Torn ..anyone elope and have a wedding later?

I definitely wouldn’t keep it a secret, I can’t imagine how hurt your family and friends would be if they found out. Also eloping would be your wedding. If you did something later it would be a vow renewal or celebration of marriage.

If you dont want to wait, why not move your date up and check with the venue to see if they have anything sooner vs eloping?

View Quoted Comment The reason the date is next year is because we can't afford to pay for everything sooner. Trust me I would have loved to set the date for this October

Definitely don’t keep it a secret. You really want to lie to all your friends and family for months? I would be upset. Can you invite only close family (parents and/or siblings) to your elopement so that they don’t feel left out, then have a vow renewal/reception in October?

My family would be beyond hurt and upset if I got married and didn't tell them. My parents would be so hurt and upset. IT would probably strain my relationship with them. I'm old enough to get married, i'm old enough to be honest about it and not hide/lie about it.

That happened to a user on here. Her daughter got married months before the wedding the MOB ad FOB were paying for. The bride kept it a secret, and when the parens found out they were' beyond hurt, and ended up cancelling everything.

Why not invite your parents/siblings to the eloping ceremony?

View Quoted Comment I had thought about doing this but I do not think that they would be happy about us eloping and having a big to do next year.

View Quoted Comment We just don't think they will be happy about us eloping.

View Quoted Comment

Kelly said it perfectly. My family would be really hurt and betrayed if I kept secret.

If you elope, that is your wedding. The marriage license is signed. Having another ceremony would be considered a vow renewal.

View Quoted Comment

They'd be even less happy to find out you eloped and lied about it for months..... Why not sit them down and talk to them about it??? You don't know how they'll react. If you want to elope and do a vow renewal do it.

View Quoted Comment Yes I know it would be considered our wedding but if we kept it a secret it would be the wedding in everyone else's eyes and to just me and him it would be the vow renewal.

I have read many accounts on here and elsewhere in which a bride did this. In every case, it eventually got out and people were extremely hurt by it. If you want to elope, and then have a celebration of marriage later, that's absolutely fine, just don't keep it a secret.

Don't lie. If you want to get married now, do it. If you want to have a vow renewal & reception whenever it is convenient, go for it. But, DO NOT LIE/attempt to keep your marriage a secret. It is HIGHLY likely someone will find out sometime and people are going to be VERY upset about the lying, if not the secret marriage. There are several huge threads in the history on this forum about people who have tried this and the fall out when the truth comes out, and they NEVER end well. A marriage license is a PUBLIC document, so it won't be a secret. If you want to get married now, own it...and share it!

The year goes by very fast if you're planning and paying for vendors

If you want to elope and keep it a secret, do not accept any money and help from family when you start planning the bigger party. It would be wrong to use their money when they wouldn't even know the truth. Is there a reason you want to get married so soon? Is it worth potentially ruining a relationship with your families over?

I'm curious if there is there a legitimate reason you can't wait? I feel like if you rushed it just to be married already, but couldn't even admit it to your friends and family that would kind of kill the excitement off. So I don't really see the point of doing this.

Don't do this. The day you elope IS your wedding day. The elopement IS your wedding.

I have known several couples that have made this decision. As you make your choice, I encourage you to consider the reason behind eloping, and how important the reaction of your family and friends will be to your happiness if they happen to find out. For example, my own parents actually eloped after they shared that they were engaged with their families. The word got out not a week after the elopement, and my grandfather withdrew his offer to pay for a formal wedding. I heard that very nearly until I was born, my grandmother wouldn't acknowledge that they were truly married. However, another close family member planned a wedding, but didn't tell anyone until a month before that they were getting married in Hawaii. They eloped for all intents and purposes; only about a dozen or so guests attended, but everyone attributed the expense of getting to Hawaii as the reason why so few people were there. At the end of the day, the decision is yours and you will have to be comfortable with whatever feelings are shared between you and your partner, and you both and your guests. Nothing will detract from the wonder, love, and excitement you will have on your wedding day, whenever and however you choose to celebrate your marriage!

We did this for immigration purposes. We didn’t have much of a choice. We got married earlier this year in the US and we are having our wedding celebration next year in my home country.
Honestly, it never ceases to amaze me how people can make such a big deal out of it on the internet. I told my family in advance and instruct them not to come for it. My husband told his family a couple weeks afterwards because he was afraid they would show up at the courthouse. To my knowledge nobody got offended.
People do this all the time in my country and nobody cares (the only valid marriage is at the courthouse so people usually have a second ceremony and the party and many couples wait for months to host the party for economic reasons)
We are planning our wedding and are super excited about it and everyone is excited for us 🙃

I did this.

we did and did not keep it a secret at the same time. our parents/siblings knew bc they were invited and attended the ceremony in March. However, many of our guests didn't know until they recently received their invite to just our Reception in September.

After we were married but before the invites were sent we did reach out to close close friends and other extended family that we felt should have know ahead of time. No one was upset. Everyone congratulated us and are looking forward to the reception.

Even since we have sent out the invites no one has cared. We have only received more well wishes, "congrats" and "cant wait".

I remember being nervous afterwards and scouring the internet for other's thoughts on our situation and i came across so many people saying its rude, not proper etiquette, how upset they would be if they were one of our guests -- all kinds of stuff. And i may be the exception but nothing bad came of it from any direction . i would do it again . AND im still just as excited for our reception next month and partying with our family and friends.

Do what works for you.

My mom would be crushed. Can you consider getting married with your immediate family only (parents, siblings)? Then you can do a reception or full vow renewal later with friends and extended family.