Thank You Card Question

Since thank-you notes should be in the mail no later than three weeks after the wedding (and two would be better), you don't have time to wait for a picture. Anyway, the picture is about you; the thank-you note is about the generosity of your guest.

Thank-you notes are handwritten and snail mailed. They express specific and detailed appreciation of the gift (perhaps if the gift is money describing delighted plans for its use). They are at least three sentences long and four is better. They also mention how lovely it was to have the gift-giver at the wedding. And refer to the spouse's appreciation, as well as that of the writer.

The whole thing takes about six minutes, which is minor compared to the effort and expense guests went to to attend your wedding and give you a present they hoped you would like. (Do not send a thank-you note unless a gift has been given or an unpaid service rendered.)

Yes, it's a formula for you to personalize. Yes, it's required. As Miss Manners said, when gratitude has gone out of style, generosity has gone out of style.

View Quoted Comment

Well we are already 3 weeks out tomorrow, so I guess we are just going to wait it out another week for the pictures! I had my bridal shower & early wedding gifts & bachelorette thank you notes out the following week, so maybe I'll be forgiven for late wedding thank you notes. I've been to a little over 10 weddings, several didn't send thank you notes at all but none got thank you notes out before 1 month later. I actually love receiving ones with pictures of the couple, we usually keep them on the fridge for a few months. We will be handwriting the "thank you note" part though, I agree it's more personal and specific.

The pre-printed thank you is tacky AF. You can't even take 90 seconds to write something like "Thank you so much for attending our wedding and the generous gift, it was wonderful to see you and be surrounded by friends and family! We love the toaster and can't wait to use it in our new place!"

Good lord, people are lazy.

I am 54, a veteran of two weddings plus I have attended countless since the mid 70's as a kid (lots of cousins!) and more through the 80's 90's and beyond. I am the most chill person - cash bar? No problem. You ran out of food and we have to wait for more? Sure. But I get frosty if I don't receive a handwritten note. It takes so little time in the scheme of things. "Thank you for the gift of _________, it was so generous of you. Thank you for taking the time to attend our wedding." Not that hard, folks.

View Quoted Comment

I didn't think it was tacky as much as they didn't even write "thanks for flying 4 hours to come to our expensive NY wedding and bringing a gift" I guess? I loved the pictures though, and thought it was super cute. I found a nice option on Zazzle that allows pictures with a generic "thank you from mr. and mrs." on the front then the entire back is just lines for a personalized thank you!

View Quoted Comment

Well we had an open bar and didn't run out of food, you would have LOVED our wedding

But yes, we are going to personalize our thank you cards on the back! The pictures and generic line of "thank you from mr and mrs" will be on the front then the back will be handwritten, I found some nice options on Zazzle.

View Quoted Comment

You are right!!! I probably would have loved your wedding!!!! I am sure it was beautiful!!!

You actually have 3 months to send out thank you cards after the wedding. There are very few things I will call tacky - sending generic pre-printed thank you cards is tacky. There really is no excuse for not handwriting a quick sentence and acknowledging the specific gift you received. If both you and your partner sit down and do a few a day you can get this done in no time. Everyone's busy, so not taking a few minutes a day to show gratitude towards your guests taking time out of their busy day to buy you a gift and send it to you or attend your wedding with said gift is rude. Treating your guests well goes beyond the wedding; you should close it out with a proper thank you card for giving you a gift.

We hand wrote each thank you card and thanked them for their specific gift. Though if it was cash/check we ended up writing something like "thank you for the generous gift, we plan to use it for xyz" so inguess in that sense it might have been a little less personal.

View Quoted Comment

I try to avoid "tacky" because I think it's kind of hurtful to brides! I didn't think the pre-printed was tacky, I was just more bummed. But for sure better than not sending any at all. We've decided to do the pre printed front with a picture & "thank you from mr and mrs" then hand write on the back. Zazzle has some great options for that!

View Quoted Comment

We plan on doing that too!

View Quoted Comment

Like I said, there are very things I will call tacky, but sending a pre-printed generic card with no handwritten specific message to the recipient is tacky. Etiquette exists for a reason, and I can overlook most etiquette faux pas, this is one that I cannot. It is rude and shows a lack of gratitude on the part of the couple. Sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade even if it hurts a person's feelings. Better hearing it from strangers who will tell you what they really think than having your loved ones talk about it behind your back.

View Quoted Comment

I didn't plan on sending pre printed ones regardless, I was just wondering other brides opinions since we received ones. Thanks!

I got a generic, typed thank-you card for my SIL's baby shower and I was not impressed. It's not that hard to be personal.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with everything written (although, I can be more flexible about the timing, a month or two can be reasonable to me), I especially like:

"Yes, it's a formula for you to personalize. Yes, it's required. As Miss Manners said, when gratitude has gone out of style, generosity has gone out of style." That last line is SO true! Everyday, brides/couples post on this forum asking for advice on how to "make sure they only get cash" and/or maximize the value of the wedding gifts they receive. Honestly, I think one of the best, and possibly most subtle, options to increase the likelihood of others' generosity is to cultivate a reputation as a person with good manners. If I know, because I routinely receive a gracious thank you note from you, that you will appreciate any gift I give you, I am MUCH more motivated to be generous in my giving. We have nieces and nephews who send a timely, handwritten thank you note for every birthday/graduation/first communion check we send AND we have a few who NEVER make any attempt to thank us.... Guess which ones I spend more time, money, and energy on giving gifts to? There is NO potential downside of being a person with a reputation for good manners. It's really the Golden Rule: if you want people to treat you a certain way, it will likely help if they see you as a person with good manners. Like everything else, it's a choice. No one has to follow etiquette guidelines, but there can be consequences of not doing so.

We are doing a pre-printed saying. I wanted to include photos from our wedding and I am having them printed through Walmart. I had to keep them as affordable as possible because my husband unfortunately lost his job the day we got back from our honeymoon.

View Quoted Comment

I'm glad I'm not alone in how I felt!

View Quoted Comment

Oh yeah, I agree! I hand write thank you cards for everything, it wasn't an option not to write ours. I was just wondering thoughts from other brides since we received that one and it was the first pre-printed ones we have ever received. Thank you cards are easy at this point with the shower, early wedding gifts, and bachelorette party haha! We didn't have a cash registry and we had a small gift registry but we did receive a lot of cash & presents...but I plan on sending cards to everyone who attended just because it was very nice they did!

View Quoted Comment

I understand and I really appreciate that you just raised the question, but are fully committed to handwritten, personal thank-yous. I hope you don't feel like you got caught in the middle of a somewhat heated-discussion when you actually are in full agreement with those of us who are being more vocal.

I think in general there are a fair number of posts on this forum from people who seem to think others should act generously and with good manners toward them (e.g., give them the gifts they want, RSVP in a timely -- even early -- manner, etc.), but don't always seem to recognize that it goes both ways. (Not you! )

I'm likely the age of most posters' aunts or younger grandmothers, so I'm probably considered "old fashioned," but I'm also in the age-group that likely gives among the more generous gifts. From my contemporaries, daughter and SIL received several cash wedding gifts in the $500-1000 range. From a purely practical perspective, those might be the types of guests couples want to be mindful of their perceptions of etiquette. It's probably not a good idea to dismiss us as out-of-touch because we value etiquette. (Again, not you....)

View Quoted Comment

Yeah! I just hadn't seen this type of thank you card before, so I was curious. As a guest, I really like the ones with pictures of the couple from the wedding, but also a handwritten note. So that's what we plan to do!

I don't feel like that at all! I was just clarifying I appreciate thank you cards too!