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Monique
Beginner September 2019

To Fire a Bridesmaid: Should i or Shouldn’t I???

Monique, on September 13, 2019 at 10:54 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 44
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I’ve had it up to here with my soon to be sister-in-law. I asked her to be in my wedding in November of 2017. That was over a year ago. Fast forward to this year (2019). I’ve been wedding planning for over a year now. Last year I sat down with all the bridesmaids, maid of honor, coordinator (at the time) and my mom and we discussed what was to come for my wedding. I asked EVERYONE if there was anything that would permit them from participating. They all said they were cool.

My so-called sis-in-law has been a thorn in my behind since the wedding planning has started. It took her 7 months to get her dress. It takes her over a week (sometimes more) to return phone calls and text msgs. She seems uninterested and not happy for us and all. Not to mention she tells her brother that she’s bringing her BOYFRIEND, someone whom we’ve never met. How rude is that? Then just today my maid of honor sends out a msg about the rehearsal for the wedding, which is NEXT FRIDAY!!! She says she can’t make it b/c she has night class!??!! What??!!

I’m done! Im tired of being considerate of someone who is obviously pre-occupied. Everyone else has made sacrifices - EVERYONE but she can’t? My step-daughter is even excited for me and her daddy. I can’t. I just can’t. It feels like she’s doing this out of obligation and I asked her sincerely. I really did. I’m just sorry I overlooked someone who GENUINELY wanted to be in my wedding 👰🏾. As far as I’m concerned she wasn’t down from the start. Smh

44 Comments

Latest activity by Cassi, on September 16, 2019 at 10:21 AM
  • Aleaj
    Expert October 2019
    Aleaj ·
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    It seems she has a busy life, maybe that can be taken as not caring. When she got her dress, was it still on time for arrive for the wedding? Some people just do things at their own please. Also being is school, is not a joke, did you have a late rehearsal? Idk maybe try to be more understanding, she just seems busy
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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    Her boyfriend should have been invited by name from the start, whether you’ve met him or not. No one is going to be as excited as you are for your wedding. You’re complaining it took her seven months to get her dress - she’s got it. That’s all that matters - why does it matter when she got it, as long as she got it in tone for the wedding? And I think it’s pretty rich that you’re calling HER preoccupied, in all honesty. Also, this is why you don’t ask your bridal party too early.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    It took her seven months to get her dress, but she got it.
    She’s bringing her boyfriend who should have been invited in the first place. If he wasn’t, you’re the one being rude.
    She shouldn’t have to sacrifice her education for your wedding. Literally no one should sacrifice anything for your wedding except for you. I’m sure that she can find her way down the aisle with minimal instruction.

    No, you absolutely shouldn’t kick her out of your bridal party. You should lower your expectations.
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  • Renee
    Super October 2020
    Renee ·
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    I have to agree with everyone else. I'm wondering why your maid of honor sent out the information about the rehearsal and not you? Did you talk to everyone about the date and time and make sure they could be there? School isn't easy, some career choices are harder than others, not to mention some people struggle with school more. Going to class is important. My wedding isn't until April and as soon as I found out the day and time of the rehearsal, I let everyone know. And if she can't make it, can't someone else fill her in? Let her know what all was covered at the rehearsal?
    Btw, she is your future sis in law. There's nothing "so called" about it, even if you are frustrated. Maybe try arranging a lunch together to talk about everything, from a concerned p.o.v. and not a frustrated one
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  • Andrea
    Super October 2019
    Andrea ·
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    I think a deep breath is in order here. She got the dress in time for the wedding and has to go to school. That’s not optional, although I can understand why that is upsetting for you.
    Why is it a problem that she bring her boyfriend? She’s a family member and a member of your wedding party. Of course she should bring him.
    I’m sure she is happy for you. I’m also sure that when I know someone is angry with me, I don’t really want to interact with them much and am much slower to respond to calls and texts. It’s quite clear that you are unhappy with her and I’m positive she’s picking up on that.
    She sounds busy! I had a freak out today and my sister had to remind me that nobody cares about my wedding as much as I do. That is important to remember.
    Most importantly, this is your future husband’s sister. His family and soon to be yours. I encourage you not to enter into your new family carrying this kind of anger and resentment.
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    It sounds like some priorities need to be rearranged, and not on her end. She is going to be your sister-in-law but you seem to act like she is in the wrong for not dropping everything for your wedding while she has a life of her own, including school. You should not "fire" her as she is NOT your employee. She is family but is not being treated as such. I wouldn't be anxious to respond to someone who insists I bend to their time and will without respect for my own either.

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  • October2019
    Dedicated October 2019
    October2019 ·
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    I hope you don't kick her out of it's for the reasons you have and that you have a great wedding. From what you said though it doesn't seem like she has done anything to warrant this much frustration and anger. I sincerely hope your day is enjoyable.
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  • Stephanie
    Dedicated October 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    Why should her boyfriend be invited? Lol I have only married couples coming unless we are friends with both the “boyfriend and girlfriend” it’s her wedding and it is rude to say I’m bringing someone like no.. I’m sorry. That’s not how it works.
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  • Stephanie
    Dedicated October 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    As for the other stuff I would be patient with her. And maybe talk to her.. you might get further if you just approach her.
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  • Monique
    Beginner September 2019
    Monique ·
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    The point is that if she was too busy with school or work to fully be able to participate, then that’s what should have been said when I asked her not once but twice. It’s all about being honest. Again, everyone is busy and everyone has things that they have to do but they’ve set aside their personal life to help me celebrate. That’s what I’m talking about. I don’t have high expectations.

    I expected for an adult to be honest about what was really going on, especially to the one who asked her to be a part. My cousin and her younger brother, who is a college freshmen, are missing one of their classes just to be a part of our day. Even my fiancé’s daughter is missing school next Friday. You mean to tell me that you can’t miss ONE class in the evening??? That’s bull.

    And yes it is rude to bring your boyfriend, especially someone who we’re PAYING for at the reception and someone we don’t know. That’s rude!
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    It’s rude not to invite someone’s significant other. Couples are a social unit and should be treated as such. Why would someone want to come celebrate your relationship when you can’t respect theirs?

    And you can’t dictate how someone handles their education. Maybe her attendance counts as a grade. Maybe it doesn’t and she just values her education. It’s none of your business. She has her priorities in order, you don’t seem to.
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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    It’s rude to split up a social unit, which they are. It’s asking them to come and spend money celebrating your relationship while disrespecting theirs. And even if you’re restricting to married only couples, which I think is all kinds of rude, it’s generally accepted that bridal party members get a plus one. The boyfriend should be invited.
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  • Stephanie
    Dedicated October 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    It’s also all kinds of rude for people to jump into a relationship just to have a plus one and we have a few of those.. now I suppose a bridal party is different I don’t have to worry about that with mine.. but still to say I’m bringing my boyfriend and not discuss it with the people who are paying for the wedding outof their pocket I would also consider very rude.
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  • Stephanie
    Dedicated October 2020
    Stephanie ·
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    I’m sorry but restricting to engaged and married couples isn’t rude it’s actually very common. I makes it fair to everyone instead of favoring one and not the others.. if one can have a plus one then everyone has to have a plus one that wants one and that can add up heads quickly and prices quickly.. I’m limited to 100 guest. So I have to make it all can bring them or none. To make it fair.
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  • Monique
    Beginner September 2019
    Monique ·
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    The only social unit that counts is MARRIED couples. It’s rude for someone to ASSUME that they can just bring their significant other.
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  • Monique
    Beginner September 2019
    Monique ·
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    I do have my priorities in order, ok. I’m not dictating how she handles her education. I know all about being in class and finishing school. Again, my point is if she was too busy to be a bridesmaid, then she should have just said that to begin with. I would have respected her more for saying no than to not respond and act as if she doesn’t care.
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  • Monique
    Beginner September 2019
    Monique ·
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    My maid of honor sent out the information because that’s what the maid is honor is supposed to do. She’s contacting the other bridesmaids to let them know the timeline for this week.
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    Yes yes yes yes you always give such good advice!
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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    In my opinion it’s rude. And you’ll find that the majority of posters on this site agree with me. My (now) sister-in-law invited me to her wedding when I’d been with her brother for a few months at most, because it was the right thing to do. And you can make exceptions for your bridal party anyway - again, most posters on this site will tell you it’s considered good etiquette to give them a plus one if they’re single.

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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
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    Monique I agree with you that she should've contacted you regarding the boyfriend but I disagree with you regarding the timeline and duties. Yes we are always going to have the ones who go above and beyond for us and throw parties, ask about planning is hands on and all but honestly the sole job of a bridesmaid prior to the wedding is getting a dress and being there for the bride the day of. We have made in into so much more and I will say I had to be reminded of this when I started planing from my mom. You cant truly expect people to give like you give to care like you care. her timing wasn't what was the norm but she does have the dress which means she spent $$ for it. As far as the rehearsal yes she probably can miss school but unless you are having an elaborate entrance its just walking down the aisle. Dont let wedding frustration force her out of the wedding or make decisions that big while you are angry because once you do that you are stuck with his entire family feeling someway about you.

    why not talk to her about it. She will be your FSIL.

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