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Jennifer
Savvy September 2022

Thoughts??

Jennifer, on October 21, 2021 at 1:45 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 48

Hello I'm just curious on how anyone would feel if your fiance had a secret cellphone? I caught my fiance with a secret cellphone, for the second time and he swears he is not cheating but just wanted "privacy". It is totally not ok and he is trying to make me feel like it is my fault he had to go to...
Hello



I'm just curious on how anyone would feel if your fiance had a secret cellphone? I caught my fiance with a secret cellphone, for the second time and he swears he is not cheating but just wanted "privacy". It is totally not ok and he is trying to make me feel like it is my fault he had to go to such lengths to "be able to text whoever he wants " and that I have no right to know whom he texts. I was not able to look through the other cellphone bc he factory reset it. Yes i know its not healthy and that's a whole nother level of deciet but just curious on other women's thoughts and how you could ever trust them again. I was married for over thirteen years previously and never once had to "check up" on my partner, so this is just blowing my mind.

48 Comments

  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
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    Thank you Cool. I am on the same page with you on that. The marriage thing isn't even really a thing. I think he just doesn't like being alone and I had to find that out the hard way as well.
    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    But he should spend his time with *you*. And not lying to you. I’m so sorry and I can’t imagine the pain you’re in. It’s truly better to find out now and get out. Your happiness and self pride come first.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
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    I know. I guess I always thought things would get better and he would be the man I fell in love with and it's clearly not the case now.
    • Reply
  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
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    Actions speak louder than words. This last line shows you everything you need to know about him!! I know it's hard leaving, but isn't it also hard being in a bad relationship with someone who doesn't love you? Regardless of he what says his actions show how he really feels. You deserve soooo much better!! As hard as it will be to leave, just think about how much better it will be in the long run. When you love and respect yourself enough to stop putting up with this, you open the door for someone to come in and love you and treat you the way you deserve. I know you were asking how to trust him again but for me once the trust is gone, there's no turning back.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
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    Yes Sharon I agree. I thought he would change and rebuild everything he destroyed but now I know it's not gonna happen.
    • Reply
  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag

    Sometimes it's hard to see red flags because you don't want to see them, I would have packed my things and left. My fiance knows my password to my phone and I know his however we never go through each others phone we trust each other

    • Reply
  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
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    I'm sorry. It sucks to go through this.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
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    I agree countrybride and that's how it should be.
    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    I’m so sorry. This forum is great for a lot of things, but I highly recommend weddingbee for relationship advice. There’s a lot of posters with similar experiences, you can get good advice over there.
    • Reply
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
    • Flag
    Based on all your responses, it seems like you have a great head on your shoulders and know this isn’t normal. Taking that step to leave is absolutely the hardest part, but you can do it! Good luck, you’ve got this and will find someone better ❤️
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
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    THEN YOU ANAIS!! I appreciate all the uplifting words from everyone. I don't have a lot of friends to vent too and it's much needed and appreciated
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    That is a red flag. I wouldn’t stick around with that much mistrust
    • Reply
  • D
    Savvy April 2022
    Dabblinggadwall ·
    • Flag
    I’m so sorry. He is, of COURSE, cheating on you. Only you know if you’re willing to have a partner who is not faithful. Best of luck and lots of love.
    • Reply
  • Christian
    Dedicated June 2022
    Christian ·
    • Flag
    Ummm if y'all are getting married or even as a couple you have every right to know who he's texting and if he's not chatting then he should have nothing to hide so no need for a secret phone
    • Reply
  • Kate
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
    • Flag
    Hi Jennifer, I just wanted to say I am so sorry that you are going through this. My sister is in a very similar situation as you, where she knows that her relationship is not healthy, but she still loves him. It’s so easy for everyone to tell you to leave but if you’ve been together for awhile, that’s easier said than done. I think you know in your heart and logical mind that it’s not okay for him to have a secret cell phone. I think the part that you have to ask yourself is when do you draw the line in the sand. Thoughts?? 1

    • Reply
  • P
    Dedicated April 2023
    Peyton ·
    • Flag

    Trust your gut. I would run away very quickly. Trust isn’t negotiable in loving relationships. You deserve better!

    • Reply
  • Susan
    Devoted October 2021
    Susan ·
    • Flag

    I would not under any circumstances be OK with this, to be honest. Smiley sad I'm so sorry you're going through this. My husband and I both know each other's passwords to our phones, and although neither one of us feels the need to check up on each other, we have the option if we want it. (We only have it because of swapping pictures!)

    If he needs to secretly text someone, and you've caught him twice, then I think you have the answer you need--he's up to no good in some way, shape, or form, and as painful as it is, better to deal with it now than to be married to someone you know is not trustworthy.

    Big hugs to you and best wishes.

    • Reply
  • Jessi
    Rockstar October 2022
    Jessi ·
    • Flag

    This is definitely not okay. My fiancé and I have each other's fingerprints saved in our phones along with knowing the lock pattern. The only time he's snatched his phone away from me was when I opened the internet app on his phone and almost saw the order page for my ring - and even then my only thought was that it must be ring related and nothing else because there's no reason not to trust him.

    I think it's definitely time for you to move on. While it'll be hard now, in the long run you'll be so much better off and this will open you up to more people who won't disrespect you in this way.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    If anyone needs a secret cell phone for "privacy" there are SEVERAL issues! Why does he need privacy outside of his normal cell phone? There are clearly already trust issues within your relationship... so that is a red flag.

    I would really reconsider getting married when it sounds like there are many things that need to be worked on in your relationship. However, without trust, I am not sure your relationship is salvageable.

    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag

    He is 100% hiding something if he factory reset it just so you wouldn't look at it. Him even having a "secret cellphone" is a HUGE red flag anyways. Unfortunately, my guess would be that he is cheating.

    • Reply

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