Telling groom how to look on wedding day- right or wrong?

Does he get to choose your dress and how you wear your hair? Seems a little controlling to me. It’s just as much his wedding as it is yours and he deserves to feel his very best without his soon to be wife dictating what he wears or does with his facial hair.

Idk, we decided on some things together such as colors, style & theme. However he’s not seeing nor helping me pick out my dress and I am neither seeing or picking out his suit. But I feel it’s something you should be in agreement on, whether you decide to choose together or solo.

Just as you would choose your hair and makeup in a style that would make you feel your best, you should give your husband-to-be that option as well. If he feels his best when he’s clean-shaven, you should let him.


I let my husband and his groomsmen choose whether to shave or not. My husband chose to shave and half of his guys didn’t shave.
I’m in the camp of letting people feel their best (with their attire, makeup, hair, etc) as long as it’s not offensive to anyone.

Since most of the time bride’s didn’t show their dress before the “first look”, you can talk and agree on a color theme or style.

I picked out my tuxes for my husband, the groomsmen, the bride's man, the usher, ring bearer, and my dad. My husband asked me to go with him to Men's Warehouse to decide on outfits for everyone. Before we went there, we both agreed we wanted them to wear black. Once we got there, we met with the consultant and she asked if he wanted a suit or tux, but he just looked at me so I said tux. The consultant proceeded to show me all of the tuxes that came in black. I asked my husband which one he liked best and his response was "any of them are fine which one do you like best because you're the one that has to look at me all day?" so I picked the option I liked best. My husband only had an opinion on the tux my dad wore. He didn't want him in a black tux so my dad wore a dark grey tux. My dad doesn't own dress clothes so he asked me to decide his attire. Also, my husband wanted to go the morning of the wedding with his groomsmen to get his hair cut. I said no because he wanted to go to his favorite barber that is 2 hours from our wedding venue. Just to drive there and back would have been 4 hours. If he wanted to go somewhere closer I wouldn't have had any issue with it. Because your fiance has an opinion on what he wears and how he wants to look then I would let him decide. He didn't tell you what to wear or how to do your hair and makeup so don't decide for him.

View Quoted Comment I get that its just as much his wedding but his side also isnt paying a dime. i dont want to hate the wedding photos bc he picked a ridiculous tux

View Quoted Comment Does he have a unique style? I mean, I still would let him because it’s how he is, but I understand if you want to look more uniformed. Just talk to him but I don’t suggest to tell him what not to wear.

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I am definitely with the crowd who says that each partner getting married should be able to choose their own wedding day look. It's fine to have a discussion about it, but neither party gets to outright decide for the other. Fair's fair.

But wow, if you are viewing your wedding decisions based on whose "side" paid more money, you are going to start your marriage off on the wrong foot! This isn't about keeping score. It's about communication and compromise. And, people's feelings are more important than photos, always.

I know some of my friends told me if they were getting married they’d want their husbands to like their gowns. So I can see your point but honestly I would let your partner do what he’s comfortable with

It's his wedding too! Do you want your fiance telling you what dress to wear, how to do your hair, what your makeup should look like? It's rarely/never appropriate to dictate what someone does to their own body.

You also told him he looks good either way - you did not tell him you hate it when he shaves. The fact that you expressed your preference in more passive terms might have led him to think that you felt less strongly about shaving/not shaving than he did. He might have chosen differently if he knew that you HATED it, but it could also be that he really wanted to shave and he doesn't feel as guilty about it now that you said he looks good either way. Giving your man confidence and freedom of choice on his wedding day is important!

I love a little scruff on a guy but my FH absolutely prefers being clean shaven for special events even though he looks SO SEXY with a few days worth of growth cleaned up around the edges. It's his face and his wedding though, so he'll be clean shaven, and that's 100% okay with me! I want my FH to be happy and feeling his best on the day we get married.

As for the tux, I think if he wants that to be his own thing, that's fine too. If you want to discuss it together, or he wants you to pick for him, that's also fine. But I don't think it's appropriate to just come in and say "this is what I want you to wear" because that signifies you don't value his autonomy and don't respect his opinions about his own clothing. You should agree on some basic elements - like color - at the very least, and then if he doesn't want you to see the tux before the wedding I feel that you should try to respect that. Trust that your day will be magical regardless of exactly what tux he has on or how long his facial hair is.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this! 💯

View Quoted Comment Why does it matter who is paying for what? If he pays more bills than you does he get to choose how you dress? If this post was written by a man about his FW, people would be absolutely enraged. I would seek premarital counseling to get these controlling tendencies taken care of.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for saying this. I thought it was weird to mention who was paying more for the wedding as if it gives that person more deciding factor to it all. I get it when it comes to parents’ contributions— it might come with more strings... but not when it’s between the actual couple.

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As long as he doesn't pick the wrong color accessories, whatever he chooses should be fine. Do you really think he would show up in a "ridiculous tux"? He wants to look good too. Just talk to him about the color scheme, and leave it at that. He's a grown up. I'm sure he wants nice photos too. So don't treat him like a child.

Controlling his look is not ok..because what else is being controlled? He's an adult so he needs to be treated like one.


Effective communication is important. Have a conversation where both sides are free to express views safely, but don't ever make demands.

As long as his in the right colors and accessories let him have this option to do him...

My fiancee pulls it together to look great in my version of good looking, so it's easy for me to be totally flexible. I've never criticized or been controlling of his looks in any way. Actually of anyone I've ever dated for what it's worth. Since we've been dating he's had light facial hair but in years past that wasn't the case. If he wanted to shave for our wedding I'd be fine with it.

Why don't you just tell him you love him with some facial hair? And that you think he'll look super hot in a tux with a light shadow (or whatever it is you prefer)...and leave it at that? If he told you that he LOVED your hair down....it's not telling you what to do....but it is something you'd definitely be thinking about when planning your wedding hairstyle.

By the way if my fiancee was talking about my weight, trying to show me pics of wedding dresses he thought I should wear, telling me how to wear my hair....I'd be pissed. Just let him have his day!

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Do you think this might be the crux of the problem? You are frustrated that you/your side are paying for the entire wedding? No wrong or right answer, but something to consider. In the modern times, the wedding costs are split and the bride and groom pay for the majority of it themselves much of the time.

Let him have his baby face! One day he's gonna shave and look just as old with or without the facial hair.


Attire I feel like is up to the couple. My FH involved me in his choice bc a) he didn't even know where to look for such attire b) the color scheme was the first thing we decided on, and he wanted to make sure he had it. Idk why he's fixated on it but it's the thing he takes the most seriously and it's cute. Also c) I showed him the dress I got (on the model, not me)