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Layla

Those who had a micro wedding not due to Covid- did your family have a celebration for you before or after?

Layla, on August 26, 2021 at 1:04 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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My mom & sister really want to have a gathering of extended family and some friends a few weeks before my micro wedding (basically an engagement party), but I think it would be rude bc these people are not invited to my wedding, and it’s not because of Covid restrictions. My fiancé and I just want a small wedding with only immediate family, so that’s what we’re doing. I feel bad because I know they want to plan something special for me, but I can’t get over the fact that it’s rude to invite people to an engagement party who aren’t invited to the wedding.


Has anyone dealt with this or have suggestions on what to do?

9 Comments

Latest activity by Pirate & 60s Bride, on August 26, 2021 at 10:14 PM
  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    You are absolutely correct, inviting people to pre-wedding events, but not the wedding, is considered rude. Being invited to pre-wedding events signals to the guests that they will also be invited to the wedding. It’s really sweet that your mom and sister want to celebrate this special time- I would suggest to them hosting a celebration AFTER the wedding.
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Could they just host it after the wedding instead?

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  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    To add to my previous post… A celebratory dinner or something of that nature after the wedding would be great! Just make sure there is no mention of gifts, as that could make you appear “gift grabby” to your guests. Make it clear to them that it is strictly a celebratory dinner, and no gifts are expected/wanted- only their presence.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Having a small wedding is absolutely fine and there's no need to also have a bigger celebration unless that's something you really want. If you want that bigger party, I think there's far less chance for awkwardness or hurt feelings if that celebration comes after your wedding instead of before.

    I had a small (immediate family only) wedding by choice (not COVID-related) and was content without a bigger celebration. It's OK to decline the offer of the party if you don't want it. If they love you, they will respect your wishes.

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  • Layla
    Layla ·
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    Like a few weeks after the wedding? I could be more ok with that
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  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    It would be rude to host them before but not after. My sister had a tiny wedding of 15 people because she was in medical school and too busy to have a big one. Then several months later they did two receptions, one hosted by the bride's parents in their hometown and another hosted by the groom's in theirs. So just skip the engagement party and have a celebratory dinner after.
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  • Samantha
    Super May 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Depends on how these people are, I would say. People in my world are pretty laid back, so they wouldn't be offended if they knew my wedding was a small family only thing.

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  • Courtney
    Dedicated July 2021
    Courtney ·
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    We had an engagement party right after we got engaged in August 2019 knowing we’d be having a long engagement and “eloping” in March 2021. It was a fancy party for about 50 guests. We had the best time. We decided to do this because we didn’t want the expense of a big party after our big trip. I’m glad we planned for that because our private ceremony in Kauai become a glacier National park wedding in July due to covid with a few family crashing haha.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    We did this. 15 guests at a destination wedding, 50 guests three months later at a”celebration of marriage” reception three months later. Definitely don’t invite guests not invited to the wedding to any “pre-wedding” events. A reception after is ok.
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