Angie
Dedicated March 2022

That one bridesmaid.

Angie, on March 25, 2021 at 7:12 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 29
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Maybe I'm in the wrong, not sure how to handle this situation..

I don't have a huge bridal party, only 4 girls. I found this dress on David's bridal that isn't too pricey (less than $100) and it's the exact shade of burgundy I want for my wedding AND it's a dress I feel they can wear after my wedding because it's just beautiful! 3 of my bridesmaids LOVE it like absolutely love it, but 1 bridesmaid is not a fan. I don't want to not take her feelings into consideration, but should I change the dress just specifically for her?

Another thing I want to add is I might feel a little biased because I didn't like the way she said she didn't like the dress LOL just completely shut me down and said it's ugly.

She did mention she doesn't like her arms and this is a spaghetti strap dress, so that might have something to do with it? But my wedding will be in the Spring.. In Texas... It will be hot, I'm not gonna put my bridesmaids in long sleeves.

Opinions???

29 Comments

Latest activity by ScandalousRandallous, on April 5, 2021 at 3:56 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    Why not let them choose dresses that they like? It’s not common for bridesmaids to be clones anymore, they deserve to wear and spend their money on something that makes them feel beautiful.
    • Reply
  • JM Sunshine
    August 2020
    JM Sunshine ·
    • Flag
    Maybe as long as they all have the same exact color they could choose their own style to suit their level of comfort?



    • Reply
  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
    • Flag
    As a way of resolving this with minimal drama, maybe this bridesmaid can choose a different style in the same color. I did that with my ladies because I want them to feel beautiful! Everyone has parts of their body they wish they could improve or that they feel self conscious about.
    Having said that, I also believe that part of being a bridesmaid is wearing whatever dress the bride picks, even if you think it's ugly, without complaint. To the complaining BM, this is not your day, suck it up and wear the dress.
    • Reply
  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    I agree with PPs, I would let the girls each pick their own style dresses that they feel confident in, as long as it’s the same color.
    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    Does this color come in other styles? These days, the majority of brides allow their bridesmaids to have some input over the style, because everybody's body type is different. Because this is David's Bridal, I would imagine that this exact shade of burgundy that you love is available in other styles. If this bridesmaid is self-conscious about her arms, then she may feel more comfortable in a cold-shoulder style dress, which is perfect for spring.

    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think you should change the dress specifically for her, but in order to avoid these problems I think it might be best to just have the bridesmaids pick their own dresses in whatever color you pick. It just eliminates any of the potential drama.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I honestly feel like if three out of four liked it then I wouldn’t change it just for the fourth person.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Expert September 2021
    Meghan ·
    • Flag
    I was in a similar boat and had them pick out different dresses at DB. I ended up LOVING the ones each of them picked and was so happy with how they each felt in the dresses. Two of them picked one style and three picked another. I even changed my whole bridesmaid dress color from champagne to wine because they all looked so pretty in them! Maybe try on different styles and see how that goes?
    • Reply
  • Angie
    Dedicated March 2022
    Angie ·
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    This was something I had originally considered until I found THIS dress. I also agree they shouldn’t be clones and I’m not trying to sound like a bridezilla, I’ve heard of people wanting their bridesmaids wearing their hair and makeup the exact same way too and that sounds crazy to me! I’m really close to all my bridesmaids and I thought they would all love the dress but I just happened to be wrong about this one bridesmaid. The tricky thing about this dress is it’s like a satin fabric so it makes the burgundy look like an even DEEPER burgundy color, so finding a dress similar dress is a little difficult (I’ve been looking). I did show my other bridesmaids other options but they all love the original dress so if I let them pick their own styles 3 would pick this one, and the 1 bridesmaid would be different. I know that’s not the end of the world but to me it would look a little off lol but you are right they definitely all do deserve to spend their money on something that makes them feel beautiful.
    • Reply
  • Angie
    Dedicated March 2022
    Angie ·
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    You’re right having them pick their own dress from the start definitely would have been the easier route and I see a lot of bridesmaids doing that nowadays. But I personally would wear whatever the bride wanted me to wear, which is how the rest of my bridesmaids feel.
    • Reply
  • Angie
    Dedicated March 2022
    Angie ·
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    I seen one other style, but if the problem is the sleeves, this other style is still spaghetti strap so I don’t think it would make a difference. Other than those two styles I haven’t seen any other dress the exact same shade, they’re all just a bit off 😩 if I had more bridesmaids interested in a different style then it wouldn’t bother me but it’s just the one.
    • Reply
  • Angie
    Dedicated March 2022
    Angie ·
    • Flag
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    This is how I am feeling! I just don’t want to disregard her feelings, but I don’t feel it’s fair to my other bridesmaids who really like the dress.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    Let them pick the style they are comfy in in a color you choose. But don't order anything before 6 months before the wedding. If you pick a single designer, all the styles will be available in the same color.

    • Reply
  • Angie
    Dedicated March 2022
    Angie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    If I had more bridesmaids, or even if at least one more of my current bridesmaids, that wanted a different style I feel like it would work out! Yes that’s a good idea, we should all probably go look at dresses and see what they find.
    • Reply
  • JM Sunshine
    August 2020
    JM Sunshine ·
    • Flag
    It looks like your wedding is a year from now. It might be a bit early for any of your bridesmaids to buy the dress now as some could gain/lose weight between now and then. However, if most are adamant that this dress is for them, then (not trying to sound callous, as I know it's a true struggle) your 4th person has time to work on target areas they are conscious about.
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Devoted October 2021
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    Wow. I really don't know what to say. Part of me wants to say to just let that one bridesmaid choose another burgundy dress that she'd be more comfortable in, but at the same time, the other three bridesmaids have unanimously decided that this is the dress they want. More importantly, it's the dress YOU want. If she's insecure about her arms, then maybe instead of having her buy a different dress, she could get a short-sleeved wrap or a shrug. That might be something your other bridesmaids would be willing to do, too. I'm not sure where your wedding is happening next spring, but it's just about the most unpredictable season. It might be 75 degrees on your wedding day, or it might be 45. A short-sleeved shrug - aka a bolero - might be a nice compromise. David's Bridal has some really cute ones. I'm actually debating this very issue on my end. My wedding is the second to last weekend of October and in the Chicago suburbs. I'm thinking of asking my bridesmaids if they want to get wraps.

    Whatever happens, good luck!

    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    How about having her wear a shawl that goes with the dress. I don't agree with everyone that you should have to change what you want. Every bride has their personal preferences on how they want the bridesmaids to look, some want uniform and some don't care.


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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this. When picking dresses for the bridesmaids it is super uncommon that all the bridesmaids will love the dress. Someone will have to wear the dress they believe is ugly.
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    This was going to be my suggestion too! A shawl or some type of cardigan may not be a terrible compromise. Or you could talk to the alterations department and see if there's some other type of sleeve they can put on it.

    • Reply
  • J
    January 1895
    Jessa ·
    • Flag

    Maybe its not even the style of the dress that's bothering her but that its satin. That can be a very difficult fabric to wear (all those lumps and bumps). Or maybe its the spaghetti straps, that can be hard for people with big boobs or wide shoulders. Your feelings were hurt by her negative reaction, but maybe her feelings were hurt as well. Especially, if the original plan was for everyone to pick their own. Was she involved in any way in picking out the dress? Try to remember any other time in your life when you would pick out clothes for someone else to wear? Has your mom ever bought you something she thought you would love but you actually don't and would never wear it? Have you ever looked at a dress in a catalog or on a hanger and loved it, then put it on and immediately thought "no way"? Clothes are fraught with emotional landmines. That is why the joke of the ugly bridesmaid dresses ever came into our culture. Because the dress didn't look good on at least one person most of the time.


    Also, I have never met anyone who wore a bridesmaids dress another time. Unless, they weren't really a bridesmaid dress to begin with. I think that's a fiction we tell ourselves to make it seem okay that we are buying a dress for onetime use. In my opinion, we would all be better off realizing that we are buying a special wear once dress. I always donate to groups that collect clothing for women. Either for proms or other weddings.


    In the end, if this is the only dress that will do. You can ask your friend if she will wear it because it is your wedding and you really want her to. Then its up to her to decide what to do next.

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