This is something that has kept me up at night so please no hate.

If you want her there invite her and not the kids. Just say you had to minimize your headcount. I think you are spot on for protecting those you love.

I invited 3 groups of people to my wedding because I felt obligated to invite the 1st couple because they invited me to their wedding that should have been a month before mine but got pushed back for next year but then I felt obligated to invite his brother since I’m a bit closer to him and they wanted to bring their dad. the 2nd group my mom convinced me its good to have them there they are old family friends who have a daughter I was close too that’s 2 adults and their 3 adult kids and the last group was just an old friend and his girlfriend. In total inviting 10 people I felt obligated and the 1st group didn’t show up at all on the day of the wedding didn’t call or text to apologize they did text my sister to tell her the 2nd group of 5 people were there for the ceremony but left right after that again didn’t tell me they were leaving early or apologize and the last group messaged me they might not make it the morning of the wedding but were able to make it but out of those 10 people I felt obligated to invite only 2 came and stayed for most of the wedding. Point of the story if you feel in any way obligated to invite them don’t! If in doubt take them out, of the list

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I agree! Most of our friends have children and ALL of them are getting babysitters. Not because we said so, but they want to have fun without having to worry about where their children are. Maybe she will feel the same

View Quoted Comment I feel this way also! And I also feel like I might be being a bit of a B and someone kind of said I was but to bad so sad for them. I keep talking to FH saying only people that have had a positive impact on our lives should be at our wedding, not your moms friends that I don't know, not your old friend from high school that you haven't talked to in years, not your friend who lives in Alaska that I've never met, not your brother who has called me names and calls you to complain about me but can't call you to congratulate you(the brother will get an invite so I stopped talking about it and am just dealing with it because I love FH) ...

I say skip the invite. Do people really ask why they weren't invited? I would never ask someone that question!

I wouldn't invite her at all. If she's an anti vaxxer, her own vaccines may not be up to date, assuming she got any at all. She also may be one of those people who brings her children uninvited. Don't deal with the headache and stress. Don't put the health of your guests at risk. If she's a "decent" friend as opposed to a super close friend, I'm not sure she'd take it well if you tell her that her children are an unruly public health risk. She might try to persuade you otherwise, or promise to get them their shots. IF she asks, just blame it on venue and budget.

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Agreeing whole heartily here.

Invite her and her partner only and cite budget constraints.

If she has an issue, she can stay home

Invite her, not the children. Say you are only inviting family children and bridal party since they are VIPs. I wouldn't put my family at risk. We basically have quite a few friends with kids but they aren't invited. We invited family children only and the flower girl. We already know a lot of FH's side isn't even bringing their kids because they want a night out!

I think you could invite her and not the kids, even if there will be other kids there. She can make the decision if she wants to come or not but I don't think she has any place to be upset her kids aren't invited... 1) they sound kinda terrible, and 2) they are of no real relation to you or your FH.

Maybe you could tell her that the children at your wedding will all be immediate family. (that is how I read your post anyway) If you really want her there, tell her she deserves to celebrate with the adults for once. If you aren't sure you do want her there, don't invite her. Most people understand how expensive a wedding is. You can always invite her to the bachelorette party.

Tell her about your family’s health conditions only and say you’ll understand if she can’t make it but can only invite her and her husband

I guess I am in the minority that I do not expect my child to be invited everywhere that I am, especially when it comes to events like weddings. If it were me I would just invite the neighbor and her spouse and not the children. If they do not want to get a babysitter, they can decline.

No hate, this is a very legitimate concern. You shouldn't let it keep you up at night. That's stress you don't need! I agree with many PPs, I would just not invite her, citing budget constraints if it comes up. Since there will be other children there, it could cause bad feelings or an awkward situation. Best to keep things simple, and just leave her off the list, in my opinion.

Thanks for posting your concerns, btw. I'm guessing this is an issue many people don't even think of this when making their list of people to invite.

There’s no invitation. What prevents the parents for being a carrier of whatever their children are not vaccinated against?

Don’t invite her and if she asks be honest. I think anti-vaxxers need to understand how serious these diseases can be for those who depend on herd immunity. You are completely in the right to look out for the babies and chemo treatment guests you will be having at your wedding.

I see two options: invite her, but not her kids or not invite her at all if that doesn't seem feasible. You do NOT want that stress in your life on your wedding day.

View Quoted Comment Agree 100%. However, I would only day that if asked why they weren't being invited.

I almost stopped reading at unvaccinated.
I wouldn't invite them. Any of them.
I wouldn't invite the kids because they're a health risk.
I wouldn't invite the mother either. I'd probably terminate our friendship. I dont have time for people who aren't intelligent enough to vaccinate their children.

View Quoted Comment I'd assume the mother has probably been vaccinated as a child. Seeing she lived long enough to be an adult and have kids.
Joking... sort of.

I think the simplest solution is to not invite her. If she were to ever bring it up tell her there was simply no space after family and closest friends. I do not mom shame at all but in my opinion I think it is too dangerous not to vaccinate your children and you’re right for not wanting to put anyone at risk.

View Quoted Comment This exactly! I'd be afraid she's carrying something..