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Beginner October 2020

This is something that has kept me up at night so please no hate.

Angel, on July 23, 2019 at 11:06 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 54

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Okay So I’m taking a poll. My next door neighbor and I are decent friends. She would be someone expecting a wedding invitation. But here is the problem. Her children are both unvaccinated and misbehaved. There will be a good amount of children there. About 10. With two maybe three babies. 90% of the children are my family with a few exceptions with my bridal party. I also have to figure my family going through chemo and other immune compromised members. I feel like I have a responsibility to protect those people. Also the youngest child is an absolute nightmare when he is having a melt down. Which happens every time he doesn’t get his way. What should I do? Tell her to get a babysitter or let all the parents of my immediate family know that there will be unvaccinated children and hope they don’t cause a scene.

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54 Comments

Latest activity by Florida Marlins, on August 6, 2019 at 12:07 PM

Master December 2019
Courtney · on July 23, 2019 at 11:12 AM
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I would simply not invite her- doing some is going to open up the can of worms. If she asks why she didn't get one tell her it was due to budget/venue reasons.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 23, 2019 at 11:13 AM
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I agree with Courtney. Leaving her off the guest list is the simplest solution!
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 23, 2019 at 11:14 AM
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I would just invite her and not the children. If the rest of the kids at the wedding will be family or children of the wedding party, I don’t see why that would be a problem.
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VIP June 2020
Jessica · on July 23, 2019 at 11:15 AM
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I wouldn't invite them and if she asks about it tell her the only children that you could include due to budget were the kids in the family and the wedding party. If she doesn't like that answer then she can decline.
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Devoted June 2019
Rockie · on July 23, 2019 at 11:20 AM
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Only invite her, if she asks about her kids say you can only accommodate her at this time and the only kids invited are family. If she doesn’t want to come without her kids she doesn’t have to
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Expert November 2019
Brooke · on July 23, 2019 at 12:21 PM
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If you do not feel comfortable inviting her, don't invite her. This is your wedding and your decision, and if you feel it would be best to protect your family and not invite her, then don't
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Super October 2021
Nicole · on July 23, 2019 at 12:28 PM
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I would invite her and not the kids. Just explain that only related children are invited if she asks.
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Savvy February 2021
Kayla · on July 23, 2019 at 12:30 PM
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I wouldnt let the kids come. We are having immediate family kids only. I have 5 kids and still couldnt handle a wedding day filled with kids running around, especially misbehaved ones.
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Master May 2021
Cristy · on July 23, 2019 at 12:34 PM
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I love kids, and can't wait to see them have a blast at my wedding. However, if I found out that one of my intended guests had a bunch of UNVACCINATED kids, there is no way I would be inviting them to my wedding. It's just not worth the risk. I would probably not invite their mother, either. But if you still want to invite your neighbor, I say do what the others here suggest and invite only her. Tell her you'd like to see her get a night out without the kids for once. If she doesn't want to leave them with a sitter, she'll decline.
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Savvy July 2020
Amanda · on July 23, 2019 at 12:35 PM
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I would not invite at all. It is your wedding and your family members should not have to worry about potentially getting sick from a neighbors kids. Also, do you really want a tantrum taking place while you and hubby are in the middle of your vows or your first dance??
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 23, 2019 at 12:38 PM
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Don't invite her at all! Just skip the headache. Tell her you could only afford family and missed her.
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Devoted May 2022
Madison · on July 23, 2019 at 12:39 PM
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I’m so glad you are wanting to do that for your family!!! This is something that you shouldn’t have to deal with but unfortunately you do because of people like her. Don’t invite her. If it’s already made you this stressed don’t let it get any further.
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Devoted May 2022
Madison · on July 23, 2019 at 12:43 PM
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My brother and I were talking the other day as he got engaged to his fiancé because I did but our wedding is before theirs. I asked him if I’m a b**** for not wanting to have certain people there. And I mean people in our family. We both were talking about how weddings have now become more of a party to please other people and we don’t like that. I want to have people there that I genuinely love being around and that I know are going to make me happy not people I invited to spare feelings. It sounds harsh I know but it’s our wedding and I want it to be a love filled experience. That’s not going to happen when you’re listening to a kid freak out and you being worried about your family. I wish you the best of luck.
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on July 23, 2019 at 12:46 PM
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Inviting her and not the children would probably cause an issue, hurt feelings, argument etc. Personally, I would just not invite her. If she asks about it, just say that it is a family only wedding and that you are sorry but hope to celebrate with her another time. You do have a responsibility to protect your guests but also your sanity!
What happens when the terror child knocks over a vase and glass shatters everywhere or doesn't like the food and slings his plate off the table or develops a weird cough the day before and is coughing and spreading whatever they have to your guests. Ok, maybe all that is a little dramatic but there is just too much that can go wrong.
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Dedicated May 2020
Abigail · on July 23, 2019 at 12:49 PM
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I agree. I would not invite her at all or only invite her and let her know its only family children. I had a friend's little girl ask if she was coming to my wedding and before I could even respond her mom told her "Sometimes only mommy and daddy go to weddings" and even though her kids will be invited to my wedding, it was SO nice to hear someone vocalize that.
It will be a nice getaway for her too. She shouldn't take offense to it, especially since you aren't giving her the exact reason. By the way, it is super thoughtful of you to consider everyone else at your wedding in regards to her children being unvaccinated. I would appreciate that if I was a mother.
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Super August 2006
Cassandra7 · on July 23, 2019 at 12:54 PM
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Don't invite the children and tell her the truth about their lack of vaccinations. If she's going to put society at risk, she should know she's paying a social price for that.
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Expert August 2019
Sherrie · on July 23, 2019 at 12:55 PM
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Yes this exactly. This is the simplest and most problem free way of going about it.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 23, 2019 at 12:59 PM
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Yea I dont think I'd invite her at all if that were the case
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VIP September 2019
Yam · on July 23, 2019 at 1:14 PM
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I also know someone expecting an invitation that doesn’t vaccinate her children, I also have immune compromised guests. You simply can’t invite your friend. Offer to go to a spa together or something when you get back from your honeymoon. Not everyone gets invited, that’s just how weddings are.
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Expert August 2019
Aliciabilly2019 · on July 23, 2019 at 1:19 PM
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I would tell her she can come if she can get a babysitter and explain that you have people in your family that cant get sick bc she chooses to not vaccinate her children which is nuts this day in age to not but whatever. Just be as decent about it as you can just let her know if she cant then she wont be able to come .
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