ASMini914
Super September 2019

Tacky or Ok?

ASMini914, on May 21, 2019 at 12:18 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 57
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Looking for some honest opinions here on if my approach to bridesmaids hair/makeup/nails is tacky or not...

nails: I will be getting my nails done the Friday morning before the wedding at my nail salon. I’m going to invite all 5 bridesmaids to come with, and anyone who gets them done there I plan to pay for. If they aren’t able to attend, I plan to give them the name of the polish (it’s a gel) for them to get done on their own, or I will also let them know I will have a bottle of a very similar colored regular polish the morning of while we are getting ready so they would then need to come with no color on and we can paint them that morning.

Hair: I have a HMUA coming, I will be paying for all of them to have their hair done. This was the more expensive of the two services, and I think I might want to have a say in what their hair looks like.

Makeup: this is not something that I am going to require, but all bridesmaids have expressed interest in having their makeup done. I plan to have them cover this on their own if it’s something they want, otherwise they can do it on their own. I have a hmua coming that I can make available to them, they just need to let me know ahead of time so I can collect money from them to in turn pay her. I would also offer that if they decide to have her do the service I will cover the tip (not sure if that’s necessary, but I want to avoid any awkward exchange of cash/money on my wedding day where possible).

basically I just don’t know if it’s tacky to have them paying for a service on their own that I’ve made optional.

57 Comments

  • Mandi
    Rockstar March 2020
    Mandi ·
    Since it's not required, I think you're fine.
  • Mrs. C
    Super May 2019
    Mrs. C ·

    I made it optional and they had a choice to use it since it was there. Nearly all of them took advantage of the hair service but some chose to do their own makeup which I was totally fine with. They made the payments directly to the girls there and it was one less thing for me to have to worry about. A lot of people do this and its not tacky at all!

  • Future Mrs. K
    VIP June 2019
    Future Mrs. K ·

    I don't think having them pay for the makeup if they want it since it's optional is tacky. However, I do think the nail thing is kind of tacky. I would never tell my girls they have to get a specific color. I would just let them get whatever they want and pay for them if they came with me.

  • Lara
    Devoted October 2019
    Lara ·

    I don't think it's tacky. If you aren't making it a requirement, then they wont feel obligated to pay for that. It's just a desire of theirs at that point.

  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Hmm, I hadn’t thought of that at all. Every wedding I’ve been in I’ve had to get a certain color and I’ve always had to go on my own so I thought I was being extra nice by inviting them to go with me.
    Their dresses are burgundy, and I would want them all to have the same color polish, which is why I would be providing the means for that to happen.
    Curious what other thoughts are on this... if it’s not a good look then I just won’t even offer 🤷🏼‍♀️
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    I agree with the nail polish thing being a bit extra. No one is going to notice their nail color. If you don’t want them to have a crazy color just tell them to have a neutral or pink polish but to dictate the exact shade seems a little much. I say this as someone who had 10 bridesmaids and I have no idea what their nails looked like on my wedding day haha.
  • Kelsey
    Super September 2020
    Kelsey Online ·

    I also agree the nail thing is a bit much. I think general guidelines are ok, but I don't think you need to tell the exact color, I also wouldn't notice or care if my bm's had different colored nails or designs. I do agree though about making makeup optional for them.

  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·

    If you are not requiring it then they can pay on their own. If you are requiring then you pay. I think the nail polish thing is a little much. Either they come with you and get it done or you just ask them to wear nothing or a neutral color.

  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    Everything sounds just fine, you’re good.
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·

    Nails: It sounds like the nails are required? I'd rethink that if possible. I get fake nails 24/7. If I don't have them on, I bite my nails so ridiculously, the cuticles will bleed and it will look awful. Plus it's a HUGE pain to take them off and get them put back on, it makes my nails brittle, it's painful, and it's expensive. I wouldn't mind painting a shellac color over them I guess, but I'd want to go to the salon I always go to since fake nails are a lot harder to deal with if they are done poorly. If it were me, I'd give the girls an option of a french manicure or the color, but not a specific nail polish color. That seems a little extra, in my opinion. I've been a bridesmaid twice, both times my nails haven't been noticeable in a single picture. One bride didn't care what we did, the other said french tip or nude nail polish or just bare/clean nails.

    Hair: It's nice you are paying for it. I'm paying for nails, hair, and makeup for all the bridesmaids. But every service is optional and they can 100% do whatever they feel comfortable in. I'm not as picky about my hair so I'd do whatever style the bride wanted. But I know some people are picky about what style they feel comfortable in. Some women get migraines/headaches so having their hair pulled back is really inconvenient, especially for a full wedding day.

    Makeup: I think you covering the tip is great, and you making it optional & having them pay is totally fine.

    If I was your bridesmaid, the nail part would bother me the most. I have a french tip all the time, which is a pretty typical/normal look that isn't overwhelming or bright or obnoxious, so I'd be annoyed if that wasn't okay for the bride. I probably would get my nails done in a similar color assuming the bride wouldn't care, but I wouldn't be painting my nails myself or going to a salon I didn't normally go to. I don't think any of what you said is tacky, just more tedious and nit picky.

  • Allie
    Rockstar August 2019
    Allie ·

    Usually the rule is that if you make it optional, you don't have to pay for it.

  • Cheryl
    Expert October 2020
    Cheryl ·
    Re the color: Are you planning on having photos that feature their hands? Maybe if not than any neutral would be ok. You could always check with them before deciding, if not. You could also run the idea by your MOH to check her temperature before going to the others. You may be overthinking something that the girls don't really mind.
  • Furture Mrs. G
    Expert September 2019
    Furture Mrs. G ·

    I am paying for hair and make up and they will pay to get their nails/toes done the day before.

  • V
    Super July 2019
    Veronica ·

    I agree with that others have said. If you are not requiring them to get their makeup done professionally and they make the decision to use your person then that cost should totally be on them. As for the nails, I wouldn't recommend making them have a certain color. For my wedding, I am going to get my nails done before the rehearsal and I invited the girls to go with me. Some of them are and others are not. It was optional so they are paying for themselves. If you are concerned about color, maybe suggest some colors to them. They asked if I wanted a specific color and I recommended some colors, but said as long as they didn't do anything wild or crazy it was fine by me. The only person I really was specific with is my sil because she tends to only paint one nail on each hand so I just asked that she paint all of her nails or none of them. She also likes to have 1 nail that is super long compared to the rest and I know she won't cut it so I'm not even going to bother asking her because I likely won't even notice. The groomswoman in our wedding was in another one of her friend's weddings and she said the bride picked out the nail and toenail polish for all of them and she hated it. She had wanted to go get her nails done at the nail salon she normally goes, but the bride would not let her so unless you want to make people angry I wouldn't require them to paint their nails a certain color.

  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·

    I think this is all totally reasonable!

  • Iva
    Super September 2019
    Iva ·
    I’d never dictate what nail color or hair style or type of makeup my BM are supposed to have. Giving them dress color & length is as far as I go & even that is not mandatory 😆 I respect my closest people for who they are & how they look & trust them to make the right choices for themselves & for my wedding. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be picking them to stand next to me 🤷🏻‍♀️
    Sorry, not judging at all, just sharing my POV, since you asked. Anyway, there is usually more than one right solution for everything, especially for different people.
  • Bride2020
    Devoted May 2020
    Bride2020 ·

    I don't think the nail thing is extra, and I'm a pretty laid back person. I wouldn't think it's weird that you're requiring, especially since you're paying for it and you will have the color on hand day of for anyone to touch up. You've really thought of everything to make it easy for them by having it on hand for them if they can't come with you to get them done, that's really thoughtful! I don't think anything you're doing sounds tacky at all, and it's really nice of you to cover the tip for make up even though you aren't requiring it! If you're looking to save cost, it's definitely something easy would be to go without the nails, but everyone has a little detail or two that they care about that others might not even notice, if yours is nails, yours is nails!

  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you for this!

    I know that I am the only one of my girls who ever has their nails done. One will occasionally paint hers a random/crazy color and leave it for weeks and it drives me nuts. Maybe I’ll just ask that they either do a dark red, a nude/neutral color, or just nothing at all.

    Honestly I always (always!) have my nails done (every 2 weeks I have a standing appointment) and it drives me crazy when people have theirs in an unkempt state, especially for a formal event.
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    First, even when you pay the hairdresser, each person gets their hair done the way they want it do. You don't get to require people change a part of their body, be it hair or tattoos, because you pay. Some things are not for sale. You can make a suggestion, like you prefer an updo, but anyone can then do what they want. . . .Brides are not responsible for hair or makeup for their wedding party or mothers. It is an option for you to pay. You are not tacky of you say, everyone take care of your own, and arrive groomed and ready to go. And you are not tacky if you pay someone to do you and say, anyone who would like to pay the hair stylist or make up person to do them also, let me know. Pay for as much or as little as you want. Just let people know in advance. . . . Until recent years , only celebrities and the rich had pro makeup and did group getting ready where some brides offers pro services. The traditional way, and still done all over, is for people to responsible for doing their own, having a friend help, or paying and each person arranging their own. You do not have to apologize, or feel you are tacky, doing it the traditional way. When I was bride, and when I am in a wedding, I far prefer taking care of doing or arranging my own services . It means people not having to sit around for hours waiting for others, in a getting ready group. With everyone getting ready in their own space, 1 or 2 together, or using salons nearby or in a hotel, or a hairdresser who makes appointments to see each person, from shower to ready and dressed cuts down to 1-2 hours, not many hours. Do and pay for what you want to offer, just be clear to others, and you are fine.
  • Emily
    Expert April 2020
    Emily ·

    I agree with everyone else - only things you require day of, should be paid for by you!

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