The New (& Permanent) Normal

Warning: this post is about the realities we (may) face ahead as both engaged humans and in general. If you aren't looking to read this kind of info today (and that's okay!) Then, you may wanna click the back button.



I woke up and this article was on my news feed: https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2020/09/30/health/back-to-normal-bias-wellness/index.html
I have been (for the most part) avoiding a lot of news these days for my mental health. However, that headliner pulled me in with fear and a heavy heart. I have, as I am sure so many of you are, continuing to plan for a wedding at a later date in the hope of being able to have a "normal" wedding, but reality looms deeply on me. I am not unaware of the odds of a never returning back to how things once were and adjusting to a new normal. I hold hope, but deep down I know some things may never change. None of us know when, or if, we will ever be back to how things were 100%. I hold hope that despite the changes, I will be able to have a semi-normal wedding by 12/4/2021. Of course I worry, though. What if things aren't better? What if they're better but by how much? Do I postpone my life again? Questions I'm sure many of you are facing, constantly in the back of your mind, eating away at you as you push it down because there's literally nothing you can decide or do at this point in time except wait.
I'm so frustrated I waited, frustrated not only because all this happened but because I waited based on financial aid information that was incorrect. That wasted our time, our life, our fertility window. I'm so angry. I posted about my struggle to invite my father and now the choice is made for me- he's gone. I couldn't see him in the hospital, talk to him, or even attend his wake. I'm angry, Corona took that from me and now my wedding, as well. I'm so angry, tired, frustrated, and emotionally gutted. Some days the anxiety and the depression well up so high in me that I can't function anymore (fear not- I am medicated and in counseling.)

That part was my vent, but I want to add something here for you all (that probably should've had it's own post in all honesty.) In my time and study in SPED (special education), and with a sibling with disabilities, there is something I've learned that I think those of you who are struggling like me can use. When a parent discovers their child will have a disability, there is commonly a grieving period they go through with many thoughts and stages (anger, fear, depression.) In one interview a mother said it so well- she started that parents must grieve the loss of the child they once expected. The planning of big milestones, events, parties, vacation, etc. You must allow yourself to grieve the life you imagined, because it us gone. She talked about her nonverbal child, and the excitement of going through your child's first words, hearing mama or dada first. She had to grieve for herself, for that future she had longed and wanted for, that wasn't coming. For the child with auditory/sensory issues, you grieve for the family Disneyland and beach trips you envisioned, you grieve the life you imagined because it is gone, and then you are truly able to move forward- because one who has not accepted their reality and hangs onto hope in something that isn't coming, cannot move forward happily.

Just thought I'd share, this is something I've learned from various sources and it's really powerful and moving. It puts a lot of perspective in place for me, and reminds me that sometimes you can't keep hanging on, but that's it's perfectly okay to feel everything I mentioned, and let yourself grieve in order to let go and love what may be coming.

*Please note that I am in no way trying to compare a one day event to having a child with or without a disability, nor the emotional toll it takes being comparable. This is merely about the process of grieving used, as grieving is often seen as something only done during death or divorce.