To Fire a Bridesmaid: Should i or Shouldn’t I???

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. No bling, no bring, boo boo.
There has to be a limit. I wouldn’t want a guest to bring a woman they just met at the bar the week prior.

Why is everyone saying that it’s rude to not invite someone that you don’t know?

Would you invite a stranger into your home?

I’ve had someone tell me that they were bringing their “Girlfriend” to my house for an event. 1. I don’t know her and I don’t want a stranger in my home. 2. You needed to ask.

I haven't read anywhere that they even knew about this alleged “Boyfriend”. Sometimes, Boyfriend is code for guy that I’m currently sleeping with on a regular basis.

You can’t invite someone that you don’t know about.

I invited my 1st Cousin’s Mom and had to add her NEW Husband that I knew nothing about.

My Mom’s friend asked if she could bring her special guy. I didn’t know anything about him either. So, I made room for him too.

But why you want to fire her less than a month from your wedding, you know all the problems that’s going to cause you. I know she haven’t been there like you want to but you just have to get over it, at least you have all the others bridesmaids helping you. Just think that’s your FSIL and you stock with her forever you don’t want that kind of problems

It’s rude not to invite her boyfriend because she’s in the bridal party. The “no ring no bring” thing doesn’t apply to the bridal party. It doesn’t matter if the SO has never met the B&G, they’re invited.
www.theknot.com/content/amphtml/plus-one-etiquette-guide
SiL is family, don’t let your wedding create a rift in family relationships.

And none of my bridal party assumed they got a plus one either, they all asked. One of which being my actual brother but he still asked me!

View Quoted Comment She’s your future sister in law. Her boyfriend should be invited as not only a family courtesy, but also as etiquette. They are a social unit, whether you like it or not, and need to be treated as such.

If if you don’t back down and relax, you are going to destroy your relationship with her. If you are alright with deeply offending your future sister, probably ruining any chance of friendship with her, and really don’t care about being polite, then yes, kick her out of your bridal party.

View Quoted Comment If the stranger is dating my sister-in-law, yes. That is basic courtesy.

Exactly this! Married couples are the only ones that matter? I know couples that have been together for years and could not get married until fairly recently. My own wedding was would not have been legal a few years ago. It is so disrespectful to dismiss entire groups of people AND to insist that everyone drop everything for a wedding. Our weddings are important to us, but at the end of the day they are just big parties.

View Quoted Comment I'm in school right now and in a class that I cant miss even one class (unless I have hospital documentation for myself or immediate family). I'm not sure if this is the case for her but I would just ask her why she cant miss a class. Maybe shes struggling and missing the content makes it harder... I hope everything works out.

I agree with a lot of PP. I would just let it go. I understand you're frustrated but firing your FSIL will cause so many problems. It was nice of you to ask her. It doesn't seem like she has done anything completely wrong here. However, if you feel she isn't interested maybe it's because she felt obligated to say yes. I know my SIL asked me to be in her wedding and I was torn on how to respond. She was engaged 2 days after me and asked me to be in her wedding like a week later. We hadn't even chosen a date for our wedding. I didn't think I could be a good bridesmaid so ultimately I said no. I felt so weird about it. Looking back, I made the right decision. She ended up getting married 2 months after me and I would have been so preoccupied. Honestly, I wanted to focus on my own thing.

It's okay to be disappointed. I would just focus on the wedding and your FH.

View Quoted Comment That means a lot coming from you!

I totally understand. I have a bridesmaid just like that. It's simply not a priority for her. If shes already bought her dress, I think it too late to remove her. Just try to focus on the people who are excited for you and dont let sil steal your joy. Hugs

View Quoted Comment It’s rude for someone to ASSUME that they can bring their significant other. Not once did she even say she had a boyfriend. Instead of saying “Hey, just wanted to let you know that I’m dating someone. I just wanted to make sure I can bring him to the wedding.” That sounds better than her texting her brother telling him she’s bringing her boyfriend. That’s rude. It’s all in your approach. That’s all I’m saying.

You make some valid points about returning calls/texts in a timely manner. But everyone has busy lives. Perhaps when you asked her to be a BM back in 2017 her class schedule was not even a factor then. She got her dress but took a long time...was she paying for it herself? Perhaps money was a factor and she needed to save up to get it? In your mind she's doing "all the things" to bother you. As PP have said, your wedding is not everyone else's 1st priority.

None of these things are worth "firing" her. (How much are you paying her anyway?)

She has her dress in time for the wedding. No problem there.

She doesn't return calls or messages right away. She's busy with her own life. Do you ever contact her to talk about anything not related to the wedding? Do you ask her what's going on in her life?

She wants to bring her boyfriend. She should bring him. She's in a relationship and in the bridal party, she should bring her boyfriend. He should have been invited once you were aware she was in a relationship.

She can't make the rehearsal due to a class. No problem. Rehearsals aren't that important, people can figure out how to walk in a straight line without rehearsing it. It's not that hard. Someone can fill her in on the order she needs to walk in and where she needs to stand right before the ceremony. Education is far more important that a party, and expecting people to sacrifice education to attend unnecessary extras is really out of line.

The wedding is one day, family is for life. Do you really want to damage your relationship with her and quite possibly your other FIL's because she isn't allowing her life to revolve around your party?

View Quoted Comment I agree with that. That's definitely something she should have asked, not told

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Then that's a bad on your part. You should have invited every SO, whether or not you're friends with them.

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You thought she should have known 2 years ago that she would have a school conflict with when you scheduled your rehearsal???

She obviously wasn't too busy to be a bridesmaid over the past two years - she has done so successfully. She got the dress. Now all she has to do is show up to the wedding in it. It's too bad that she can't make the rehearsal, but it's also not at all a big deal. None of what you're complaining about is a big deal.

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No, that's not what the Maid of Honor is supposed to do. Your priorities and idea of what people are supposed to do for your are all out of whack.

View Quoted Comment It is conventional good manners to invite the SO of anyone you invite as a guest. Not just people who are married or engaged, but anyone in an established relationship ( not a casual date.) Your mistake, not inviting him. And BM dresses should be ordered I. The last 4 months, since they come in in a matter if 2-8 weeks, so that they fit with minimal alterations. If you had people buying months and months earlier, it is not bad that she followed the usual timeline, as long as she got it on time. You pushed to early, no reason for her to jump up and down it early. And unless texts or phone calls are life or death emergencies, or time sensitive, they need not be answered immediately. This is not a business you are dealing with, it is a friend / family member. . . . School classes take precedence over rehearsals. I have been in a huge number of weddings. No one who works it has classes when the rehearsal is held ever takes off, except a B or G. It is, come if you can. Lots of weddings have no rehearsal, as long as someone can spend 5 minutes before the ceremony saying, at this time, you go here. Like graduations, you rarely see any adult veer off into space during a wedding. It is pretty easy. I know your wedding is most important to you. But while others think it important too, they see no need to jump right now, because you say to. Usually bridal parties are asked at 9 months or less, sometimes as much as a year. And dresses talked about by 5 months, ordered at 4 months or less. A place that sends dresses in 3 weeks, you can shop 5 weeks out. All that matters is that the BM get the dress. I think you have wanted everything done early, and are BS you did not get an immediate response. But she did what was needed, on time. Her texts and calls were sent, in a schedule that is reasonable for a busy person, for non-emergency things. You need to drop this, relax, and not let it ruin your experience. She has done nothing wrong. Just not be excited as you seem to want, that is not doing something wrong. Issue an invitation, as you already should have, for her boyfriend. Spend 5 minutes before the wedding letting her know when and where to go, or ask someone else to fill her in. Done.