Thank you's for the no shows?

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma.

If they attended and/or gave a gift, they get a thank you. Otherwise, what are you thanking them for? I can imagine the process of writing such a card... "Thank you for [the wonderful gift] Nope.... um.... thank you for [coming to celebrate...] NOPE.... " Yea, they're so wrong to expect that!

I like Celia's idea as well and here is what I would write:

Dear So and So:

Just wanted to send you the thank you you were expecting. Thank you for the RSVP indicating that you were going to come but most of all thank you for NOT showing up and costing me $XX.00 for your plate of food that could not be eaten.

All Our Love Always,

Mr. & Mrs. **Tiffany**

I'm also not sending a thank you to my uninvited guest (luckily only had 1), especially since they didn't bring a card or gift, either.

There would be nothing to thank them for then. If it were me I would be thinking after that comment that maybe they sent a gift and I either didn't record it or it was lost in the mail. I would follow up with her and say, "I was confused when you asked for a thank you card, if you sent a gift I have not received it."

@Snarky, that's actually a really good thought!

Maybe this is just me, but I would not see favours as a sufficient thank you. I think that is what they're for, but they really lack the personal touch... ie, the handwritten note.

You only send thank you to people who gave a gift...even if they didn't attend. If they didn't attend OR give/send a gift? Eff off.

We had 2 no shows (somewhat expected) and 2 crashers...the crashers gave a cash gift but we can't get an address to SEND their thank you!

I am so sorry about your Grandma...

@Miss to Mrs I agree I am only sending thank you notes to those who have given gifts...the favors are the "thank you for coming and celebrating with us" and my FH and I will say a formal thank you at our wedding.

"Dear so and so,

Thanks for coming to our wedding.

Bride and Groom"

I know some ppl are doing this, I just have decided not to.

I agree with Celia. If they want a thank you note so bad, send them the bill. I'm sorry about your grandmom. How inconsiderate to bring that up during such a painful time!

Maybe they sent something and it was lost in the mail? O.o

Sorry for the loss of your grandma AND for your seriously deranged family members.

We are sending thank-you's to all who attended, gift or not, and to those who did not attend but sent a gift/card. I had one who RSVP'd yes, bailed but sent a gift. I considered that one a wash. We had one who flaked and then posted about forgetting his pet bird's bday. I replied with "weird...you forgot our wedding too."

No gift from that guy = no thank you.

Or maybe "thanks for wasting our time, energy & money on your no-show performance. Seriously, we appreciated your complete lack of effort.

Hope you enjoy your $15 Starbucks gift card Christmas present this year; we deducted the cost of your seat from your gift. Much love, us"

For real? Some people are cray. It wouldn't have occurred to me to send a Thank You card. What are you suppose to say, "Thank you for not attending my wedding and thank you for not giving us a gift. We really appreciate the lack of effort and are putting the nothing you gave us, to good use."

I would have absolutely no idea what to thank someone for if they didn't attend and didn't send a gift. What in the world are these people thinking? That is just bizarre.

And Stephanie is correct. Thank you notes are for gifts or for people who specifically helped out in some way. You thank people for their attendance in person at the wedding (table visits or receiving line) and with the reception you are throwing for them.

I will be sending thank you's to those who attended - regardless of bringing a gift or not and that is it! If I have any no show's you can be sure I won't be sending them anything!

Thanks for wasting my money bitch.

One line hand written on pretty card stock.

I'm sorry about your grandma, and to lose someone in the middle of planning is so, so tough. Snarky does bring up a good point; maybe they sent a gift and it got lost. It probably is a good idea to tactfully let them know.

If the answer is "no", the frack them.

Sorry about your loss.

We sent thank you's to the people who gave gifts (whether they went to the wedding or didn't show but sent it in the mail). We definitely didn't send a thank you to the people who didn't go to the wedding and didn't give a gift (that's absurd). I never thought about the people that came to the wedding but didn't give a gift. But here's the deal, it was $50 per plate, if you came to the wedding (which means we paid $50 for you and $50 for your date), then sorry, no thank you needed, that was a free meal and open bar for you and your guest. That's enough of a thank you.

Wow, very inappropriate. I will only consider sending out a thank you card if the guest was not able to attend but still sent or gave a gift of any shape or form. Not attending and not sending anything sorry but you don't get a thank you card.

Oh... i think i would have replied... Thank you for not showing and costing me money, hows that for your thank you. Or say thank you? Thank you for what? Did you come to my wedding? Did you send me a gift? Please tell me what i am thanking you for? Enlighten me...

edited to agree with few above, ask her if she sent a gift and you had not received it yet...

This post is crazy and I agree with checking in some way to see if you were supposed to have received a gift -- maybe check your registry or ask a relative?

I was worried when so many of you said you were sending thank-yous to people who attended and didn't send a gift. I had to double-check on my plan and line of reasoning! According to this article, it's not a great idea to send a thank-you to people who attended but didn't have to travel (unless, of course, they assisted you in some way related to the wedding):

For your local guests who attended but haven't yet sent you a gift, the "thank you for attending" note is a bit of overkill and, again, could seem more like a fishing line for a gift than an actual note of gratitude. -- Xochitl Gonzalez, etiquette expert, wedding planner and HuffPost Weddings blogger

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/18/wedding-thank-yous_n_4298297.html