Tough Decision, i need help brides

I think it would be good to just have an honest discussion with her. You picked her as a Bridesmaid for a reason, so it wouldn't hurt to just talk about why she's choosing that option now. Could be price, sizing, style, whatever. I get that it's frustrating but it's always good to come from a place of grace and understanding to get to the bottom of situation and make a resolution. Just set up a time to talk and maybe it could help!

View Quoted Comment Thank you. Some missing info. I asked was money the issue, what's the problem. Her reply was I'm trying to do what makes sense. Make sense for who??? I like structure and order. Not feeling her rn, everyone else is supportive and cooperative. For this to now be an issue is an issue.

If your info is correct and your wedding is in October 2024, I would just put this on the back burner and revisit it in around May, when it’s more within the timeline of buying a bridesmaid dress.

View Quoted Comment No ma'am the dresses have to be bought way before may. By May she will be replaced with a less stressful bridemaid

View Quoted Comment Why do they need their dresses so far in advance? Someone could literally become pregnant and give birth before your wedding at this point in time. People’s bodies change, so buying a dress so far out has more potential for issues than not. Also, asking someone to be a bridesmaid is meant to be an honor because of the close relationship you have with the person. Kicking them out of your wedding has a tendency of ruining or souring those relationships, so I would consider that before “kicking” her out and replacing her.

Four to six months out is plenty of time to purchase a bridesmaid's dress. I would back off on this until April. There is no reason for them to purchase this early.

It seems odd to me that you are so willing to kick her out so easily. You wanted her in your wedding for a reason - she's obviously important to you. I would have a conversation with her first.

Personally, I think it’s inconsiderate to require specific dresses when you’re already imposing the expense of a destination wedding. Not to mention you’re supposed to provide or pay for accommodations for out of town wedding party members. That might be something to think about before you start firing people for not wanting to empty their wallets on your behalf.

View Quoted Comment The dresses have to be ordered in advance because of the designer that I am getting it from. Yes bodies can change and so can alterations on the dress. Again, she chose the dress and the designer. 2ndly. I get it and ultimately don't want any bad blood, but when I decide to agree on being in someone's wedding. I do what the bride requires. Knowing it's not about me.

View Quoted Comment As I stated earlier I tried to talk to her and she was adamant about making things her way. These are not catalog dresses. I am not going to wait till April or May to make this decision when if I will need to replace her for whatever reason. I don't want to be a burden on someone else.

View Quoted Comment What you mean supposed to. It's a decision to be in someone's wedding. There's no rules on what you pay for or not. Idk how yall do things but this isn't a look however you want event. Firing her because she isn't support of her own ideas sounds justifiable when again... these were all of her ideas.

I totally get your frustration! Wedding planning and coralling a bunch of bridesmaids to buy their dresses and whatnot is stressful. I also get wanting to do stuff early cause it relieves stress closer to the day. It truly seems like the only thing you can do now is try to talk it out and come to some type of resolution (where you explain that she can't buy this random dress and the importance of the preferred dress). Since she's your cousin, are you okay with the fallback from her and anyone else from your family that would be upset if you didn't include her as a Bridesmaid? It sucks but you'll have to consider that too. At this point, it's best to be clear and polite but firm, saying that the bridesmaids have to get this one dress. Or, if she really wants to wear the Amazon dress, SHE can now take on that position to communicate and coordinate that change to the rest of the bridesmaids. That's an option too. You can try to communicate that in a tactful way so she doesn't see it as a spiteful thing.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your understanding. No I don't want to "kick her out" but if she is not onboard then she gets left behind. I will consider talking to her again. Bridesmaids are there to support the bride, not just to look pretty. If I don't have her support then I don't need her in that position. The most frustrating part was she planned this entire thing. She can certainly still come if she like but that's where I'm at with it. This has been 2 months already. If the rolls were reversed I would never do that to anyone I care about.

View Quoted Comment It’s you who seem to think there is a rule that being in a wedding party obligates one to endure unlimited costs. While it’s traditional for the bride to have some discretion over bridal party attire that is in consultation for budget, style etc. It sounds as if things have changed since she agreed on the dress which is not surprising with a destination affair. She likely has a better appreciation for the costs or perhaps there were unexpected expenses in her own life. IMO any true friend would appreciate that. Any traditional obligations go out the window when also imposing the burden of a non-traditional destination wedding which places added burdens both in terms of budget and time.


As for providing accommodations, that’s standard etiquette, though many people seem unaware of it.

View Quoted Comment You seem very judgy and need to relax. Of course I nicely asked about personal things because I would help her. Fyi you gotta read before you come for me. She picked the dress. She picked the place. She is the one that chose all of this. They all agreed. Now it's final.

View Quoted Comment Have the other bridesmaids ordered their dresses? Has anything changed that could make her not he able to afford the dress that was originally selected? Maybe when she selected it she didn't realize the cost of everything else. You need to look at the entire picture. It doesn't matter if she selected it. What matters is the now.

View Quoted Comment She keeps saying its not the money. She's not like that. If she doesn't have it, she is very vocal. I wish it was as easy as saying what it is so I know how to help. Being nasty with me is going to make me delete the surrounding stress

View Quoted Comment I'm very curious where these dresses are coming from.

Obviously there is a reason she is wanting to wear this other dress, rather than the one she originally chose. You need to have a friendly, non-judgmental conversation with her to determine WHY she is no longer wanting to purchase the original dress. Then go from there. Honestly, your wedding is still a long ways out; there’s still plenty of time to find a different dress. I wouldn’t be so rigid on sticking to the original dress idea (after all, you aren’t the one wearing it). If that one isn’t working for your BM, find one that is. If it’s the style making her feel uncomfortable, find a different style. If it’s a financial thing, find a dress that’s more affordable. Or, make things easy on everyone, and just pick a specific color and let each woman choose a dress in that color that they feel comfortable and confident in. Tbh, matching dresses for wedding parties are pretty outdated anyway. Most people are letting bridesmaids choose their dresses within a specific color.

I’m curious what you want from us. You seem to have your mind completely made up on what you want to do and how. What is it you want advice on?

View Quoted Comment Great question Andrea and I'm not sure. No my mind isn't completely made up. I don't want to beg this girl to be in the wedding. This is my moment, I refuse to allow anyone else to make it about them. The dress from Amazon looks similar, same style and the price wasn't that much of a difference Like maybe $40-$50 which of she was having a financial problem i would help her as i always have in life. I would love her to be in it with an understanding. I have 0 tolerance for BS. I'm not going to argue when there is no just cause. I feel like this is the beginning of her starting trouble that is soooo unnecessary 😒.