Telling someone they're not a Bridesmaid?

People should never assume they will be in your wedding.

No, you're not wrong. It's wrong of her to assume anything.

I had a similar situation with 2 close friends who are in the same group as 2 girls I asked to be BMs. Yes they're close friends, but I asked my BEST friends. The other girls were really worried that I tell them somehow, but I said the same thing you did. I think one of my BMs just said something casually about looking for her BM dress, and the other girl was like, "Oh did she ask you, who's in it?" and then she told her, and then there was no drama. At least none that I knew about.

You are not wrong. She should of not assumed she was in the wedding!

No you did nothing wrong. Unless you are asked you aren't a BM, it's really pretty simple.

No you are fine! I have a friend that probably assumed that she was in my wedding but is not, and we had lunch shortly after i decided on my girls. I brought up the asking BM thing and talked about how someone else was upset about not being asked, and then threw in "and i hope you aren't offended that you're not in the wedding it was just hard to decide and...." and before i could even finish she said "oh my gosh no, i definitely don't take it personally and it is just fine so dont worry!" So there is one way to bring it up and hopefully you'll get the same response?

Honestly I think it would be more weird to walk up to someone and say: "Hey, just an FYI you're not in my wedding, k? Thanks!"

Ok, maybe not that way but you know what I mean. One of FH's best friends and groomsman just got engaged and he immediately asked FH to be a groomsman, I'm sure I won't be asked to be in it since I'm not close to the bride, and I'm completely ok with that! I think people shouldn't assume anything, they're just building themselves up.

Your defiantly not wrong, you chose who you were closest too, if you don't know her "that well" then she shouldn't have assumed she was in the wedding. I think she got herself upset cause obviously if you weren't asked, you aren't in.. I don't think you need to tell someone they aren't a BM unless they ask.

You're not in the wrong. I had an almost identical situation to Maggie's and my friend reacted the same way.

I don't think your wrong but wanted to share this with you, I got it in my e-mail today...It's a list of 9 things your bridesmaids want you to know..#2 kinda goes with what your dealing with.

2. They Want You to Tell Everyone About Them

The only thing worse than a coworker who thinks she's invited to your wedding is a friend who assumes she's going to be a bridesmaid. Let it be known whom you've chosen so that neither you nor your bridesmaids feel awkward about it around nonbridal party members. If you're afraid of hurting someone's feelings, remember that, as cliche as it sounds, any true friend will understand whatever decision you ultimately make.

Thanks Ladies. I felt the same way, but I feel like I'm going to get lot's of drama for this and I hate being the source/cause of conflict! It makes me feel awful!

@lov3ualways: I saw the same thing today haha. I've ben thinking about this for a few days, but that email spurred me to ask the question. I do have all the girls listed on my website and if people ask, I tell them who they are, but other than that, I don't knwo how to make them "known."

I can see her causing drama about this or talking crap about it to other people which really bothers me. I really feel like I shouldn't have to deal with this!

Well if she does cause crap or talk to other people about it and they or her confront you , I would say and that my dear is exactly why I didn't choose you to be a BM..LOL

Agreed, you don't need to tell her..After it gets to a certain time frame before the wedding (like two months) it should be understood that if you weren't asked, you are not in the wedding.

I agree - you did it the way you are supposed to. Just don't say anything at all. No one should ever assume they are in the wedding, although there seems to always be someone who does and it's never good. When one of my BM's got married, she was planning on 4 girls, but she ended up with 5 because another one our friends said something to her about having to work on looking good in her dress (even though BM never asked her to be in her wedding...) So she kind of invited herself into the wedding party because my BM didn't have the heart to tell her no.

I did have a friend tell me I was not a BM, but that was more of a "he only wants 3 and I have two sisters and a BFF and as much as I love you, there isn't any room for additional people, will this hurt your feelings?" kind of thing. And no. It didn't hurt my feelings. I totally understood.

You did nothing wrong!!!!!

It sounds like you did exactly the right thing in your situation. A friend of mine was in the same situation, but made the decision to tell the other girls who she wasn't asking. I have a group of 6 girlfriends (including myself) who have been incredibly close since HS. When my MOH was married she asked the 5 of us to stand with her (she had a party of 10). I have my 5 friends (plus 2 sisters). My friend in a similar situation has a sister, friends from college, friends from Med School, her FH's 2 sisters, plus all of us... it was just too much. She asked myself and my MOH to stand with her, and we are the only friends she asked. I'm glad she spoke with the other girls because we're all involved with helping everyone plan that it could have become awkward. As much as people shouldn't expect it... sometimes it's hard not to.

I think you did the right thing... and if you haven't seen or spoken with her in months... and your wedding is 2 months away... what did she expect?

No, I do not think you are wrong. I think it is crazy that someone would assume they are in your wedding when you didn't ask them!

I think you are right and she's kinda crazy.

People shouldn't assume. I asked one of my cousins to be my MOH, instead of who I consider to be my best girl friend.. But my cousin has been one of the people who has been there for me most-- for my ENTIRE life, not just since college. My BFF would never EXPECT to be my MOH, and I think she'll be happy whether she's standing on my side or just sitting and watching the wedding.

You're fine. If anything I think it would be rude TO tell her she's not a BM, unless she outright invited herself.

I kinda had that happen. My FSIL automatically assumed she was a BM - only meeting her once before, but I could already tell she's a very bouncy person. Fun but annoying bouncy lol. Anyway so i kinda assumed she would self-invite as a BM, & then she does. Out of blue, " oh so I have this perfect dress to be your BM" Well since I figured she'd do that, I had no problem saying yeah I love it, I'm happy you're BM. However if I hadnt wanted her in, that's when it is ok to say "sorry you're not a BM".

Alina - I know how you are feeling! I am NOT close with FH sister in fact we only been around each other twice in the four years we have been together (I started a rant on this) and she whined that she wasn't in my B.P. I'm sorry I do not have a relationship with you and all the girls in my wedding know each other and have a strong relationship with me. Its your choice if your not that close with her and NOT asking would be a sign you dont want her in your party. Don't worry about it just enjoy your day and time planning!