To tell or not to tell

Tim is Holly's boss. Are you sure she has a choice? Maybe she has on her game face.

Wow! I honestly don't even know how to respond to that. I wouldn't want to invite someone like that to my wedding either.

A few years ago I had a close friend who started dating a married man. She knew that I disagreed with what she was doing and that it was wrong. I didn’t drop her as a friend because she still had many of the qualities that caused us to be friends. Her actions were a really big error in judgement that could cause a lot of hurt to others. After a few months she broke it off. She stills feels guilty about her actions.

You need to do what you are comfortable with. I just wanted to share the experience I had. Good luck.

I was thinking more about Tim threatening her job, but in that case she could still go to her parents about it and get Tim fired. So, yeah, she must have a choice.

Out of curiosity, do you think she would want to bring Tim to the wedding as her Plus 1? Because that would be definitely No from me, and a reason not to invite her. Although, I'd be hesitant anyway.

If you choose to invite her, let her know that she's invited but she's not allowed a plus one. She'll bring him otherwise and it will upset you probably. If she asks for a plus one, allow it, but explain that you would rather she not bring Tim because you want it to be about celebrating marriage and while you're not one to judge her, you don't approve of her bringing a married man to your wedding as a date. It's frowned upon to say who they can/can't bring as a plus one, but it's also a know your friends/crowd situation. What happens if pictures are taken at your wedding and the wife finds out Tim went as Holly's date? Awkward. Hah.

If you choose not to invite her, don't send her an invite. If she asks why, you could explain that you love her, but don't like her current choice right now and you'd prefer to celebrate marriage and not infidelity. I've had a few people want to be invited, but I just never really acknowledged them asking me for an invite. I didn't send them one. At this point, I'm 11 days out and I think they're well aware they weren't invited. I don't have to give them a reason why.

I had a friend who was cheating on her husband (also my friend). I swore to her I would keep my mouth shut if she came clean and stopped the affair. She did. I wouldn't not invite her to something because at the end of the day she's my friend, but I don't agree with a lot of her decisions. I wouldn't go somewhere that her and the affair guy were though - nor would I have invited him to anything.

I think it's none of your business what she's doing with Tim. Tim may have an open marriage, he may be in the midst of a divorce, may just be a scumbag, you have no way to know that so I would hold off on the judgement. Plenty of people have "non-traditional" marriages. Also, Holly is not the one breaking marriage vows and has no obligation to "uphold" them, Tim is. Personally I think you're being super judgy and that's not a good reason to not invite your good friend to your wedding. Also, if Holly didnt' tell you this directly, it's all heresay and possibly gossip. I would invite her - although you certainly don't have to give her a plus one.

Ok fine. But it's still not your place to "talk her out of this". It's ok to be disappointed in your friends choices, but ultimately it's not your business and has absolutely nothing to do with you or your marriage. At all.

My first husband wanted to invite another woman into our marriage, to which I, of course, said hell to the no and I started to divorce him. He still proceeded to start swinging with other married couples and singles, which he kept secret until after our divorce. In fact, he got the one couple to divorce, he married the woman and her ex now swings with them as the third person. (Totally sick and twisted and it rots in my brain from time to time.)

Anyways, both your friend and her 'piece of tail' are in the wrong. They are both sick individuals. It is completely not fair to his wife and kids and I hope your friend comes to her senses. They both know he will never leave his wife, unless she finds out, as he doesn't want to pay spousal and child support. Keeping up their sick secret is much cheaper.

It really isn't your business what she does and who she would invite to your wedding. Now since she shared with you that she is a hoochie... that's up to you whether you invite her to your wedding or not. It might end your friendship. (I personally wouldn't associate with a person like that.) Now, if you do invite her to your wedding with a plus one, she might invite that guy, but you really don't have a say in that. If you want her to be at your wedding at all, invite without a plus one.

I really hope for the sake of his poor wife and kids, your friend will have some class and stop sleeping with a married man. Can't she find a single available guy?

People cheat. It happens. The other poster was correct in that you are probably surrounded by it more than you know. People usually do not come out and say it. It totally sucks for all parties involved, but there is usually a deep-rooted reason for it and it usually will end up with a lot of people getting hurt. Yeah, he most likely will not leave his wife and family, but I think you should cut your friend some slack too. She knows right from wrong, but her heart is clouded. She literally can not see it.

I had a friend who caught her fiance cheating and she broke up with him, but kept going back to him. All of her other friends called her stupid, but I was there to support her. Was she stupid? Definitely. However, I learned that someone telling her was not going to do anything so I figured I would be the one person to hear her out and not say anything about how wrong she was. She needed to fall on her face and go through those motions. It would be the only way she would "listen" and I would be there for when she fell.

I am not trying to stick up for her or say that she is correct in any of this! She is totally wrong, but I do think that she is in a place where she is lonely and he gave her attention and it is a whirlwind right now. Everyone wants that feeling that someone needs you and she thinks she is feeling that right now instead of seeing it is all lies.

Instead of judging how she respects the idea of marriage, be a good friend if you valued the friendship before this. If not, then cut your losses. I would still invite her (people make stupid decisions all the time) and just let her know that since you do not approve of her relationship, he is not invited. At the end of the day, when the relationship goes up in flames, it will not affect you at all (unless it happens at your wedding)!

Personally, I think you should talk to her. In my opinion, the people you invite to your wedding are the people who should help you keep to your vows, they are witnesses for a reason. That's what friends are for, to keep you in check when you may do something stupid, and to be honest with each other when we all do something stupid. But me personally, I would not invite her to my wedding due to those reasons, and she should respect you for that. If not, in my opinion as well, the friendship is not meant to keep. She can do whatever she wants and you have to deal with knowing about it....she should hold herself to the same standard.

I would be honest with her and explain your reason for not inviting her.