Tacky etiquette

Most people give their bridesmaids the same gifts and then give the MOH a little something extra. And giving robes isn't tacky, it's just those who see it as a prop believe that's not all you should give. As far as the head table, that was the norm for ages, until recently people are doing sweetheart tables, so I don't think there is anything wrong with the traditional head table.

Christy- I can understand that, i am more thinking the cheap ass water bottles, robes and bags that say bridesmaids.

What did you get your girls?

I have personally never been picky of a gift because it's a GIFT. I don't think you need to drop "x" amount of money, or shop like it's their birthday. I personally couldn't drop 100 bucks for each bridesmaid PLUS a gift for my FH, his parents and my parents. That's about 1000 bucks if not more. I just paid for a very expensive wedding, we are saving up to buy a house. If you can't afford to spend 100 bucks you don't have to.

I personally think robes are a great gift and can be reused again. I also think jewelry is a great gift. I've never complained about a GIFT because it's a GIFT. They didn't have to get me something to begin with. One wedding I was in I got a goodie bag of "necessities" like a lint roller, nail stuff, chapstick, anything that could have been used at the wedding. The bags were cute. I was able to use the stuff again, it was a gift.

@Christy- I think putting a price limit on the BM gifts is a little over the top. I wouldn't say my girls "went all out for me". They literally just showed up the day of the wedding and stood beside me. They did pay for their dresses which I ordered because they weren't doing it. Dresses were $60 off DB clearance. I got them nice personalized gifts but I didn't spend $100. I don't think that matters.

OP- listen to PP. Yes it's not the end of the world to be separated from your SO but it's not fun either. Let people sit with their SO's. If you are set on having a head table you should include SO's up there as well. Robes seem like props to me. I can not imagine wearing a short silk robe a regular basis.

I personally would appreciate a "generic" gift like a bridesmaid water bottle or a makeup bag that said bridesmaid on it over some cheap jewelry that breaks before the end of the night. I will always need more water bottles and bags to put my shit in, frankly.

I don't like robes, since I live in TX and it's always too hot IMO for a robe. But I also don't think there's anything wrong with buying them for your girls. Make sure they're decent quality and it's fine.

Have you ever heard about gifts that "it's the thought that counts"? A generic gift you give to all your bridesmaids is the direct opposite of that. It's clear proof that you didn't care enough to give a moment's thought to who each of them is as a person and what they might actually like to receive. It demonstrates to them that you see them as interchangeable bodies filling a role; "this is the robe I bought my bridesmaids" rather than "this is a pair of earrings I know Suzy would like, and this is a cooking tool Sarah has been wanting, and this is something Katie could use for her garden."

I got each of my BM's something different, all necklaces within the same price range but I chose a different style for each that made me think of them. They're not required to wear them at the wedding either, they're just for them because I love them and I am having a sweetheart table so as not to separate couples.

Oh, and I wouldn't call either "tacky." Tacky is more about being cheap/gaudy. Generic gifts are thoughtless and asking people to sit apart from their dates is selfish and disrespectful.

I loved the gifts I got as a BM... and yeah they were the same as everyone else. Who gives a f? I wear the necklace and bracelet all the time, and used the clutch until it fell apart! I think it's tacky to judge a gift someone gives you... technically bridesmaids are props if you're going to get that technical with it. The gowns are props. I've never been offended by it... I don't get why anyone would be.

Its not so much that I''d judge them, its just likely throw it in the trash. If its not something useful/quality i dont have room for it. I also dont want anything that says BM, or has the couples name and date on it. I would use it that day as their prop for photos then get rid of it shortly after.

Hard NO, @LuckyAK. Bridesmaids are NOT props. They are your closest friends whom you have chosen to honor and recognize at your wedding. When you stand up there in front of everyone, you are telling them all "this is the person I have chosen to marry, and these are the people who are closest to me in the world."

If you want props for your photos, hire models.

@OGKatheryn actually when I had asked them if they'd like a robe or something else as a gift they had all agreed on the robes. They helped pick them out but I purchased them. So they actually did want them, thank you very much. Not sure why you'd accuse me of lying. Haha

As a bridesmaid I never ever expect to get gifts like it was my birthday considering we are there to share the bride and grooms special day. Whatever the bride gave was plenty considering the reason I was really in the wedding was be by the brides side not get gifts. Also, with having 8 girls and paying for an expensive wedding, having all my other daily things I pay for I cannot really go out and shop like it's their birthdays. I'm glad I have such understanding and grateful Bridesmaids. Thank you for all the advice though!

UO here, but I'm always reading on WW that all a BM has to do is wear the dress you tell them to and show up. So if that is literally all a BM does, then I do not think spending $75+ on a gift is necessary or "shopping like it's their birthday" because it's not their birthday. Spending that much on every BM can get expensive, and if you're on a budget it's just not necessary. I'm not sure when the whole buying gifts for the bridal party became a thing because I know from talking to my parents and grandparents they never did it.

ETA: if your BP planned a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party, is traveling far for your wedding, paying to stay in a hotel or otherwise goes above and beyond for you, then yes it is a nice gesture to get them a decent gift. This comment is mainly referring to the BM that only buys a dress and shows up on time.

8 is an awful lot of people. I had 4 so that i was able to treat them to a nice gift.

I am glad all 8 agreed they wanted a robe to get ready in.

Jeez Louis- Do you have room for one more? ;o)

I think robes are fine as long as they are 1. quality or 2. not really part of the "gift". You got them a ton of nice shit!

I think people have gone over top top with the gift giving thing when it comes to weddings. Every time I have been a bridesmaid it was something super simple, and neither time was I expecting a single thing. I am guilty of it too tho, I'm giving a lot to my bridesmaids, but I don't feel like everyone should have to. Weddings used to be so much more simple.

It totally is, I know there were a few times i was buying things I almost got one for myself. I had to slap my hand.

Agreed, or the posts, I got 10 robes off of "whatever" site for $35. Can you imagine how scratchy and shitty they must be? lol

Christy- Missed the cape cod part? What town and where?!

I have a cottage in Eastham, we were just there for a week two weeks ago. My sister wants her wedding there and has some really unrealistic views on the pricing down there.

Try to stay at P-town until night time, the night life is great. Lots of drag queens, karaoke, and bars. So many good restaurants, the best seafood..

Chatham is very cute as well. There isnt much there but its a nice little town to walk through and grab lunch.

"Shop like it's their birthday" doesn't mean it has to be lavish. It means it has to be PERSONAL. A $25 gift chosen for *me* based on the things *I like* is a thousand times better than a $250 crystal bowl I didn't need or want.

And if you can't afford 8 bridesmaids--including bouquets, hair and makeup if you want it done, shoes and accessories if you want specific ones, rehearsal dinner if you are doing a rehearsal, and yes, gifts--you shouldn't have had 8 bridesmaids. I had two, because bridesmaids are expensive.