Tip jar?

No, that's not appropriate. You are the host, you should be the one paying his tip. Your guests should not need to open their wallets for anything.

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Why aren't you making it really worth his while?

I wouldn’t. As a guest I’d assume if it’s an open bar I’m not obligated to pay any money, even for a tip, and I’d feel a bit uncomfortable and obligated if there was a jar out, because I probably wouldn’t even have my wallet. I’d let your guests assume they do not have to tip. And you should give him money for a tip (or at least a very nice “thank you” gift). If guests tip him that’s a bonus for him, but you shouldn’t make them feel like they’re supposed to open their wallets by setting out a jar.

I think you should set one up for him.

No tip jar. Imagine going to a nice dinner after your niece's graduation, or a baptism, or an annual family gathering the week before Christmas or Labor day, and seeing a tip jar. Oh yes, the host and hostess did provide the dinner and drinks. But, you know, the person they have opening caterer's pans and putting things into the host's serving dishes, and the cousin who made the desserts and is serving them tableside, they would be really happy if you put money in their tip jars. And that 3rd jar, cleaning, is for the teens who volunteered to spiff up the house, and clean it again after everyone leaves! If you have an open bar, you take care of providing the supplies, and tipping the bartender/ server, whether paid or ( if they merit tips) volunteer. You are the hosts. You engage any help, including any tip over basic rate, and thank any volunteers however you think they need to be thanked. Weddings that are hosted events, should be just that.

No. You are responsible for tipping him. If a guest feels inclined to tip him, they can hand him a tip. But by putting a tip jar out, it is a sign that guests should be tipping, which is not the case.

View Quoted Comment Whoa there. Our friend, who would have been invited anyways, asked to be bartender specifically as our wedding gifts. I also never said yay or nay to paying a bartender on top of tips.

I wouldn’t put a tip jar. It’s usually the responsibility of the hosts to top. People will tip him if they want to, but you don’t want your guests to feel obligated to tip.

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Yes. And now you are telling your guests they need to add to the wedding gift they are already giving you by compensating your bartender (who gifted his services) adequately. None of this makes sense for proper hosting. This would also be easily remedied by you giving him a thank you gift (in the form of money) for his time. That way your guests wouldn't have to keep reaching in their pockets throughout your event.

View Quoted Comment This thread is comprised of many opinions. Those against tip jars are entitled to their opinion of “proper hosting” and the pro tip jar couples are entitled to theirs. Perhaps the conclusion is that there is no one correct answer to the tip jar question. Honestly I have never been to a wedding event with an open bar that did not have a tip jar, but that does not mean I’d disparage an open bar reception without a tip jar.

Having a tip jar or not is entirely your choice. For a backyard style wedding I don't think it would be out of place. I agree with the suggestions to decorate it up and maybe put a cute little note by it. Also talk to your bartender nephew and see his thoughts. He may have some ideas or suggestions.

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Regardless of your agreement with him, it's not your guests' responsibility to make it 'worth his while.' It's yours, as the host. It's inappropriate for you to try to guilt your guests into tipping him on the invitation or website or otherwise indicate that he should be tipped, e.g. with a tip jar.

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The etiquette is clear on this. Guests shouldn't need to open their wallet, period. It's a hosted event and they should be hosted fully.

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I’m not sure why you feel the need to harshly judge my choice to have a tip jar as inappropriate and a guilt trip and I don’t need to know. This issue is clearly very important to you. Anyway, I hope your event was/will be beautiful and may you and your partner be blessed with a lifetime of happiness.

Thank you for all the responses! I appreciate each of you contributing your time and opinions. Since the opinions varied so greatly, I will let my nephew make the choice on what he wants to do, as I will be tipping him regardless.

Huh? Am I crazy? Every wedding I have been to people tip the bartender. They might not have a jar but people tip. And these are weddings that cost over 150k. I have also been to many weddings with a jar. I just felt like it was standard.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, guests tipping bartenders is pretty standards. I think PPs are more against having a tip jar out. Your guests might read it as if you (the couple) might not be tipping the bartender which “forces” people to feel OBLIGATED to tip. Etiquette-wise, tips should fall on the couple or whoever is hosting the event/wedding.


My wedding was in the low six-figures and my venue suggested not putting out a tip jar because lots of people frown on it. Actually, all our venues where we hosted open bars (welcome dinner, wedding reception and after party) were against putting tip jars. People will still tip if they want to tip. I’ve attended other $100k+, and I’ve never seen a tip jar at any of them. These were weddings all over the country.

However, as a guest, I still will usually tip at weddings whether it’s an open bar or not because my husband and I have a soft spot for servers (my husband used to work in the restaurant industry during college and my brother did too. So we know how crucial tips are for their livelihoods). A lack of tip jar isn’t going to stop us from sliding the bartender a tip.

For sure!!

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I hear you, and I agree, however I am very comfortable giving an extra tip.....just because! I agree with others that the feeling of soliciting for money is unseemly. We had a pro musician friend who plays gigs on the regular (well, used to!) and he has a jar out at gigs, but for our wedding reception? No way! (Trust me, my hubby tipped above and beyond as he was so happy with the music!!!)

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Yes, treating guests appropriately and according to etiquette (aka good manners) is important to me. It should be important to anyone who is hosting an event, too.