Three incidents that say Say Yes to Dress is a big, fat lie-- humorous wedding dress shopping weekend

Incident 1

I was recommended a boutique by a co-worker that catered to "plus sized" bridals, meaning their gowns start a street size women's 12 (huge, right? There's something inherently wrong with this philosophy). I thought, "Great! I'm a street size 10, so I will be able to try on basically any dress in the entire store because even the smallest sample will fit".

You see, I'm a former fat girl (FFG). I might still be fat by some people's standards-- I don't really care. I can run 10 miles and lift a heap of weight. I'm athletic and consider myself not fat. Being a FFG, you have an innate fear of things being too small because when you were a FG, you were usually trying to squeeze into the largest size a store offered. If it didn't fit, too bad, so sad-- head over to Lane Bryant. That was my life for many years, and something I am still very in tune with. That said, the thought of a bridal boutique only having size 4-6 sample dresses (Read: the approximate size of my thigh), was terrifying and embarrassing all over again. It doesn't help when your skinny, married friends talk about how they were "swimming" in sample dresses because the samples were all 8's and 10's. THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT, FRIENDS.

So, I call up this boutique and they basically tell me to f**k off. "Oh, you're a size 10/12, you really won't need to come here. It might ruin the experience of our other shoppers". So, regular shops basically think I'm too fat for their samples and the plus size store thinks I'm too thin. Fabulous. I was fat shammed and thin shamed all at the same time. A swing and a miss. #bridefail

Incident 2

So, Tiffany and I head out to a mid-range boutique. Maybe a step up from David's Bridal, but certainly not high end. They had a large selection of Maggie Sottero gowns, which can cost up to $7500, but plenty sale and wholesale sample items as well. I thought it would be a great place to get my feet wet with a variety of styles and sizes. As suggested by the appointment maker, I brought a short list of dresses I wanted to try.

First off, the consultant they gave me was an older women who had about a 42% grasp on the English language and was about 42% of my 6'0 height. I don't even think she could reach the top of my head with her arms up and on her tippy toes. So, I showed her my list. She pointed to the vast racks and said, "Oh yes, they're all in there, you can pick them out." and walked away. UMMMM, what? I was already on my second mimosa and feeling a bit snarky, so Tiffany and I set out to find some of my dresses and have some more mimosas. The consultant failed to mention they were sorted by size AND style...so we had to start over twice. Thank god for mimosas.

Because the consultant couldn't even carry those 150 million pound ball gowns, we were hauling them all over. Then Tiffany would help me get into them while the consultant stood in the corner looking overwhelmed by the huge person in a huge dress standing in front of her. WE MEANT BUSINESS.

Let me describe what getting into a ball gown wedding dress is like. Imagine a tube sock. How you have to put it on your foot and scrunch it up and pull up little by little until its up to your knee. Now imagine that you are the foot. Getting into a wedding dress is like rolling through a white tube sock with your entire body. Now imagine that you are a foot wrapped tightly in toliet paper layers and you will put the tube sock over yourself and over the layers and force it on smoothly, without clogging up any of those delicate layers...and then remain in there while hot lights blaze down on you forcing you to sweat uncontrollably from a mixture of claustrophobia and hell, its a damn work out getting in there. That's what putting on a ball gown wedding dress felt like to me.

Needless to say, ball gowns are out of the running. Also, Tiffany sustained some serious arm scratches from beaded bodices. Those things are dangerous.

Incident 3

Let's discuss David's Bridal. I have no issues with David's Bridal. They have many beautiful dresses for a reasonable price in many sizes, which is what I was interested in. They also have some lovely higher end, designer lines available. A couple of those dresses sparked my attention, for sure. Once again, just looking, trying, etc. to get an idea of what even looked good on me and put some of my FFG melodrama to rest.

Tiffany and I went to a David's Bridal store nearby. The attendant in the front immediately tried to get me to fill out a credit card application and then informed me that they had neither of two designer line dresses I wanted to try on because only a select few DB's carry those lines. This is not indicated anywhere on their website, which I kindly informed her, and she laughed and said "I know, isn't that weird?" Um, not weird, irritating and inconvenient. Moving on.

My consultant was assigned to me and I showed her the style of the dresses in the designer line I loved. She asked what else I liked which I explained to her that I had an open mind but I wanted something with some pizazz but not too trendy. I spotted a modified ballgown on a mannequin immediately and asked to try the sample. She said they only had it in a size 4. FFG insecurities were creeping back in full force.

I tried on four underwhelming gowns. Pretty but not stunning. The consultant basically told me they had nothing with more "flare" and I should go try to find the designer line I liked at a different nearby store. She gave up after 4 dresses and 25 minutes. She didn't even try to sell me anything. I must be a real bridezilla b***h. #bannedfromDB

Conclusion

I knew that wedding dress shopping wouldn't be easy for me. I have my FFG issues and I'm picky as hell. I've never been a person to make a quick decision shopping. I usually pass a pair of nice heels up and then I think about them for days and days and days until I finally give in and go back to buy them. I lust over things. I let the obsessed bubble up and boil over before making a decision.

On "Say Yes to the Dress", women try on four dresses and fall in love. They burst into tears and and know this is THE dress. They have bridal consultant who ask about every detail of their wedding fantasy and go on wild goose chases to find the dress they just know the bride will love.

That is television. The above is real life.

While I obviously picked three "this could only happen to me" incidents, I don't think that this is only happening to me. There were so many positives that came out of this shopping trip. And I found a dress that I absolutely loved and had a consultant who was all parts funny, supportive, truthful and professional. The dress lust is growing...but I'm not done looking yet.

I don't think I'm going to have that tearful moment when I put on a dress and know its the dress I'll get married in. I've accepted that reality. I apologize if I ruined your day by revealing the ugly truth about "Say Yes to the Dress". Surely there are brides who have the perfect wedding dress experience, but it wasn't me. I'm proud to come out and say that. I hope that some one else out there doesn't feel like they're the only one who just can't "say yes to the dress".

Someone really needs to give me a wedding reality show, seriously.

You're an awesome story teller haha. Sorry it was hard for you. Apart from changing my mind about the first dress I bought, I had a great shopping experience...but I am one of those petite girls. But I totally get what you mean when it comes to trying on ball gowns haha

Lol @ bannedfromDB . I hope your dress experiences get better. That was my issue at DB. Only certain stores have certain sizes or you see something online and they do not have it or your size. I am sure you will find your gown and have your " Say Yes to the Dress" moment.

Its so funny because after all of this...I have a casting interview with Say Yes to the Dress tomorrow. Maybe theyyyyy can help me not feel like I'm fighting a tube sock.

This post is awesome! And it's so true!

I've seen many episodes of SYTTD where the bride didn't find her dream dress. I know that my girls from Alaska who were on there (one ended up in a tux, the other in a dress) were treated like royalty, both on the show and the day of their wedding.

Good luck!

You're a very entertaining storyteller! I haven't tried on any dresses but I do hope to have that "moment". Hopefully you do find a dress you fall in love with!

You should definitely go on the show! It might make all the difference for you experience. Is it Atlanta or NY?

I didn't cry. I went to the salon, picked out 6 dresses that caught my eye. Tried them all on. Wavered over 2 of them, but ended up picking the dress that I originally had went into the store with my heart set upon. The consultant was wonderful and patient, and she wasn't pushy. I picked out a veil the same day because my mom thought it was perfect.

Overall, it was nothing like "Say yes to the dress," and I am very glad for that.

You should try Alfred Angelo. I am a FFG and realistically still chunky. But my experience with all their consultants was amazing. I found my dress my first go round! They even put me.in gowns that were too big to help with my FFG!

I hope the interview goes well! It seems like you have a lot of personality. (:

I definitely relate to the FFG thing. I almost broke down in tears when one of my dress consultants asked me when I picked out a gown in a size 4, dripping with judgement, "Bridal gowns run for sizes smaller than street size. Are you a size zero?"

*clearly not a size zero*

*definitely more like a size eight*

@Future Mrs. Elliot

I tried on a few of the Alfred Angelo Disney Princess gowns and immediately hated them. So cutesy, but I might give AA a proper try. There aren't many retailers in AZ for whatever reason-- maybe I'll have better luck in Chicago when I'm visiting venues next weekend.

LOL....I loved reading this-you do spin a good tale. Sorry, you didn't find your dress, but I'm sure in the end you will.

"Maybe that's because of my personality or my resting bitch face or drinking too many mimosas in the waiting area".

...so describes me as well!

They acted like you were too big and you are like a size 12? last I knew I was about a size 22 - where is this shop? I think I'll take my big curvacious rump there and see how they deal with me.

what shop can make a living if they only carry ''sample" sizes of a size 4? I know models that couldn't hardly wear that-

wow.

Thanks everyone for the kind words. Its really not so much about the boohoo, woe is me, I can't find the right dress, but more, I just wanted to let other ladies know they aren't alone in their experiences.

I just can't understand why bridal runs small. Let me tell ya, I'd be a lot more inclined to buy a dress if it was a size 6 vs a size 20 on my normally size 10 body, because we're all vain at heart. And when you have a happy bride, you have a bride who's more excited and more willing to spend money. I can't believe the boutique industry hasn't caught on to that concept yet.

@StitchingBride It was the weirdest thing. They had maybe 10 dresses over a size 16...and this was like a full fledged store comparable in size to a DB store. I couldn't believe they didn't have ONE fit and flare dress with beading on it over a size 10. CURVY GIRLS LOOK GOOD IN FIT N FLARE.

Um... I. Adore. You.