Jennifer
Savvy September 2022

Thoughts??

Jennifer, on October 21, 2021 at 1:45 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 48
Saved
Reply
Hello



I'm just curious on how anyone would feel if your fiance had a secret cellphone? I caught my fiance with a secret cellphone, for the second time and he swears he is not cheating but just wanted "privacy". It is totally not ok and he is trying to make me feel like it is my fault he had to go to such lengths to "be able to text whoever he wants " and that I have no right to know whom he texts. I was not able to look through the other cellphone bc he factory reset it. Yes i know its not healthy and that's a whole nother level of deciet but just curious on other women's thoughts and how you could ever trust them again. I was married for over thirteen years previously and never once had to "check up" on my partner, so this is just blowing my mind.
Edited by WeddingWire

48 Comments

Latest activity by Pirate & 60s Bride, on October 25, 2021 at 7:41 PM
  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag

    Why does he say he needs privacy? Do you look through his other cell phone?

    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    Nope. Nope. Nope. A second phone is one thing, a SECRET phone is NOT OKAY.


    Boy bye.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry to hear about this. That sounds like a major red flag to me. Especially that he's trying make you feel like you're at fault, even though he is the one in the wrong, and also that he felt like he needed to factory reset the phone, which often indicates that he's hiding something. There should be open and honest communication in a relationship, not hiding things or trying to be sneaky. If you really want to stay in the relationship, I would definitely recommend that you stop wedding planning for now and that you insist on couples counseling to get things sorted out. Otherwise, I would leave the relationship.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I do not. I have one or twice previously when he went through mine. Only when I started recognizing something didn't add up bc there was no reason for him not trust me. I believe, he does things he should not do and Therefore thinks I am, so he will constantly snoop through my phone anytime it is left attended. Which doesn't bother me bc I know he has had trust issues with previous relationships and I have nothing to hide. But when he went through mine I asked to look through his, just to prove a point. And i constantly find out he is the one lying and up to no good /things he shouldn't be saying or doing when engaged. Like talking to old "friends" who are girls inappropriately or putting me down to his family and friends.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    We are not planning a wedding currently. Thats a whole different issue. I have mentioned counseling but he seems all for it and the next day doesn't want anything to do with it. It's definitely a huge Red flag. It's just really hard leaving when there's still love involved.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Ugh I know!!!! That's how I feel and know it is not ok but it sucks leaving and starting over!! Ugh what do I do?!
    • Reply
  • Carl
    Just Said Yes December 2021
    Carl ·
    • Flag

    I'm a very wealthy and successful business man and I have multiple phones for my businesses

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Stacey I'm not sure if my previous reply posted but no. I do not.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I understand that Carl, for work. But there was no reason for him to obtain and keep a cellphone without me knowing. He doesn't need one for work and we have phones on a mutual cell carrier
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Trust your gut. This doesn't feel right because it isn't right. You deserve better. Staying just because it "sucks leaving and starting over" is not worth your happiness.

    • Reply
  • Melinda
    Devoted March 2022
    Melinda ·
    • Flag

    I read your other post on here and I have to agree with the above, it's red flag city.
    I was in a relationship for seven years before meeting my fiance and very much loved the person. It was the hardest breakup I ever had to go through but I came out from it so much better. (there was cheating, talking badly about me to family and friends, verbal, mental, and physical abuse). I still very much love the person and carry the few happy memories fondly, but it was extremely toxic and unhealthy.
    I attended counseling and eventually met my fiance who I'm more in love with than I ever thought I could be capable of, who also treats me like a queen.

    When I was still in it, I never thought I would be where I am today since I was constantly being gaslighted. I would recommend some personal counseling instead of couples and try to build up the strength to leave him.

    • Reply
  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2022
    Cece Online ·
    • Flag
    🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
    Red flags being thrown everywhere here! There’s absolutely no reason for your fiancé to need a secret phone, unless he is trying to keep the things he does on that phone a secret from you. There is zero chance I would trust (or marry) this man. In my early 20s I dated a man who I thought I was madly in love with. He treated me like a princess and claimed to love me more than anything in the world and couldn’t wait to marry me someday. We had a perfect fairytale romance. Until a couple years in, when I discovered a phone number in his pocket when doing laundry. when I confronted him about it, of course he was able to lie and manipulate his way out of it. Fast forward another six months, and I find a SECRET CELL PHONE! Luckily, I found it without his knowledge, and was able to search through it before he could factory reset it. Turns out he was a lying, manipulative, habitually cheating narcissist, who’d had me completely fooled. Once I finally realized who he really was, I felt like an idiot for allowing him to lie and manipulate his way out of all the red flags I’d seen over the past two years. My best advice is to listen to your gut! Your heart will convince you to make excuses, lie to yourself, and convince yourself that the obvious isn’t true, in order to remain with someone who isn’t good for you. Your gut knows the truth. Bottom line, no healthy marriage has ever been built upon lies, deceit and manipulation.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you so much!!! People Say it's obvious to just move on but it is really really hard but I know I'm not happy and can't continue living like this. Yeah all your issues you mentioned are my current issues. No physical cheating just Lying and all the other horrible things.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Cece I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm finding out things I never imagined and I guess I'm just still trying to make sense of it. The phone was a whole other level of betrayal and a slap in the face.
    • Reply
  • Melinda
    Devoted March 2022
    Melinda ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    It honestly took me about six months to leave and a year of counseling afterwards. But one day I woke up and said "why the heck did I deal with this for so long?"
    You don't have to stop loving him, just start loving yourself more.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you Melinda. That's the mind set I think I'm finally getting in. I saw him putting the phone under his leg, in our living room when I walked by and I'm like, omg I can't keep doing this.
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you Maggie. It's just hard to let go and move on when you've invested your entire heart and every aspect of your life...and I never thought it would be like this. So thank you for the kind words.
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    He snoops through your phone and keeps a secret second phone for his own privacy? Double standard and he is absolutely cheating. But he doesn't want you cheating on him and he is projecting
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Savvy September 2022
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yeah I was thinking the same thing. Ugh
    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Leaving and starting over is a lot easier before getting married than after. Save yourself the pain, misery and cost of divorce. This guy sucks.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics