Tacky etiquette

My bridal party mentioned wanting robes and a head table. But I would like my "head table" to include their significant others and children.

@StPaulGal I can afford 8 bridesmaids for the actual necessary things that need to be done for the wedding and I have also afforded things to show appreciation for 8 bridesmaids. I have 6 friends that are very important to me and 2 sisters that I wanted to share the day with me. I'm saying i can't afford to go all out in gifts for them, if you can good for you. At the end of the day I know I gave them what I could to show them how thankful I was and I guess if that wasn't enough for them then I'm sorry.

I don't see jewelry for the wedding as a bad thing as long as it is something that can be worn again and like someone said not so cheap that it falls apart before the end of the night. The last wedding I was in, the bride bought us all necklaces and earrings but it was stuff that could be worn dressed up or dressed down. The earrings have become one of my favorite pairs to wear now. I really think its a "know your crowd" sort of thing.

I think it's fine if you get them all the same thing (and you even said they wanted robes).

ONE of the things I'm getting mine are beach coverups (since it's at the beach and I personally wouldn't wear a satin robe ever again).

If you have a head table, include SO's. I've been in weddings where I sat at a head table but SO's sat there with us.

I was so mad/upset at a wedding my fiancé was in (we had been dating a couple months at this time), and I came with him and knew NO ONE else. He spent the night elsewhere and I shared a hotel room with 2 gf's of his friends I didn't know, spent the whole day with those random girls, then come wedding time, I was seated with more random people I didn't know and never met! I spent zero time with him the whole time except at the end dancing! Don't separate dates!! That'll be rude!

ETA: Double post

Probably UO here and from everything I've learned on these forums, maybe things are done differently here on the island (Oahu) but I've been a bridesmaid 4 times and a MOH once and I would never ever ever consider any kind of gift that was given to me, whether I could use it in the future for myself or not "tacky" or a "prop." Whether it was a $5 water bottle that says bridesmaid or a $100 Tiffany necklace, either represents a keepsake of being so special to someone that they wanted you by their side on their wedding day.

I mean, seriously, for everyone here calling certain gifts tacky (who also encourage you to be honest on what's tacky or not etiquette or what)... if your very best and closest friend gave you a plush robe with your name or "bridesmaid" or something on it... would you metaphorically spit on it and say and/or think, "This is tacky as shit and all you're going to give me is a PROP when all I was expected to do was wear the dress you chose and show up?!" Sounds a little ungrateful, to me.

Not saying that I plan on doing that for my upcoming wedding and I hope that those that do go that route have bridesmaid who would appreciate the keepsake and be grateful rather than expect something else that, god forbid, is considered tacky or a prop.

I spent about $75 for 10 people. And I got everyone the same things. A tote/weekend bag, mermaid tail blanket and black LLR leggings. I also purchased getting ready button downs not as part of their gifts

ETA I got all different totes and blankets depending on their styles/favorite colors

You got all that for $7.5 per person?

Kate- knock offs? lol

Every item would have to have been purchased at the $1 store.

@Kate Yeah but it's not YOUR waste of money. It may be a waste of money from the FB but it was also a thought of giving you something that you probably didn't have. Okay, so say it was a robe and the intent was for her pictures to look good. Does that make her selfish for getting you something at all? Does that make her rude? I think rude and selfish with the intent of using it for props would be to give it to you and then taking it back afterwards. But she is gifting it to you and wants you to keep it in remembrance of being a part of her special day.

IMO, anyone that sees that as tacky or a prop is just plain ungrateful. But remove the "bridesmaid" personalization and replace it with their name and make sure that NO pictures are taken with it and make sure that they're different from each other somehow... all of a sudden it's an individualized gift that came straight from the heart?

ETA: So you're given the "bridesmaid" tumbler. Do you give it back saying that it's a waste of money and you'll be happy with something specifically for you? Or would you keep it, not be grateful, and come on these forums to complain about how tacky a GIFT was? I think THAT would be considered more rude than to gift those that are standing by your side something to remember the day with. Just saying.

You will learn a lot of things that ppl consider "tacky" or "rude" on WW. Realistically I've been in about 6-7 weddings in my adult life. Ive never gotten a gift that was " like a bday gift" for being in someones wedding and I have never been to or in a wedding without a head table.

I wasnt ungrateful and I didnt think the bride was shitty for getting us matching totes or something similar. I wasnt pissed OR sad that I had to sit without my FH for an hour tops although we were in the same room. I survived all occasions.

@StPaulGal I would never exclude or not ask some of the most important women in my life to be in my wedding party simply because I couldn't get them a gift. The people I ask to be in my bridal party are being asked because they are an important person in my life and because they love me and want to stand with me on the day I marry my FH. I don't know when gift giving became a "necessity" in a wedding but I've been to and been in many weddings and never have I once gotten an expensive or super personal gift. I usually got earrings that matched my dress or a robe and I was completely happy with that because I know how much time and money the bride put into planning that wedding and I would never expect her to also spend money on getting me a gift. It's a nice extra, but it's certainly not a necessity.

I never understand when people use "it didn't kill me" as a benchmark for if something was okay or not. I've been in car accidents that didn't kill me. They still weren't good times.

Do you want your guests describing your wedding as "survivable"?

Just to clarify- I don't think the BMs are props. I am just saying that the dresses are things you chose for them to wear and stand in pictures with you and no one is bothered by that concept, so I don't see why I should be offended by a gift that's not "unique". I personally have never minded- and if I didn't get a gift I don't think I would have cared. It's a really nice gesture to say thank you, of course. But I wouldn't be like "AGHHH HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME THIS MONOGRAMMED SHIRT YOU MYTHIC BITCH!!!!". Also I never got a robe as a BM but I did buy one for myself NWR because I love wearing it while I get ready at home!

So yeah, sometimes the "you're tacky tirade" here gets a little intense. At the end of the day these people are doing you a huge favor. A thank you is super thoughtful, but another thing that's super thoughtful is alleviating expenses for them as bridesmaids. Finding affordable gowns, making sure everyone is comfortable and confident... not pressuring anyone into over the top expensive bachelorette parties, covering their hair and/or makeup if you can afford to. I think that's a lot more useful and considerate than pumping thousands of dollars out of them and buying them a Tiffany necklace. Or do both! Or don't!

@Christy- I am good to my friends all year round! The thank you gift was just an extra bonus. I think it's the thought that counts. Seems like you think that if someone loves you they do things for you. Not always the case.

@Delfina Holy crap that literally made me LOL

@Delfina Nope. I just hope that they aren't as judgemental and ungrateful as some of the ppl on here sound.

None of that sounds tacky. We are doing a sweetheart table too. And an additional gift for the MOH sounds like you're making that a little more special for her, sounds fine to me!

I gave them all the same things. Totes with their names, 2 of the BMs are traveling for the wedding, personalized flasks, and then an Alex and Ani bracelet in which the charm is specific to each relationship. I asked if they wanted the monogram or name and a lot of times they said their first initial or the first name since none of them are married yet. Of course I wanted everything of mine to say bride but I could understand why they wouldnt want bridesmaid on everything. One said she would like it because she is happy to be such a big part of my day and the other said she didn't want bridesmaid on it.. I was looking into the jersey shirts because I love them but when ordering 5 of them they were too expensive for shirts.

I've only been a bridesmaid once and I got a Tiffany necklace as a gift. I actually felt really guilty that the bride spent so much on us (esp bas that one of the bridesmaid was a huge pain the entire time and she still spent that much on her). I did host her bridal shower, her bachelorettee, and her spa day before the wedding, but I didn't do them because I was expecting a lavish gift out of it. I knew she was grateful for the support and loved the parties, and that's all I really cared about.

FH and are only spending $60 pp on gifts, as we have a total of 12 BMs and GMs. I plan on getting each BM a necklace that will go with her dress, as well as a personal gift that I know each will like and a handwritten thank you note. I don't think you need to spend a large sum of money to thank someone.