The Wedding Night

Your first time is awkward no matter when you do it. temper your expectations.

i dont think that i would want that pressure on my wedding night. most brides i talk to say they're totally exhausted by the end of the night... that, plus the well documented effects of whiskey (among other spirits) on the male member...i wouldnt put a lot of weight on what does or doesnt happen that night.

Don't set high expectations. It will be weird, it will be awkward, and probably uncomfortable.

I'd agree with pee after, and maybe chat with your gyn about getting a mild antibiotic for UTI in advance because you do NOT want that misery on your honeymoon.

Is it his first time?

It's weird and awkward the first time regardless. May as well wait for your wedding night! I completely expect FH and I will fall asleep and there won't be any sex on the wedding night.

I think it's awesome that you're waiting! And like everyone else said... It's not going to be like the movies. It takes time to learn not only your body, but his body too. He'll need time to learn things you like and things you don't like. Keep communication open and eventually you'll have great sex! Even after all these years we still have awkward moments.... He gets a cramp, has to stop to pee, I'm as dry as the Mohave desert.... It happens. Don't worry about it and you guys will be fine.

I think it's amazing you've waited to do it until after you're married. Don't quit now! I agree with PP that many couples are way too tired the night of the wedding to do anything more than cuddling and passing out. I also think you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself or him to have it be like the movies. The second, third, fourth times (and so on, and so on) will be better.

Ok, granted I'm older than most of you, and maybe it's been so long since my first time I don't remember it correctly *kidding!* but IMO I don't see much reason to wait.

There's a lot of ways to make the first time special, and unless you feel you have to wait, I say don't.

General opinon of wedding night sex is it's a set up for disappointing. I wouldn't want my marriage to start off like that let alone my first time ever. I like the idea of picking a nice hotel room sometime before the wedding, use the hot tub or relax in a hot bath before hand. Put some flowers and candles around the room. Maybe it's just me, and granted usually nobody on here agrees with me, but I'm wondering if waiting until after the wedding is just going to put added stress and expectations.

You should do what you feel is best for you, but those that I know that waited until after the wedding and had sex for their first time on the wedding night actually wished they hadn't.I know that isn't what most of our moms would want to hear me say (including mine) but that's what I was told. You've got a long time to have married sex. Having the first time coupled with 'not supposed to do this, I'm getting away with something' is a window that closes once you say 'I do'. That's the flip side of the coin.

Like some say not to have sex just for the sake of having it, I say don't wait just for the sake of waiting. I say you're young, and if you feel ready before the wedding then go for it. edit for typo

No I'm 28. The first time sucks, well personally. I'd do it before the wedding and get it out of the way.

Dan Savage actually has some really good advice for your first time(s). I'd look up some of his old columns if I were you. It's totally up to you to save your first time for the wedding night or not, so do whatever feels right to the two of you, no one else.

Don't do it to "get it out of the way" WTF, Rene? Take your time, do it when you're ready. Communication is the key here. There are books out there that can give tips, check amazon if you don't feel comfortable going to the bookstore. And make sure FH knows how you feel. And yes, you need lube, and you need to pee before AND after (that's not a joke).

Everytime I read these types of posts I wonder if I'm the only female on earth (ok, obviously exaggerating) that doesn't and has never used lube. . .

Anyway - Maybe I'm also the only person who had a great first time with FH. I was not a virgin, but he was. I don't know if maybe it wasn't weird because we were friends first or what, but I felt obligated to share that it doesn't have to be awkward. Most likely? Yes, but there are always exceptions to the rule.

You may want to consider not having sex your wedding night. After a long, exciting, and tiring day, you may be better off getting some sleep, so you can experiment in a more relaxed manner the next day. You've waited this long; don't make things harder just to be able to say you did it that night.

Quite honestly, sexual compatibility has been a huge factor in my relationship with fh. I think waiting is a little silly. What if sex with that person is terrible and then you're stuck for (potentially) life?

My fiance and I are waiting until we are married! We have talked about it, though. He brought it up after seeing an article about the high percentage of couples who don't actually have sex on the wedding night. It actually specified the reasons why (the groom was too drunk, or someone was too tired, etc). His point in telling me about the article was because he wanted me to know there was no pressure for me to have sex with him on our wedding night just because I thought we were supposed to. And he specified that to me. That has helped me feel a little less nervous about it. I plan to go into that night with no expectations. If we aren't too tired and it happens, great! If we want to sleep and take our time with it the next day, that's great, too.

Honestly we have talked about it but I know sleep will sound so much better than anything else we could do that night! But don't think of it as being awkward because you might get to nervous just relax and remember you married this guy because you love him and you have many years to perfect what each other wants and needs.

My best friend and her husband were both virgins on their wedding night. While I commend their (and your) lack of restraint, I also saw her nervousness; it almost consumed her leading up to and during the wedding. She is BY FAR the most outgoing person I know, but all that went out the window when it came to having sex for the first time. Both she and her DH were nervous about not knowing what to do and I think it made them overthink things. In the end, they did not regret waiting one bit. It's 4 years later and they're very happily married and have more than figured out sex and chemistry and what the other likes. It was all of the build up to the wedding night that made it so nerve-wracking. They overcame it because they loved each other truly and wholly. Once they realized it was going to be pretty terrible the first few times, they got over it and started to enjoy it - there was a lot less pressure. The first time is going to be awkward, but (not that I have any real say in the matter) I say you've made it this long and you're getting close to he wedding, so I say stick it out and wait until the wedding night You're nearly there! Be honest and communicate with your FH (this is the best advice about sex I've ever gotten). You'll both soon learn what works and what doesn't.

Don't forget to relax. If you think about it as welcoming him inside of you and it being a wonderful and exciting time, that will help things fit together better. If you're tense and nervous it will probably hurt more because your are even tighter and it will be harder for him to get inside you. I also wish that someone had told me that while yes, it will probably hurt at least a little initially, that doesn't last long. Once he was inside me the rest of it didn't hurt at all. Also, while it was by far not the best we've ever had (naturally), there was still something very special about it being the first time and knowing that we had the rest of our lives to make it better.

My first time, him and I were both a little tipsy. He couldn't keep it up and I just stared at the ceiling in pain wondering when it would be over. All my friends had told me it was going to hurt and to just accept it. Don't do that. He ended up just getting whisky d*** and calling it quits. We gave it another go a few days later. Sober and awake worked much better.

Just saying, if you're planning on drinking, that, plus being tired, plus the pressure could be a recipe for disaster. Don't set expectations and just let whatever happens happen naturally.

@FutureMrsFowler, you guys certainly have something to look forward to. My advice is to not to stress too much on what you don't know and let your natural feelings/emotions take over. He will be yours forever so you guys will have a lifetime to explore each other sexually.