Taking it personally when people don't come to your shower/wedding

I'm sorry but bridal showers are not THAT big of a deal. Not everyone is into them, and people have lives outside of your shower - maybe she has another commitment. I really can't believe you would be "done" with a friend over this. She is coming to the wedding which is the more important event. Not everyone is going to be able to make it to everything. Try to lower your expectations and have fun with those who are there.

Eh. Do you really want her to make up a dumb excuse? Her excuse might be that she hates showers. They aren't exactly a barrel of monkeys.

While I'm super excited to have my own shower, I'm usually pretty meh about them. There are quite a few people not coming to mine but most have pretty solid reasons, even if they didn't I wouldn't be too upset.

You are done with her because she can't drop her life and do ALL THINGS wedding related? Glad I don't have friends like you! People do not need to explain to you WHY they cannot attend, be happy she at least shot you a heads up to not expect her.

I wouldn't be that upset about the shower especially where she said she would see you at the wedding. I am SO worried about people declining my wedding invites. It will make me sad. The wedding venue organizer told us to expect 15% will decline. My personal opinion is that I don't even want a shower. I am an older bride, in my late 40's, have lived on my own for more than half my life - I don't want a shower, but my maid of honor insists. I don't care if there is 3, 4 or 5 of us at the shower. But my wedding on the other hand ... I will be devastated if too many don't show or decline.

I personally hate showers. I can't go anywhere on a weekend anyway, but if I could, I wouldn't.

People have lives, and don't owe you an explanation. If they RSVP's yes to the wedding and didn't show, THEN you deserve an explanation. But you probably won't get one then either.

I think it just depends on how close you are with this person, you said you've known her since high school, but is she a friend that you talk to daily, hang out with etc. If thats the case, then yea, I would take it personally too. I understand showers aren't all that great, and that people have things going on, but if my best friend told me she couldn't come, and didn't really have a legit reason (like shes in labor, or has a family thing etc) I would be pretty sad that she wouldn't want to be there for me on such a special day. I'm only saying this, because my best girl friend backed out as a bridesmaid because she is pregnant and I was really upset about it. She also went as far as telling me she most likely won't come to any parts of the bachelorette party, and will prolly just stop by the shower (at which point she will only be about 6 months pregnant. My MOH/SIL is 8 months pregnant as we speak and she has busted her ass to do whatever she thinks needs to be done to make sure I enjoy every single part of this wedding. I basically took my friends actions as her just not giving a damn, and that really hurt my feelings and caused a definite issue in our friendship. I was there for her for everything for her wedding, even though I had been unemployed for a year and was scraping pennies to do what had to be done. I feel ya girl, but like I said, it all depends on how close you are with her. If you're more along the lines of acquaintances, then let it go, and be happy about the rest of the people that are coming! You will have a great day either way. Long comment, sorry, just wanted to put it into perspective :o)

My oldest friend from middle school/high school declined my wedding invite because her son had Lego camp that week and said it was the only week they offered it. I was miffed. What can you do though. People's priorities are their own and you can't control it so have to let it go.

I understand being disappointed but being done with someone because they didn't come to your shower is a bit much. And she didn't have to give you an excuse. You're not her boss.

What is it about the wedding process that makes some grown woman turn into brats?

My MOH just told me that two people have said no to coming to my shire and I've had two RSVPs come back as nos. it's a little disappointing but I'm shy so the less people the better!

@Shannon "only about 6 months pregnant"??? Are u kidding me? Who wants to be schlepping around at a bachlorette party at 6 mos pregnant? A little selfish don't you think?

People are not obligated to show up at your events. As stated several times on here, it's an invitation. Not a summons.

Well, any time you're the guest of honor at an event, it does sting when people decline to attend. The trick is to not take it personally because usually, it isn't personal. She's coming to your wedding, and seriously, showers are...showers. I only go to them out of obligation, and honestly, I don't feel obliged to too many people, lol.

You really have no idea why she isn't coming. The fact that she simply wrote, "Oh I can't make it. Sorry. But I'll see you at the wedding" doesn't make it nonchalant. It just makes it brief. At least she told you that she isn't attending. There could be a lot of reasons she isn't attending, but she obviously doesn't want her explanation to be judged as legitimate or illegitimate. She ended it by saying she 's coming to the wedding. Don't make a three hour party featuring snacks, drinks, games, and houseware gifts more important than a forever friendship, because honestly, it's not. It may not feel that way right now, but it's the truth. Life is far too short and unpredictable for that.

I don't think you should take it personally. It's tough not to, but people aren't required to make their lives revolve around your dates. I think it's fair to say that you are disappointed and wish she could be there but that you understand and look forward to sharing your wedding day with her.

Not really sharing but having her a part of your wedding day... sorry that didn't type out right

I hate showers. I only go if I'm in the wedding party. I always send a really nice gift though.

Maya- Shannon said her pregnant friend would be 6 months pregnant for the shower, not the bachelorette party.

OP- I think you have every right to be disappointed, but being done with the relationship is a bit much.

I actually would prefer no reason to the reason one of my friends gave. Offhandedly, she said "oh , your sister ran dates by me. The weekend of the shower is the only one I am in town (shower is out of town) that month. And, hanging out with a bunch of aunts... Meh."

Showers get a bad rap. She doesn't realize that showers in my family are actually fun (most times) and have after parties. But, her mind is made up and I won't change that. I would rather be surrounded by people who truly want to be there, if that's five people or 50, it doesn't matter to me.

I would try not to take it personally. There were some friends that weren't able to make it to my shower, but I understood. We even had people RSVP to our wedding and then not come. One was a close friend of mine, and we haven't heard a peep out of her as to why she didn't come. I'm just going to get over it. I am choosing to focus on the people that WERE there.

Of the four weddings I've actually been IN I've only been able to make it to two. As someone who works weekends I don't get a flexible schedule so I usually miss out on that kind of stuff . i also just don't like showers and didn't have one myself for that reason. Ur wedding will never be as important to everyone else as it is to u , once u begin to understand that it's easier to handle people not attending

I wouldn't take it personally at all. I actually can't think of the last bridal shower I was able to attend.

I have a crazy work schedule that includes weekends, so I usually have plans for my weekends off months in advance. I'd much more likely to just say "Sorry I can't make it, your gift is in the mail" then tell them the actual reason. (Already had plans to visit family out of town, running a half marathon, whatever....)

You can't expect everyone to be able to make it to everything.

Guess I'm the odd man out. I agree with you Jeanie. I don't think I would actually write her off as a friend but I certainly would not be as close of a friend to her anymore. She obviously is not as close of a friend as you think. Friends are there for each other whether you are having fun or not. Suck it up and go to things you might not like. I understand work schedules, however, shower invitations usually don't go out the night before, request off. If you really can't miss work then at least offer a reason you cannot attend and send a gift. Showers are suppose to be attended by those that are closest to you, not random people. Unless you a sick or there is an emergency you should should make every effort attend.