Taking it personally when people don't come to your shower/wedding

I'd be annoyed too, but don't let it ruin your friendship if on other occasions she will be there for you. If you normally talk to her by phone, why not call to catch up, and maybe she will give more details about what is going on in her life now. I had a few friends not come to my shower and never heard the reasons why, but then again, the organizers handled the evites and I wasn't on it, so who knows if the no-shows had left a message on the evite. Everyone's got their own personal problems, schedule conflicts, or maybe she just dislikes showers or wants to avoid someone who's coming to your shower? I ended up not going to a co-worker's shower because I was so tired and knew it'd be full of her old friends and relatives that I didn't know. I went to a friend's shower and was glad to leave early because once again, it was mobbed and full of people I didn't know also. It can be awkward to be thrown into a situation like that. Just guessing at the myriad of reasons why your friend can't go.

I used to think the brides on WW were overreacting about friends who don't make the shower or wedding...until it happened to me. It hurts. So I would like to ask the peeps who say it's no big deal if it's happened to them yet...or at all.

I didn't want a shower (it would be absurd at my age) but a very good friend of mine was nonchalant about attending the wedding, then called me back and said "Of course we are coming. It's your WEDDING!" but she ultimately declined. It's difficult not to look back at HER wedding, when she also lived across the country. It was eons ago when we were young and broke, and I took a freaking *train* to get to her wedding. So it hurts.

I understand her reasons but ultimately it's a matter of this: a wedding is the one time a person will knock themselves out for you. Who does--and who doesn't--gets noticed. It's going to hurt.

I'm not throwing away any friendships because of anyone who did or didn't do something that disappointed me but I'm not forgetting it any time soon. It puts into perspective the friendship for me--the value I placed on it is not the value she places on it. That's ok. Now I know. Everyone is clear on this.

@Rachey, that is a bogus freaking reason to not attend a wedding. Like Lego Camp, really? Ugh.

I guess like someone else kind of mentioned, I think it really depends on how close you are. You said you've been friends since high school, but how close have you remained since? Do you guys hang out on a regular basis, share your personal lives with each other all the time, etc.? If you guys are really close, then I can understand how you would be upset, but I wouldn't go as far as not wanting to be friends with her anymore. Based on her reaction though, it doesn't sound like she thinks you guys are super close. Perhaps she didn't think you would even be upset that she wasn't coming and didn't think it was necessary to give much of an explanation? I know some people also don't really enjoy bridal showers. I'm having a small bridal shower myself coming up and there were a few people I almost felt bad inviting because I'm not all that close to them (but they're more of FH's groomsmen's or friends' wives/fiancés) and I know some people just don't enjoy showers, so I didn't want them to feel obligated to get me a gift and come, you know? And of course, the wedding is more important than the shower, so at least she said she's coming to the wedding, right? Just try to enjoy your shower with the people who will be there

Wow some of you guys are so judgmental, it's kind of sad. For you, that is. There is a lot more back story than I can fit in the, what, 1000 characters they give you to make a post? It's as if none of you have ever experienced a point where you "throw in the towel" on a relationship that's been going downhill for a while. Well, this was the final straw. Thanks for your (mostly non-helpful) comments.

I had a couple of close friends that couldn't make it to the shower. It really wasn't a big deal. Try not to take things so personally.

Right, because everyone here is supposed to be mind readers and know the history of your friendship and how it's been going downhill and how there is SO much more backstory. People respond based on what you write. If there were other relevant details, you should have included them. And the answers were helpful, they just weren't what you wanted to hear.

Im totally with u on this one...a friend from highschool skipped my shower bc she had to go look at wedding dresses with her mom, and skipped my bach party because she had a co-workers wedding who shes known for like 6 months. gag me. whatever. its hard to not take it personal but u just gotta get over it. i my head i just think alright well when you all get married ill remember this type of stuff! i had TWO people RSVP for my bach party aside from the obvious bridesmaids, and one hour before my party was to start one of the FB messaged me and told me she wasnt coming. just let it roll off, and enjoy the time with the people who do come!

Jeanie, the same thing happened to me, one of my best friends left my hens night early n then didn't even rock up to my bridal shower, (no great excuse given either) i know it's not that big of a deal to some but like you i was thinking this is my only bridal shower! i was mega pissed! but i told her how i felt and we talked it out and now we are OK, it still hurts me when i think about it now but i wont let this come between 15 years of friendship.

But like you said if this was the straw that broke the camels back then obviously she does this kinda stuff all the time! not cool.

Jeanie, I think most of the comments were supportive...with only a few exceptions.

Why don't you share some of the backstory and we can try to help?

Was a shower given for you at one time or the other?? I guess the people that go to your family showers might have had lives too. I would not be upset if someone didn't come to a shower, but then shouldn't be surprised if people decline events for you. I have always made a super effort to attend every graduation, shower, wedding, baby shower, etc. - even when I had an opportunity to go to something I really loved, because I know that these events mean something to the people putting them on. It is big moments in THEIR lives. People are so selfish now .... didn't use to be. You went because you were happy for them, not because "they were taking time away from your life."

My son is getting married in 2 weeks and I'm disappointed that four family members (on the groom's side) did not show to the bridal shower.... two sister's in law, my niece (her daughter), and my nephew's wife. Not upset if they sent regrets to the hostess and didn't come (not even sure they did), but disappointed that NOT ONE of them sent a quick text or voice message to my future daughter-in-law to let her know they couldn't make it. This is so freaking rude! We have hosted every one of these family members (and their spouses and children) for a one week trip to Orlando every single year for the past 10 years. I/We (my husband & I) have participated in every party, wedding, shower that they have hosted and now I think I'm done. Just wanted to share this because not one of them was considerate enough to communicate to the one person who it affects the most, which is my sweet future daughter in law. I thought this was common sense. They SUCK!