Those of you who kept your maiden name, has it been tough to deal with comments from others?

I'm keeping my name. My fiance's mom was disappointed, and a few people were surprised to hear that I'm not taking his name, but so far, no cruel or rude comments. For the most part, people have been supportive. Anyone that asked "why aren't you taking his name?", I either answered with an honest explanation, or left it at, "Because I decided to keep my own name", depending on who was asking. You don't owe anyone an explanation if you don't want to give one.

Kept my name. You know sometimes it is something I get comments about because a lot of my friends are married decided to take their spouses name

I kept my maiden name and haven't received any rude comments or pushback whatsoever! I think it's pretty normal these days for women to keep their names

Yes, I received negative comments. One went as far to say that I must not love my FH. I laughed and responded that one shows love by their daily actions. I also love to drop some cultural knowledge. Ex: 75 percent of the world, the woman keeps their maiden name! Even countries where we are taught treat women like dirt: Iraq, Iran, Saudi Arabia, the woman does NOT take her husband's last name.

The American tradition of women changing nanes started bc women were PROPERTY of their husbands. Slavery was a tradition in America. Just bc something is tradition, it doesn't make it right.

I am still in the process of changing my name but I have been getting the surprise of everyone because I am changing my name everyone in my life is shocked and I have been getting negative comments about my choice to do so but at the end of the day it is your decision and only yours alone no matter what anyone else says

I kept my name, and the only rude comment was when my husbands brother found out and said that it felt like I was half in the marriage because I didn’t want to change my last name. I had my reasons and he seemed to be ok when my husband said he didn’t care. I haven’t heard him complain since.

I grew up using my mom's, half the family used Mom's and half Dad's on our birth certificates. I kept mine, and some of our kids have mine, some his ( with the other as a middle name, but not hyphenated. This goes back to our arctic peoples, tribes with maternal clan and paternal, usually names go maternal. So our kids are 3rd generation , us living mostly N NH, but others Canada, Finland, Greenland. The only trouble, 3 generations in a row, has been with some small town bureaucrats and teachers. And their biggest problem is not our surnames. That ceased to be a problem in late 1950's to 1960's, when laws were changed that had said, if there is a known father, married or not, child bears name. Children who are illegitimate only, must use mom's. So in my parent's youth, born ****, it was an issue. In our child hoods, and now, all but one of us 5 girls in my family kept our birth name, and she changed at first marriage, then back and kept for second. And now that evert 1st cousin, children of my parents' brothers and sisters, are married, 2 of 42 women changed, and none of the women who married the 30 guys did. We all have the same experience now as my parents had when we are little: it has only been a problem as an element of prejudice. My parents, and a couple of their sibs, in 3 small towns 1970's and 80's, had to get court orders against some teachers and principals, or the school administrative units. Examples: teachers in K or first who decided that Zak must spell his name Zachary, Taj should learn to write David, that our Miki must use Michael, etc, always saying, children should have good Christian names, or else they will be made fun of. Or, simply, that teachers should not be required to use heathen names. And they have always objected to 2 surnames, though in my generation those have been kids who were given their Dad"s name. So those of us given my Mom's birth name as our surname, no problem. It is a short Scandinavian name. But those named after my father ( his maternal clan for many generations) does not " sound American" so folks decide in the schools, they " ought to change it." After a couple times in our family and my Dad's sister, they just go to court. You would think in the same school system, 5 kids with a mame, you would only have to fight it once, have the judge say, the law gives the right to choose children's names to the parents ( with few exceptions), $1000 fine for the school. And they keep increasing the fines. Still, every few years, a teacher, or a principal, or a school clerk at the administrative unit makes a fuss. They alway dislike what they consider Heathen or un-American sounding names.
Even when those are the father's name, when the alternative is using the mothers. The other thing on all three generations, every family where it occurs, some teacher or school office person objects to kids from the same family with different surnames. But they do it for children of divorce. And when children are taken in as foster children, they loudly complain, then, that the kids should take the family name, when they are not adopted. 🙃 So when I signed up my 2 youngest, twins, a boy and a girl, this year, 4 years since the last started, Someone in the office complained. And decided they should use 1 family name, not different surnames. So they chose, mine, my mother's name, her mother's before that.
Because my husband's common Italian name ( named after a major city and region in Italy) does not sound American, and is too long for a child to learn ( learned to write it at age 3.) And when I laughed and pointed out my surprise that they likesd my maternal surname, which was my mother's, they fussed and twittered like birds who see a cat near their nest. As one said " Well we can't do that either, children are supposed to have their father's names...can't we change his to a shorter, acceptable American name?" Three generations, many cousins on both sides, and what I have learned is that a lot of people have different, strange notions of who has the authority to choose names. And what constitutes an acceptable name, to whom. Keeping your own last name does not matter much to most outsiders. Unless their personal agenda is involved. Women must take husband's names, no one should have a long name, no one should have an un-American spelled or sounding name, all should be Christian names ( even if the people are not. My next door neighbor had to fight over Johann and Krist, no one cares that she kept her birth name and the kids have it. Do what you are happy with. If someone gives you a hard time, tell them you make a point of never taking advice from idiots, or people with delusions who think they rule the world.

View Quoted Comment Wow, I’m sorry you and your family have had so much trouble regarding names and culture!! I am glad you’ve stuck to your roots, it’s certainly given me more confidence for any future comments I could receive.


I actually noticed when creating my family tree that it was normal for a long time (at least it seems so for the Pennsylvania Dutch and Huguenots) for married women to change their middle name to their maiden name and then the children had two last names. Then the fathers name only would go onto the grandchildren along with the daughter in law’s maiden name, etc. At first I wasn’t sure if those names were official, but government documents hold it true. Learning that made me so happy! Things haven’t been as black and white as I had previously thought. At least not in many families.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for pointing that out! I do remember reading things like that from people of many of other cultures.

I'm adding his name to mine. I didn't mind changing it that way, but I was not going to give up any of my names. (My whole attitude going into this was: We're getting married. I'm not being absorbed by him, so why should I have to give up a part of myself to do this?)

I'm sure covid has shielded me from a lot of comments (it's harder to criticize someone when you don't see them), but during the pre-covid planning process I had to keep reminding myself that this is not about anyone else. It's gotten easier.

Just try to remember that as long as you and your FH (but mostly you in this case) are happy with your decisions, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about your wedding or your name.

View Quoted Comment Something that was true in most of Europe in colonial times, and up to 1800's, was that when there were no male heirs, and there was a family business, or property, whether sailing ship,ill owners, syables, the male marrying the oldest daughter was offered a place in the business, and an inheritance, if he changed his name to his new wife's surname. Even if the wife carried the title or owned the business or land. I know people who have tripped over that, the name of their father's line ending on a wealthy woman. In New Hampshire, that happened in colonial times. Bit any woman who owned property, commercial business, or was head of her family, could vote in elections. And property owning women, and free black men, LOST the right to vote when they became a state. Lots of things are not nearly as cut and dried as people made it sound.

My fiancé doesn’t have a last name/family name. In Bangladesh, many people don’t share family names. He has two names, and he actually goes by his 2nd name. He isn’t interested on taking my family name, so we are just keeping our original names! Works perfectly fine with me.

View Quoted Comment Wow you are very fortunate! Do you live in a big city?

I’ve made it clear for many years that it’s not something I’d ever consider doing. Anyone who knows me well knows that and knows better than to be disrespectful about it. If they ever try, I have plenty to say in return.
I wrote papers on this issue in college, and I’ve seen the studies done on it. A lot of people in the US do have an issue with it, but that comes from outdated sexist “traditions” and laws from the past. Women are no longer required to do a lot of the things we had to do. Shockingly, we have our own identities!
It’s your name and your identity. It’s no one else’s business. If anyone tries to say anything to you, kindly remind them that they are welcome to change their identities just as you are entitled to keep your own.

I kept mine and nobody made any rude comments (one married lady said she wish she kept hers). Maybe because we’re older? 40’s/50’s.

The only comment I've gotten was MIL, who asked me if I was keeping my name. I said I was. She said, "Good girl."

I should mention, at this point, that she kept hers. (So did my stepmom.)

It's common in my area, and if anyone was foolish enough to say something rude to me... that's about the point where I'd go full Jersey on them.

It's none of their dang business, it's not remotely required (and against cultural practices in many places), and it reflects poorly on the person complaining.

We both hyphenated. I chose this so I could keep my maiden name while also taking my wife’s name. She liked the idea and decided to do the same. No one gave us any push back on this decision, and even if they did, It wouldn’t have changed my mind.

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I do! I have a fairly progressive family and circle of friends. I'm also in academia and in my field, it's the women who decide to change their names who get the rude comments from their colleagues!

I actually took my Husbands last name but I never dropped my last name.
My last name has been apart of me all my life I dredded to just drop it! So I have a double last name non hyphenated