Thoughts on names

I would be jumping up and down to go from a 9-letter last name to 4 lol. But I get it. While I did change my last name, I LOVED my maiden name and if I weren't so darned traditional I would've kept it. Do I think it's crazy to have a 15 letter last name? I wouldn't do it out of sheer laziness when it comes to signing my name, but I don't think you're nuts to be thinking about it at all! It would certainly be original, and a mouthful lol, but also a nice way to honor the familial unit you and your husband would become, while also honoring the familial unit you came from. Plus you would also have at least one part common last name as your future children.

If it’s impostant to you, hyphenate. You don’t have to use both names in a social setting, you could choose to go with one or the other socially and a hyphenated name legally.

I don't think it would be crazy to hyphenate your name. It might be a lot to say, but who cares what anyone else thinks. I definitely understand why you would want to add his last name. Today I got a call from the vet about our cat. She called me by my fiancee's last name and referred to him as my husband. It kinda made my day and gave me this great feeling about us being one. You can always wait to change it until you fully decide and you could always change it back if you change your mind too. I think you should just go with what your heart tells you.

I totally get where you’re coming from. I’ve said since I was young that I wouldn’t change my name. Add to that the fact that I’m established in my career and will be 37 when I get married, and it just makes me all that more reluctant to change my name.

BUT, I totally get what you mean about things no longer being hypothetical and having thoughts about what it is marriage means and letting that sway your thoughts.

Ultimately, I decided there was no way I was going to give up my maiden name, but I also thought it would be nice to share a name with my FH. I don’t like the look of the hyphen and the fact that you’re legally obligated to sign the entire thing for the rest of your life. For these reasons, I decided to take 2 last names. I will be Summer MiddleName MaidenName FHname. My maiden name is only 6 letters and FH’s is only 6 letters so it’s not too bad. Plus, by having 2 separate last names instead of a single hyphenated one, it gives you much more flexibility. You can legally use one or the other or both. (Some states don’t allow for this when you apply for your marriage license though, so you’ll have to check.)

I’m keeping my name. Its only 4 letters long. FH’s is 7 letters long. I don’t want to have to change my professional licenses. I have a more complicated situation with hyphenating my name because FH is from a culture that gives everyone 2 last names. We already have a child and as FH’s culture dictates our son has his last name as (FH paternal surname, my surname) so if I were to add FH’s surname to the end of mine, it makes it backward from our sons name. If I were to put FH surname before my own, culturally they would see him as my father (bc it would be in the paternal surname place) lol. So I will be keeping my name and all of our kids will have 2 last names following the culture of their dad it will be paternal surname followed by maternal surname.

I wouldn’t recommend it. I also would not recommend giving children solely the father’s last name. I used to work in international HR, and I saw SOOO many issues with that. Especially, if you think you’ll ever travel internationally with the kids without your hubby. You’ll have to provide a lot of proof that they are your kids since your last name is completely different.

I’m hyphenating without the hyphen if that makes sense. And really for professional reasons to still have my last name. Both our last names are 9 letters long and equally get messed up. So I’ll be 18 letters of a hot verbal mess.I’m adding his for future kids sake. We both have worked with kids in that past (he still does) and know who is whose parent in person but on paper it gets tricky. Our kids will only have his last name though. Basically I’m keeping mine strictly for professional reasons. The regular day to day life of things I can be both or just his.

I have no intention of changing my name.
And have a similar issue with hyphening (the length and type of names don’t work) and if it did work both FH and I would hyphenate not just me.

You can always double barrell socially (for example if you have children be down with having a hyphenated name) and not change it legally.

As to the children and travel thing. People will have different experiences, with many not having an issue. It can be easier to have a different surname to your child as a mother because it lots of parts of the world women don’t change their name. Here you can add onto your passport and ‘also known as’ surname if that is possible you could always add your FHs surname to that section to get around any perceived issue.

Or just decide that keeping you name is the important part and the rest is collateral

I SO know where you are coming from. As a scientist, I have papers written in my maiden name and publications so that can be hard. One thing you could do would be to legally change your name to a hyphen and go as that casually. But professionally you could just refer to yourself by your maiden name. Almost like an author. You sound like you love your last name so you should keep it. For me, while I am the last one with my family name which is very generic, I am excited to get a more unique name (but a lot more complicated to say).

I think if it is something you are feeling is important to you than do it! I have always been excited to change my last name. My dad was adopted by my "grandpa" so my last name has actually no "family" tie to it, besides my own family of 5. I have always felt that taking my husbands name and having kids with that last name would feel more like it should. But EVERYONE has a reason for what they want to do, and if I were in your shoes, I would definitely hyphen. It sounds like it is the best way for you to get what you want and for your future kids sake as well!

I would just keep your last name. As long as you're comfortable with your children having your husbands last name we are living in the day and age where it is completely acceptable to keep your maiden name in your marriage. You are wearing the ring and you are giving everything else to your significant other so your name can remain yours if you choose.

I had planned to change my name until I did a Google search of what my new name would be and found another woman by that name in the exact same career field as me (very niche, tiny field). She is 15 years older than me so more established and she owns all the web addresses and email addresses associated with that name. I felt like if I changed my name it would tank my career. Now, I plan to use FH's name socially but keep my maiden name legally for my work/ career. I do love my maiden name so I'm not too upset but I did like the idea of sharing a name.

I vote keep your last name. I didn't change my last name, and like you, never thought it would. Right before the wedding, it also became not hypothetical and I briefly thought about changing my name. I was thinking about what it means to be married and be a family. Now, almost two year out, I don't feel any less married or any less of a family b/c I don't share a last name with my husband. Most of my friends didn't change their last names or they both hyphenated, and I don't think anybody feels less married! I occasionally correct people, but nobody even bats an eye. People who didn't know me before sometimes assume my current last name is my husband's last name and I did change it! Any kids we have will have my husband's last name and maybe my last name as a middle name. And I will deal with any confusion as a result.

I would just hyphenate...gives you the best of both, everyone is happy. That way you will share a name with your future children too. Who cares if it's long? Most hyphenated names are long.

Here is an idea I got from my FH side of the family: My FMIL took her husbands last name but wanted at least one of her boys to carry on her maiden name. They decided to give my FH her maiden name for his middle name which I thought was pretty cool. Just an idea!

I have a very long Italian last name, 11 letters to be specific. While I’m not changing to his (I’m 47) I am adding his onto mine without the hyphen and can use them together, or choose one or the other depending on the setting. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment I had never thought of this, thanks for bringing it up.

Personally I think hyphenated names rarely work together, they usually sound clunky to me. I think this is a cool idea- FH's middle name (Walsh) is his mother's maiden name. I think its really sweet and he's always thought it was really cool. Idk if something like that is appealing to you, but I'm just suggesting that there are some different and creative ways people choose to pass on names.

On a related note, we do a weird thing with middle names in my family. The oldest child receives the middle name of that same-gendered parent. Once those are used, then the subsequent children's middle names are the first names of their same-gendered godparent. So, as the oldest female child, my middle name, Louise, is the same as my mother's middle name and my grandma's middle name. If I have a daughter, her middle name is supposed to be Louise. My younger sister's middle name, Rose, is after her godmother, our Aunt Rose. My sister now has an infant daughter, who's middle name is Rose. If we follow that tradition from my family, it means that if/when FH and I have a son, we'll pass on FH's middle name (his mother's maiden name, Walsh) to our oldest son as his middle name.

View Quoted Comment

That's so funny, I just commented also how my FH's middle name is his mother's maiden name!

My fiance told me he would be offended if I didn't take his last name. He is super traditional. I always fugured I would take my FH last name. I never really cared much either way I guess. But now that the time has come I'm having a hard time giving up my long extremly irish last name for his short italian last name. I am a red head and seriously irish! My last name now is a McC.... about as irish as you can get. He is 1st generation born in america. His father born in italy. I love him to death lol but I kinda wish he was irish too. I dont think I would care much going from one name to the other if they were both irish. However since he is italian our kids will have a chance to maybe tan lol 😁