Telling friends they aren't a bridesmaid

You don't need to let them know they aren't going to be a bridesmaid. They will figure it out soon enough.

You probably should have waited to ask your bridal party until February of 2018. Relationships change a lot over time.

Just don't discuss the wedding with them. "How is the wedding planning going?" "Good, thanks. Do you want to go do x, y, z, activity together this weekend."

That's it.

Should have waited.

But bonus points for proper use of "sisters in law".

Well, you certainly have plenty of time. While I agree with PP you should wait to pick your BP out, if people ask, tell them you haven't really planned anything yet because you're enjoying your new engagement and change the subject. Tell them you're just starting the boring stage of budgeting and change the subject. You don't have to tell them they aren't a bridesmaid, you just don't ask.

A bit early to decide on wedding party.

Either way, you only have to say anything about it if they ask "have you chosen your wedding party yet?" and then you can just say who they are. No need to explain anything.

If it's a situation where it might damage a friendship, have them be a bridesmaid. What's 6 hours out of your life?

I had a few friends who expected to be asked... it was awkward when they brought it up but I just told them I was sorry if it hurt their feelings, and that I felt bad that I couldn't ask them but my bridal party was already too big as it was.

Just say you kept it to family, which it seems like you did for the most part. Bridesmaids aren't reciprocal things- just because you were in theirs doesn't mean they need to be in yours.

@nancy because she has a right to choose whoever she wants standing next to her? And real friends shouldn't be mad if they aren't chosen? @OP just don't discuss it right now and if they ask just say it's early and you're still planning things.

Ladies- OP hasn't asked them, she just knows who she wants standing by her side. The night I got engaged I knew immediately who I wanted in my bridal. Only one girl has asked or "tagged" me in bridal party related things on Facebook.

It's a tough spot. I don't think you need to tell them. I've been in the position of the friend waiting to see if I get asked. I didn't bring it up, I just waited to see how it played out. Unfortunately I found out I wasn't included when the MOH chose to talk to me for 30+ minutes at the engagement party about all the things the bridal party was already doing... that wasn't the bride's fault though, her MOH just never understood that it wasn't appropriate to talk about things with people who weren't involved. I hold no hard feelings toward the bride for not being in her bridal party.

At the end of the day, your friends are adults. They should be able to understand that this is entirely your decision, and not hold a grudge. As others have said, it's not tit-for-tat. You don't have to reciprocate.

I just wouldn't say anything. They'll eventually realize.

I'm on team tell them. Will it be awkward? Yes. But it will show your friends you respect them and avoid hurt feelings. You are clearly having a small party and it's not personal so explaining that should save you a lot of grief in the long run

Waiting until they realize doesn't solve your problem. Will they figure it out? Yup. Will they have hurt feelings because you didn't choose them and you didn't mention why? Probably

When I initially found out my friend hadn’t picked me I was hurt. I remember thinking “I wish she would’ve said something”. The more I thought about it the more I realized how much worse that would’ve been for both of us. “Hey, so I know we’re good friends, but not quite good enough…”. You can approach it as tactfully as possible and more than likely all your friend is going to hear is “not good enough”. You aren’t trying to hurt anyone and your friends *should* understand that.

Honestly I told them straight up. I think I worked it up that it was going to be worse than they actually felt at the end of the day. They were still invited but I said I was keeping the group small and in some cases I think they were relieved they weren't going to have any duties.

When they ask, just say "We're still working on it, but we plan to keep the party fairly small"

They'll get the hint when you don't ask them

**Hiiii Date twin!!!**

Unless they directly ask, I wouldn't bring it up at all. If they do ask directly first off, they are VERY bold. Second just politely let them know as PPs have mentioned, that you wanted to keep it to family & not go over board! I also *think* i know who will be in my bridal party, planning to have a total of 4, but there is a possible 5th & she has mentioned the wedding & bridal party, but i just kinda skipped over that part of the convo & kept moving. It was awkward but don't let those awkward moments pressure you into just deciding to make them a BM.

I was worried about this too with two of my close friends who I didn't ask (I only asked the three girls in my life who are my absolute best friends). I could *feel* their desire to know if I would pick them whenever we chatted, but they never explicitly asked and I never offered up the info. Now that my MOH is planning the bachelorette, I was able to ask them to that very intimate weekend and I think that helped soothe the wounds for both of them.

Hi date twins, I don't think you should sweat it too much. You pick your BM/MOH based on how you feel. You haven't actually asked them so it should not be a big deal at this point. You decisions may completely change when you are ready to ask them so just be open minded.

You don't. Adults (especially if several of these friends have been in weddings before or gotten married) realize that weddings are expensive and personal. It's natural for feelings to get hurt, but that's part of life.

There's nothing wrong with a small wedding or large one or small BP or large BP. YOU are getting married and footing the bill. YOU will be the one to look at the wedding pictures hanging on the wall every day for the rest of your life. Don't let anyone guilt you into picking or not picking someone for your BP.

That being said, a tactful way to handle things is to just be respectful of feelings by not discussing BP things with people not in the BP. If talking about the wedding with friends, don't discuss BP dresses or makeup or whatever. If someone asks you if they are in the wedding (which is tacky, btw) just say your wedding is far off and those decisions will be made later. If a person is individually hurt by your decision, it's THEIR choice to either get over it or have a honest and candid discussion with you one on one. That's not your responsibility.