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Savvy February 2023

Therapist just because of wedding planning?

Mimimushrooms, on June 30, 2022 at 3:46 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
I’m seriously considering getting a therapist because of all the stress coming out of wedding planning. A part of me feels it’s justified, another part says it’s frivolous.

A lot of the stress is not the wedding itself per se, but what the impending wedding is uncovering about my dysfunctional family. I knew we had quite a few skeletons in the closet but I’m uncovering an entire necropolis here. When it’s just me and FH planning, it’s been actually fun and something to look forward to. But as soon as my family gets involved, it makes me want to uninvite everyone.
I had an epiphany last weekend when my mother decided to be immature and passive aggressive over me selecting hair and makeup on my own. While I found out later (from my father) she was upset because she’s been feeling left out in general, she expressed her anger by threatening to not attend and therefore by proxy ensuring no one else in my family would attend either.
My reaction was “Oh good. It’s actually less stressful if they don’t come.” Then I realized that if that was my gut reaction with very little distress, the situation is probably not good.
Anyhow, the current bandaid is for me to tell her when I’m thinking between 2-3 choices (doable imo, I just tend to be very self-reliant). But something tells me I should have been more upset with the idea of my family not coming rather than “That’s not a bad idea at all.”


Latest activity by Is, on July 13, 2022 at 1:19 PM
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    Honestly i think if you need to speak to someone to help your mental health, it is totally fine! wedding planning things are stressful and if you feel it can help you learn how to manage your stress in general better too, that can really help your life for the future as well.

    a lot of the things you will learn about yourself and about the way you think or mechanisms to help your thought process are so useful!

    i go to therapy on and off mostly whenever i need it so don't think that therapy has to be something that you do in timeframes or for set periods of time - it's when you need it and if you need it now, then it's ok to go!

    • Reply
  • Imani
    Rockstar July 2022
    Imani ·
    • Flag
    Definitely talk to someone. I think it’s important to normalize the need for help. You’ll feel so much better when you do. Also, when talking to someone it makes it easy because you’re talking to someone who doesn’t know you so it’s not bias. Rather than talking to a family member. If that makes sense. I honestly think you’ll enjoy the therapy sessions if you do.
    • Reply
  • Leslie
    Devoted December 2022
    Leslie ·
    • Flag
    Aw man sorry you have to go through all that🙃🙃 that is definitely not a justified reason for your mom to get so upset.. it’s your wedding afterall. I chose the hair and makeup I wanted without looking for my moms approval although did ask her if she thought it was nice just because sorta thing but not necessarily for approval. Maybe if anything ask for more opinions here and there to make her feel included? Just because they give opinions doesn’t mean you have to go along with it. It is extreme not wanting to go to your wedding because of that though.

    I know it’s difficult but breathe in and breathe out. Protect your peace at any cost as that is priceless. Remember also that nothing is ever personal, if anyone lashes out at you without reason it’s because they are not okay themselves, an emotionally healthy person would not do that. And lastly go with the flow of all the waves in life do not fight them and take things as they go one day at a time🤍 really hope things improve for you. You got this! Everything will be just fine🤍
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Dysfunctional families are definitely a topic to discuss with a therapist regardless of wedding planning. A lot of people don’t feel like they can be assertive with others or they don’t know how to deal with other people not being able to communicate. Don’t feel weird or guilty about finding one to navigate those murky waters. Leaning how to set and maintain boundaries with fiancé as your support is vital to your mental health. Sometimes you have to cut contact with toxic friends and family to be able to function at your best.

    As far as wedding planning, it’s your and fiancé’s decision to plan what you want. Parents and others who already got married don’t get a say unless they are contributing even a penny. They come from a generation where the couple didn’t get to pick anything because their parents planned it and many feel that is how it should be forever. That’s where boundaries come in.
    • Reply
  • Gillian
    Devoted October 2022
    Gillian ·
    • Flag
    Registered nurse here! (I also see a therapist). If you feel like you need or should talk to a therapist, trust your gut! If you don’t like the first one you go to, try a different person! There’s so many options now for online vs in person. Highly recommend. Between all the life changes, day-to-day, and planning a wedding, sometimes exactly what you need is someone to talk to.
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    Definitely talk to someone. Events like weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people.

    If people threaten non-attendance, simply say "you'll be missed". Calling the bluff usually works.

    • Reply
  • Paige
    Rockstar October 2022
    Paige ·
    • Flag

    Just because issues come to a head during wedding planning doesn't mean they haven't been there longer or aren't worth talking about. I maintain that everyone can be benefitted in some way from seeing a therapist, so if you feel the need to talk to someone, go for it! Hope you feel better soon ❤

    • Reply
  • I
    Beginner October 2022
    Is ·
    • Flag

    I'm so sorry you're dealing with this stress!! I think it's perfectly fine to get a therapist- not a bad idea at all, especially when wedding planning itself is so much stress. It's honestly really helpful to have a third party, unbiased and professional perspective (someone who's seen the gamut of family drama, because believe me, we all have it!) help you solve these issues and help you find a solution you might not have thought of. Sending you my love!!

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