Dj Tanner
June 2021

Thank Yous

Dj Tanner, on June 9, 2021 at 11:18 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 62
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I understand that thank you cards are a mandatory thing, but do they really have to be? I feel like anytime I’ve gotten a thank you card in the mail I was always like oh yeah OK and barely read it. I know I have to do it, but it’s just another thing and I’m so over this wedding. I just want to plan my honeymoon accordingly and start my life. But I know I have to do the thank yous. Ughh.... Anyone else just wish they could skip out on sending thank you cards? That probably sounds really awful and don’t get me wrong I am super super grateful for all of my people that attended and the gifts and cards, but it’s just another added stress that I feel like majority of the people don’t even care about

62 Comments

Latest activity by Jessi, on June 14, 2021 at 2:09 PM
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I may be the minority, but I always read the card and save it for a bit until I do like a big clean and clear out cards from the space on top of the bookshelf where we keep them. My husband did a few at a time, and it took like 4 days to do it (we had 115 guests, but it's less when you send 1 per couple/ family).
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  • JM Sunshine
    JM Sunshine ·
    • Flag
    People took time out of their lives to celebrate you (I'm sure many incurred the cost of hotel/airfare/gas on top of it) and gave you a gift. The least one can do is acknowledge it. Most of all, people want to know you received the gift (and that it didn't get lost, stolen, etc.).
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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I always read them and it makes me happy to see I touched their lives in some way.
    It’s just one of those things I appreciate when people do, I’m not going to despise them if they don’t of course. And if it’s not a check that I can see cashed, I always follow up if I haven’t heard from them to make sure it was received.
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  • themost
    Dedicated October 2021
    themost ·
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    Personally, I feel insulted when I don't get a thank you card. Gift giving certainly isn't mandatory and I don't give gifts just to get a "thank you" in appreciation but I I think it's incredibly rude and lazy. I really don't think anyone actually*likes* to write thank you cards but it comes off as very ungrateful IMO.
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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    I love writing them LOL
    It was always a family activity with my kids after holidays. One of their gifts would be a box of thank you cards, stamps and a pen and we would sit at the table and write them out together. It was a great chance to teach them how to structure a letter, etc.
    We still do it even though they are adults. We all love paper too and have lots of stationary so maybe we’re just odd.
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  • Lunajay
    Super December 2022
    Lunajay ·
    • Flag

    I understand, I do appreciate everyone who is taking time out of their life but I'm glad I don't have a big guest count too. I'm going to write a thank you to everyone who attended or gave a gift and personalize it but coming up with saying to say was never my skill so this is one task I might pass to FH lol

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  • themost
    Dedicated October 2021
    themost ·
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    Oh man...I hate it so much! And I have terrible cursive because I'm really impatient and skip letters when I'm writing. 😆 So it takes me forever because I have to write so slowly and intentionally.


    I don't mind writing greeting cards at all though, probably because it's basically the same message over and over. But with the personalization of each thank you card, naming the gift and why we enjoy it etc, it's just such a hassle. But I do it anyway. And I do it for my kids gifts also until they're old enough to do it themselves.
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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Before my kids would write, I would have them draw a picture to use. Even when they were babies I would hold the crayon in their hand and have them push my hand around, and include that with the card with a note like “Emma loves your gift so much she wanted to write herself!”
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  • Colleen
    Savvy June 2021
    Colleen ·
    • Flag
    I hate doing them because I have terrible handwriting combined with being left handed so the ink always smudges and it looks messy so I’m basically just embarrassed by them! I still do them though because a lot of my guests are older and I think expect that sort of thing.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I honestly love getting and sending thank you cards, but that’s probably because my love language is words of affirmation so writing has always been in my nature.
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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Oohhhh that’s probably why I like doing them! I didn’t connect it!
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I agree, as annoying as it might be. And most guests probably barely reading it. It still comes off as ungrateful. People take the time out of their day and money to celebrate with you for your shower and wedding, the least you can do is send a thank you card. But I definitely agree I'm not looking forward to doing thank you cards either.
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  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
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    I agree, I didn't go to a wedding because I didn't get a thank you card from a bridal shower when I gave a nice gift. Did not receive a thank you until at least 6 months after they were married.

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  • SHY
    Master January 2022
    SHY ·
    • Flag

    I actually love writing thank you cards lol, and I love receiving them!

    For me they're 100% necessary, because your friends and family are spending time and money to celebrate you and your spouse, so like Katie said, the least that can be done is writing and sending a card. It may be tedious work, but I also agree with themost when they say it comes off as ungrateful. Unless the couple personally thanks me in person, I feel insulted when they don't send a thank you card, and I'm sentimental and like to save it for a little while!

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  • Lisa
    Super October 2021
    Lisa ·
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    I agree with this 100%. There have been a few instances where I was shocked that we didn’t receive a thank you card. And one time it took over a year to receive one. It’s not hard. Just do it.
    • Reply
  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Lol as I’ve said of course I’m going to do it. I wish I loved sending thank you cards as much is everyone else, but sorry it’s just another hassle for me. I’ve already individually thanked almost everyone. People who weren’t even invited showed up. Lol now I have to track them down and get their address to thank them. I’m sorry if this all sounds ungrateful, and I am super grateful for people taking the time out to attend my wedding. Yes even the ones that demanded an invite or just randomly showed up. Just expressing how much I think that it is really the last thing I feel like doing right now. Especially when it’s something that I know it’s just going to go right in the trash.
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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
    • Flag

    Yes they are mandatory. Like others have said, people took time from their lives, maybe juggled things around, bought you a gift.....people can sit and write a note. It does not have to be a novel, but a simple acknowledgment. We sat down, did them in two evenings and guests rec'd them a week later.

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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    I totally get what you’re saying! You’re not saying that you WON’T do them, or that you don’t understand the social expectations of them.. just that they are yet ANOTHER obligation surrounding weddings (and, well, a pain in the butt haha!) I think weddings take SO much planning and a lot of people have considerable amount of stress surrounding etiquette, traditions, social expectations, etc. that having to adhere to yet another one after the event is finally over is annoying and taxing. Especially if you have a large guest list. And especially when a lot of people really don’t even care/read them (I agree, I really don’t pay attention to them either- they basically go straight to the trash), because they aren’t beautiful heartfelt letters that are sent simply out of caring, they are typically short, generic thank yous sent mainly out of obligation. It makes it feel as though they are more part of a “social etiquette checklist”.. guests receive them in the mail, and make the mental “check mark” that social etiquette was followed.. then promptly throw them away and never think of them again. But, like you said, it is a necessary part of receiving a wedding gift in order to make your guests feel appreciated… no matter how tedious the process. Just bang them out and place them in the mail as quickly as possible then you never have to think of them again!
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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I agree with you. And I wish I had the same enthusiasm as you about them. I really do.
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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    LOL THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahha sometimes I wonder if it’s me and the way I write things. I’m simply just saying that I’m exhausted with this whole wedding thing and I’m at the point where enough is enough. Not to mention, half the time I read posts on here about people not RSVPing and XYZ. If people aren’t even excited to get an invitation in the mail in 2021, I feel like half of them aren’t even going to care about the thank you‘s. And again, yes they obviously understand that it is something we have to do and it would be rude not to lol I guess people just want me to love to do something that I just honestly don’t. Not to mention, I’ve already individually think pretty much everyone. But yes regardless, we are obviously still doing thank yous. Thank you for understanding what I was saying
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