Thank Yous

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Ha ha ha, I know. I just wanted to get them done as it such a good feeling to pop them into the mailbox! I would suggest just to chunk away at it in smaller bites. If someone mails you gift ahead of time, mail one ASAP and WRITE IT DOWN on a spreadsheet or something. You think you will remember, but you won't, lol. You seem like a level headed person, please don't let the one person who might suggest "Yeah, they ARE a waste of time!" sway you into not doing them. I am a really chill person, and probably older than most people here (56) and I remember those of my kid's friends who did not send a thank you note when I gave them a high school graduation gift, years later. I don't EVER mention it and I have let it go, lol, but yes, people remember. Best wishes.

View Quoted Comment Also, to further add… You really hit it on the head when you said “it’s not a heartfelt letter, typically they are just generic uniform cards that are typically short and straight to the point.” While we will try to personalize them as much as possible, you are absolutely 100% right! And I agree with you, my thank yous go right in the trash too. I appreciate them, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve always understood that the couple is always going way more out of their way then I’m going out of mine any wedding that I’ve ever attended. I don’t know that’s just my personal belief on it. And yes They are often times very generic. If I were to get a birthday card from a friend, that’s completely different. I’m not gonna throw them in the trash, but I just feel like people sometimes take etiquette to a point where they think they’re kings and queens and I wish people would realize more that their thank you cards don’t really mean a heck of a lot to their guests as much as they do to them. I think that might be the general consensus maybe I’m wrong, but who knows

I rarely get offended by things, but I am firmly in the "insulted" camp when I don't get a thank you card.

My love language is giving gifts. A lot of time and thoughtfulness goes into anything I give, even if it's a registry item - I don't just pick whatever fits my budget, I consider every option carefully. And I absolutely expect the same thoughtfulness to be returned in the thank you card.

I usually spend a minimum of several days deliberating over what to get someone, even if they have a registry. If they can't take ten minutes to dignify me with a thank you card, then they didn't deserve the gift in the first place, and I will definitely remember that.

View Quoted Comment Lol and this is exactly why my husband and I did not do a registry and we said we did not want any gifts. Because if my thank you card isn’t good enough for someone I don’t want to be mentally branded in their heads as forever ungrateful.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think you need to send thank yous to people who came, unless they gave a gift. Especially if they gate crashed!

View Quoted Comment Also to add, I have never given a gift to someone with the underlying demand that they must be grateful for it and they must acknowledge. If I give a gift to someone it’s because I truly want to give them a gift and I don’t expect anything in return. I actually think it’s pretty inappropriate to give a gift to someone simply because you’re looking for that personal affirmation and being praised. That mindset to me really just devalues the whole point of giftgiving

View Quoted Comment I hear you, but we never asked for gifts. We didn’t do a registry, we were just glad that people attended. I actually disagree with only giving thank you cards to people that gave gifts. I think it people went out of their way to attend my wedding, then regardless of what they gave or if they didn’t give anything at all they should still get a thank you card. I don’t however want to give thank you cards to the few that demanded invites, or the few that just randomly showed up. But I’m still going to suck it up and just send it to them anyway

View Quoted Comment I had no idea people sent thank yous for attending - I am seeing it backwards I guess, that since I am hosting them at the event, that would serve as a thank you.
My grandmother - born in 1920, so definitely an older generation - instilled my thank you card values, and she didn’t know about that aspect.

I totally get what you're saying! We aren't even close to our wedding yet and I'm DREADING thank you cards. Growing up my mom went so crazy about thank you cards for people that I hate doing them now, they always seem like more of a chore than they're worth. Will I do them, sure. Do I really want to? Not at all lol. We've already gotten gifts from 2 of my grandparents and I've been kicking myself because I need to order our custom made thank you's so I can send out those two!

I do think the biggest hassle is that you are fully aware you're only doing it for formalities as you're writing them. I have no problem writing a sincere note, but after 50 or 100 "Thanks for the gift of .... We'll be sure to use it when we ... We're so glad you could celebrate our day with us..." it all gets so old.

View Quoted Comment Couldn’t. Agree. More. with this

View Quoted Comment I absolutely get this! 100%! I also think that this is just a personal thing of mine and not necessarily “etiquette standards”. But there are people that I know went out of their way to Attend and got rooms and couldn’t gift. There were even some people that we told specifically we weren’t doing gifts and to just come as you are(Not saying that we know everyone’s financial situation, but there were many people that fell on tough times because of Covid. A lot of servers and bartenders who weren’t eligible to collect because they were still working but working at a much limited capacity.) We’re not guessing that those were things throughout the pandemic that we’ve heard from friends. I think in 2021, there’s so much more that gets factored in now with etiquette that I feel like there can’t even really be a standard anymore other than to make sure that you think the guests. Because like to me personally, it almost makes me think that well if I don’t send a thank you because I didn’t get a gift, then how much emphasis in a thank you card are we now putting for the person that only gave $25 versus the person that gave 1K. You know it’s like I know the person that gave $25 care just as much about my wedding day is the person that gave 1K. I know the person that couldn’t afford to give anything cares just as much for my wedding day is the person that gave 1K. I’m grateful as a whole that everyone was able to attend so that’s why I get sort of baffled by the whole gift etiquette standard with thank yous, if that makes sense

View Quoted Comment I know! Thank you so much for understanding what I’m saying!! And maybe you’re right, maybe it does stem from those elementary school birthday parties where I was forced to sit down and write out every single card lol. But either way, thank you for understanding that I’m not just going to blow it off lol I also wanted to wait until I got some of the photos back from the wedding so we could send out nice thank you cards with the wedding picture, but from what everyone is saying I have to send them out like yesterday so I won’t be able to even do that. I feel like the cards will now be even more generic because it won’t even be our wedding photo

View Quoted Comment I understand, and it’s complicated right now. I think maybe you are adding a heavier burden to yourself than you need - people really don’t expect a thank you card for attending a wedding.
Maybe instead of handwriting them, can you have a photo card made up with “thank you so much for sharing our day!” so that you meet your desire to send cards to all guests, but don’t have to write them all?
I would resent hand writing cards to people thanking them for gate crashing my wedding LOL

View Quoted Comment LOL!!!! Oh I know I’m so tempted to do the last part lol, but it is what it is. And actually balanced out for the most part because I had 5 people pull no-shows. Two couples and one single. Although I think one of the couples is going through a divorce right now so it is what it is, but the Rando’s that showed up actually balanced out with the no-shows. There were two extras left over from that count so we told our videographers To help themselves with the open bar at the end of the night because they were just so amazing the entire day. They literally made my wedding day. Like without them I don’t think my husband and I would’ve enjoyed our wedding day at all. 😂 obviously with the exception of seeing everyone we knew, but the thing was that we barely got to spend time with people like at all. And I always said I wasn’t going to be that person and I wasn’t going to be that bride, but it’s just inevitable. You’re being pulled in a bunch of different directions and there’s just no way there’s just not enough time to hang out... this Convo is making me want to write a new post lol brb....

View Quoted Comment Alright, I need details on the people who weren't invited and just showed up lol I've been waiting for you to post after your wedding with this topic 😂
My wedding is this weekend and this is a huge fear knowing our families. Hopefully your DOC handled it, but how did you seat the extras? At what point did you know there were extras - before or after the ceremony?

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I'm a graphic designer and it's important to me that everything has a cohesive look and feel so I'm making everything I can for our wedding, cards included. I also just hate the idea of sending generic cards because I feel like that shows I care even less (though I'm sure that's just my own thinking and not what the recipients would think.)

It's crazy how much goes into a wedding with time and planning, and you put all of that time in for months and months, but if you can't get your thank you cards out before the ink fully dries on your marriage certificate you're rude for waiting too long.

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I am worried about that too..that I won't have enough time for everyone. I figure we will pull a "divide and conquer" for a bit so everyone can at least talk to ONE of us. But I am also going to eat and get off my feet if I need to, I don't want to be hobbling around on sore feet LOL

We are both extremely introverted and this is well known about us, so I think that no one will expect in depth conversations with us and will be ok with quick greets. If not..well, they can write me a letter telling me how disappointed they are in me ROFL

I am with you…I actually don’t like them BECAUSE I know people feel obligated to send them. I have been considering instead calling each guest personally to thank them instead because that’s what I would prefer. But no decisions made yet. Just thoughts :-)

I would definitely not send people that showed up uninvited a thank you 😅 I feel like that just reinforces their bad behavior. It's nice that you'll send everyone a thank you, but I'm only doing if for people who send gifts and cards. The expensive reception I host is thank you for coming to my wedding.

View Quoted Comment 😂... OK, so then i’m sure you remember my previous post where I absolutely called this 😆! we didn’t realize until we started going around during cocktail hour at the reception thanking people. And then the second time we realized was after dinner when we went around to finish up thanking and socializing. We did get super lucky because we had ‘I believe’ 5 no-shows so it definitely balanced out as far as seating and meals. but it didn’t really matter because we did order extra chairs anyway just in case at both the ceremony as well as for the tables. The catering company also includes a buffer in the price in case a guest ordered the chicken but they wanted the steak type of thing so we didn’t have any issues as far as food or drinks or chairs. we also got lucky because of Covid and we did not pack any of our tables full and limited seating 27 to 8 ppl TOPS per ten person table so there was still room at their tables . But basically 2 brought a date they said they weren’t and an extra family member. We are still trying to determine if there was anyone else that didn’t show up or that was there that we didn’t know of, but the day was so scrambled and we were just so pulled in every which way that. And as I’m writing this… I am now remembering that we actually had 6 no-shows instead of 5 😂. Like just to give you an idea of how much little interaction we got to have with our guests.