To change name or not in modern day?

Out of curiosity, will your doctorate lead to published works?

I got married in the summer after my 1st year of my PsyD program. I already had a publication and a few posters prior to getting married, so I went back and forth about whether I wanted to change my last name. Ultimately, I ended up doing so, and I just have my maiden name in parenthesis on my CV and bolded on all my pubs/presentations regardless of which last name it is. As a 3rd year doctoral student, you’re still early enough, I think, depending on your field, that you can switch without many issues (my SIL got married and changed her name several years after getting her PhD and becoming a professor). So if that’s what is holding you back, I wouldn’t worry too much. One of my program cohort-mates got married and changed her name during her internship (last) year of the program.

If you want to keep your maiden name cuz that’s your name and you like it or don’t feel like going through the process or whatever the reason, it’s totally fine. If you want to change it, that’s fine too. It’s entirely up to you, and only you can make that choice. But I would make sure you base the decision on what YOU want and not about external factors like what other people think.

Some people add on their spouse’s name as a 2nd last name, without dropping the middle name, if that’s something you’re open to as another option.

Would your fiancé be willing to change his last name to yours? I feel like that would eliminate the entire issue. You could still keep your current last name for professional reasons, and you would both share the same last name with your future children. There is zero reason a woman has to change her last name to the man’s instead of the other way around.

My personal opinion is you should keep your name. I hate that women are expected to change their names at all while men can keep theirs. Especially since you're about to get your doctorate and have already built a network, changing your name now would be detrimental to you. I agree with Cece that you should see if your husband will change his name to yours.

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It may, but just my doctoral dissertation, which hasn't been defended or submitted to a journal yet so I would have time to change my name before that happened.

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Thank you so much for your advice, I appreciate it! I am also PsyD so that's neat!

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Thank you Cece, I agree. I haven't fully asked him about that but he does lean more traditionally and wants to carry on his family name to our children so I am not sure if he will want to. He is okay with me keeping my maiden name though. But yes, it would be nice if he could change his. He doesn't have time to change his last name and I don't either

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Thank you Kelly! I agree! One of the reasons I am considering changing it is due to maybe running into any future issues with buying a home, people asking me if I am the childrens' mother etc. But ideally it would be nice to keep my name.

View Quoted Comment In response to that: my mom didn’t change her last name. My parents have bought several houses without issue, and I don’t recall a whole lot of issues as a child with having my mom have a different last name. So if that’s what’s compelling you to change your name, don’t. If it was fine 20 years ago, it’s probably that much easier now.


And that’s exciting! I just graduated and am starting postdoc soon, which is a wonderful feeling. You’re almost there!

I’ve also been all over the place on this. I’m in a slightly different professional boat. I’m a lawyer, so both of my law licenses and my admissions in various courts are in my name. Plus I’m nine years in and practice in a smaller field where a lot of people know of each other, so I’ve established my reputation with my current name. And like yours, my first name goes well with my maiden name. On the flip side, it goes fine with my fiancé’s last name too, my maiden name shouldn’t even be my last name (long story lol), and I like the thought of being close to FH by sharing a name. He said he’s fine with hyphenating, but I think it’s unwieldy. If anything I think I would double barrel without the hyphen. And of course he would never seriously consider taking my last name. So because I’m all over the place on this, I’m just not even making the decision now. It will be more complicated in the future, especially for you since you’ll be even deeper into your career, but I do think it’s a big decision and people should just do what feels right, when it feels right.

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"And of course he would never seriously consider taking my last name" - I'm curious why this is socially accepted? Why is it "of course" the man won't take the woman's last name?? In the past, the change of last name was to signify the change of OWNERSHIP of the woman to her husband (gross). Nowadays, the main reason people adopt a singular last name is so that their children will share a last name with both parents. So EITHER last name is just acceptable as the other. There is zero reason the woman should be expected to take the man's last name. Her last name, her personal/familial attachment to it, and her desire to carry on her family name is just as valid and important as a man's.

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I've never had a problem buying a car with my fiance. We've bought 2 cars together so far and have different last names. And your children could take your name.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think anyone is saying whether it is/isn’t acceptable, and society doesn’t just change overnight. I personally believe both people in the couple should be able to say whether or not they’re willing to change their name. Traditionally, yes, it was about ownership, but a lot of people now do it without even considering the history (as with MANY wedding traditions). I did tell my fiancé that I will put as much thought into fully taking his name as he’s put into fully taking mine. So in our case that was 0 seconds each, and we’re both happy with that. And he does already have a child who he shares his name with, so I wouldn’t push him to change his anyway unless that was something he really wanted. If it ever feels right to me to change mine without regrets, that’s when I’ll do it. FH doesn’t care if that day ever comes and is happy leaving it up to me.

My sister is not married but has a child with her long term boyfriend and they decided to give their child both of their last names: ie one might be smith, the other Jones, and the kids will be smith Jones. Maybe you could do that?

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Thank you Hannah for the advice and sharing your mom's story with it too - it is very helpful! Good luck with postdoc! I apply for internship this November!

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Thank you Kimberly, I really appreciate your advice on this and for sharing your story with it!

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I see your point Cece, it is definitely a more modernized world now but I understand that some men are still pretty traditional with their views of carrying down their name. I do wish more men were open to taking the wife's last name.

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Thank you Kelly, I really appreciate it!

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I completely understand Kimberly and my husband is also comfortable with me keeping my name.

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Thank you Alissa, that is good to know and something for us to consider!