The couple that can't decide..

You are not insanse It's YOUR wedding date. Do what makes you happy. Why not save a ton of money too? Do something fun and romantic for your ceremony/vows. Then you can have a large reception for your family and friends afterwards.

At the end of the day, it's what you guys want.

Nope, you're not insane. I never wanted a huge wedding though. Large crowds make me tired and worn out. All the small talk and hostess stuff multiplied by a hundred or two hundred did not sound like fun. We were going to elope, but ended up doing a JOP ceremony with just a handful of people, and even that felt like a really long day to me.

We basically did what you did. Our guests list is at 40. I wish at this point it was only me and FH because our family is being a royal PITA.

That being said its too late in the ball game for me because I already sent save the dates and all that. So if you are considering this do not send out STD's yet!

Do what makes you guys happy. I know having my grandmother and a few others there will make me super happy...but there are also going to be some people there that drive me crazy Id just assume not have to deal with on my wedding.

You're not insane, there's no requirement for a wedding to be a large affair. We cut our guest list to 45 people, which means really, really, really our closest ones. But if what feels right to you is having only the 2 of you, go for it, why not?

The only issue I'd see is whether members of your immediate families would be hurt at being excluded. Of course, if you don't like the members of your immediate families, that's not an issue. But otherwise, it may be worth thinking about including at least them.

For NotFroofy and me, I wanted to invite at least my immediate family (other than my parents). NotFroofy is not in contact with her family, but wanted at least a few people there for her. So we ended up with my immediate family plus four close friends chosen by NotFroofy.

I was thinking immediate family only and then having some type of party or reception later. My FH suggested that it just be us and our son. MAybe I can try to put the idea in his head of just immediate family though.

Teri, wedding planning is a process, so think about it as such. It takes some time and conversation to come up with a plan that fits the two of you as a couple the best. If you don't mind sharing, why did you decide to go from 30 to just the 2 of you?

We both have very large families and wanted to make sure everyone felt important and that everyone was included. But the more we thought about it, the more we realized what we really wanted. We were extremely comfortable with our budget (esp. because of all the connections we have) so it isn't about money. I guess you can say we don't want the spotlight anymore lol.

I can say if you have a mom and or dad that you get along with make sure they are there.

OK, that makes sense. Do you think your closest ones would be hurt if they weren't included?

My sister eloped, but I mean a real elopement with just the two of them. We have a tiny family and we were really hurt by that. We were really supportive of their marriage, we love the guy she married, so there were never any issues in that sense. I would understand if they wanted the ceremony just for themselves, but we still wanted to be included somehow. Just another perspective :-)

The only person i can really think of that would be hurt or upset is my dad. He and I are very close. When he remarried, he did what we are thinking about doing but in the end regret it because my sister an I weren't there. That is my only real concern as far as family goes.

Think ahead too, how will you feel 3 days after you elope? A year? I totally understand the desire, I want to add so many more people to my guest list, that sometimes I think it would be easier (AND WAY CHEAPER) to just elope. However, for me personally, I would be sad by not being surrounded by the many special people in our lives. If you think that you'll regret spending money and stressing, then go for just the two of you, if you think you'll regret not having friends & family, then in the long run, the bigger wedding is worth it. Maybe you should both think it over and see how you both think you will feel later on.

Go with your gut and what you two really want. Despite friends and family bashing us, we decided to only include Mediate family. That means a total of 11 people. Because of the small wedding we are able to have a vacation home for all of us to stay in and spend time with each other. Plus make it a mini vacation for our guests also.

However, I do think if you have anyone besides your FH your really close to, not attend. You might regret it. My mother and father eloped when they were 17, and my mother to this day says she wish she had someone else there. Anyone to just celebrate with.

GL in your decision!

Teri, I thnk you have your answer. Your Dad and sister if your close to her. I know my husband was devistated when our daughter got married and told us it was may we made all the plans then they moved it up to march so her mother could go. She never spoke to her mother in 5 years but suddenly mommy offered to come if she could change it. We saw the pics online. Dad raised her.

When I got home from work, I sat my FH down and we had a long conversation about this. We decided we would include my parents and sister and his mother, aunt and brother (his father passed away) and a few childhood friends. This way all the people that matter most to us are included and we will have no regrets late down the road . This brings our total to 12 guests.

You're not insane. 1 you only need the two of you. And 2 the more people you involve the more potential for drama. The only thing I would consider if I were going super small would be having our parents and siblings there. Other than that I would be happy to keep it small.

We are having around 200 guests. We come from big families. Just FH's parents, grandparents, siblings and spouses come to 24 people. Add the nieces and nephews in and we are at close to 60 people. So with my family, extended family and some friends, we are at the 200 mark. We couldn't begin to get small with all these people. I think parents and siblings is fine, if you can do that. We would never hear the end of it if we tried. Never hearing the end of it from that many people is to much to think about, so they are all going to be there.

Teri I'm glad you and your FH came to a decision. We were in the same boat, a bigger wedding but felt the stress and decided on a small DW wedding with immediate family only. We feel we will be happier this way and other family will understand or will get over it.

One thing that will work out for us is that our venue we are hoping to book does the webcast, so family will be able to see.

Wish you the best!

Yay! Glad you guys were able to come to a decision!

That is great! You'll have a blast!