them. Block them on Facebook, don't answer texts or calls, or even change your numbers.

Black hole everything. Period.

Read the book "Boundaries". I think it will do you good. Check it out from the library for free or buy a used copy. You might also benefit from a therapist who can help you set boundaries with your parents. See if your employer has an employee assistance program for that.

I'm sorry, that's really nasty of them! I too have a toxic mother and it's not fun. I'm always having internal arguments with myself. On one side, I know she's toxic, on the other, she's my mum.

I really don't have any advice for you, but I am truly sorry you are dealing with this. Hugs from me!

@mna easier said than done. I'm gonna have to try though.

They only live about 5 mins away from me and come to my work all the time so I feel like they're gonna come bother me if I completely ignore them

I'm sorry to hear about your folks. Although, I can't say that I am in the same situation, my mother has always had a strained relationship with her mother and some other family members for similar reasons. I'd say that if you are trying to work them out of your life, letting them pay for the venue and caterer for your wedding is not a good idea. I'd also stop feeding their fires by trying to be nice and responding their their obvious mind games. You don't have to be non-cordial, but you also don't have to say things like "wish I could be there". Just ignore that. If you truly want to get rid of them, stop trying so hard. Let go.

I'm sorry your family sucks. I'm not sure how close you live geographically but make it difficult for them to reach you. If I like my mom but can only see her a few times a yea when i actively try, it can be easier if you don't like them. Elope. Done. There is no money involved and you can go be with someone you like.

@leah it's just so hard cause they're my parents. I told my dad to cancel what he's paid for already so hopefully he follows through. This is going to sound soooo stupid but I just want them to freaking respect me and treat me like an equal. I do try hard. I wish I knew how to stop.

Block them. FHs parents are extremely toxic, mentally abusive. I finally made him realize that I'm his family now. That I would never treat him like that. And he finally saw that being family doesn't mean being treated in a way that makes you horribly sad and upset.

Do what is best for you and yourself. Block them out if that's what you need.

Shit. I am so sorry that these are your parents. My dad is a lot like this in being childish, arrogant, and obsessed with money. My dad told me recently when I defended my mom about something that I was being ungrateful and all this after "he went out of his way" to come to my wedding.

I wish I had good advice. I don't outside of not responding to their cruelty or giving them the time of day. Because all that BS you mentioned is horrible. Parents shouldn't act like that and please remember there is nothing wrong with you (or your financial position). They are the poison here. Maybe if you cut them out for a while they will see what they have lost and the error in their ways.

I can't say for certain on that, because my dad is the same asshole he's always been. But some people have the capacity to better themselves.

Either way I am so sorry. Please remember you are kind and don't deserve this.

Thanks @kiwi. That's my dad to a T. We've gone long times without talking and it does nothing to them. They just take it as me being a brat n

Melissa - it's not stupid to want to be treated with respect. Despite some parents' thought processes, respect is earned. And if they can't give you respect, they don't deserve yours. ETA: I know it's difficult to create space with parents when they live so close. But I think it will be worth your time and sanity to try.

I recently had a similar issue with my mom. She was sending me nasty emails and telling me how awful I am and so on. Block them. Delete them on Facebook, don't take their calls, don't answer their texts or emails. It's hard at first and it makes you feel like crap, but it's worth it in the end. I'm here to talk if you need to!

@ Melissa Totally understandable that it's hard to completely shut out your parents. Though you yourself said you needed advice on getting rid of toxic parents. You do have a choice between completely shutting them out, or try to change how you let them affect you. You honestly may never get them to show you respect, or treat you as an equal. And that's their problem, not yours.

@kiwi I feel like I'm that kid in the movies screaming "why won't they love me!" Lord.

@jakki thanks, that really means a lot I may have to take you up on that. Seems like the common answer here is to block them so that's what I'm going to have to do!

I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Block them. If she comes to your work try your best to ignore any negativity.

They come to your work?!

No.

You tell them, "You need to leave. Do not contact me anymore. If you do not leave or you contact me again, I will call the police." Send the warning in a text as well, and then follow through.

If you want them to stop you have to take a stand. If they harass you at work yes call the police.

Pay for your own wedding and block them.

That's awful that they dangled dinner in front of you and didn't offer to treat you. My parents would refuse my money if tried to pay my own dinner tab. That's what parents do for god sake!