Substitute bridesmaid?

It's very rude to substitute or replace bridesmaids.

If you've already picked your bridesmaids and told them, then the person who Is your replacement will know they were second choice.

But these ladies are trying to give you good advice. Please wait till later to pick your party. My wedding is before yours, and I'm waiting till summer to ask mine. Two of my (potential) bridesmaids are my cousins, but weddings bring out the worst in people. we will hear back from brides who pick too early asking how to "fire" a bridesmaid because they had unrealistic expectations or turned into a bridezilla

Who made the rules about WHEN it's ok to ask or not? Who said I asked already? That's seems like it's an opinion. Is there a book I should read that lists all the times you should ask? Is it signed by the president? This is all so off topic omg! Too funny! Apparently I'm a rare one that has had my bridesmaids picked out since I was little. Those I've picked have known they were going to be my bridesmaids long before there was even an engagement. Life long friends and family. You can all think it's too soon to THINK of such things if you want. Doesn't make it right or wrong just makes it a personal choice.

Haha shocking. Someone coming on here to have a bunch of us tell her that her bad ideas are okay and gets pissed off when people tell her ideas are rude/bad.

@Chip thank you! At least you know how to be nice about it. Can you rub off on some of the others?

Hun, look at the majority here. Some of us have been around for a little while. We aren't a bunch of idiots giving you bad advice. We've seen what works and doesn't work, and just because "we don't know you" and "your situation is different" (really, it rarely is).. doesn't mean you're not headed towards disaster

@K.M. I'm not pissed people are saying it's a bad idea. In pissed that they feel they need to go off topic about other things. If people only said yeah that's a bad idea no problem! That's why I asked. It's the other shit that is just stupid.

Lmao LeahH if you wanna see a hissy fit I can show you. And it's not constructive criticism from most of them it's just their bs opinions. There's a difference.

This is an Internet forum. You can't control what people say. Also, no one was rude to you.

I was lucky to not have drama with the girls. They even helped me plan my emergency wedding for my dying father in 2 -3 weeks, got dresses altered between Christmas and NY and helped cater the mini wedding in the hospital. I could not ask for better girls. They picked me up, held me up and helped me beyond words. Getting married in the hospital and loosing your father in 4.5 days sucked, but they had my back.

@Kt: From where we sit, Britt called it. Also, one star means never posting/commenting, which usually means clueless.

The short answer?... here you go.

@Kt - Name calling isn't allowed here. It's against our Community Guidelines. You seem upset about how some people have responded, but I haven't seen anything that violates our guidelines. If you do, please feel free to flag it so a moderator can review it.

https://www.weddingwire.com/corp/legal/community-guidelines

It would be tacky

Walking from side to side OP?

Op, this is ridiculous, and if you didn't want advice, why bother asking? (NOTE TO MODS: I am NOT telling her not to post, it's a legitimate question!)

My XBFF I had known over 26 years. I thought things were great between us, closer than ever. One day she decides that since I didn't drop everything (including getting my son up at 11pm) to drive 3 hours one way to go get her at the airport when she returned from meeting a guy across the country while cheating on her fiancé, I must be a horrible friend, and she threw away our entire friendship. Someone I thought I'd be friends with forever, and the friendship was gone over what amounted to a fit of entitlement and juvenile pissiness. The point is, you DON'T know what can happen with these friendships, and it's better to wait to ask.

That said, if I was the person you asked to do this, I would tell you no and phase you out of my life. You don't get to treat people like garbage like that. You will be telling her, through your actions, that she's only good enough to be in your BP if someone more important / someone you care about more doesn't show. That's a really shitty way to treat someone.

No, this would not be appropriate. Your wedding party are not props or roles in a play to be filled. Your BM doesn't need an understudy. How do you think it would make the second rate BM feel to know she's not wanted unless someone else drops out?

You don't select a person and put them in the mental file labeled, "Worst Case Scenario". What you're saying is, "In the event of the worst case scenario, your services will be required. If all goes as I really want it to, we won't be needing your services."

Just reading your post tells me that you are conflicted about this. Your verbiage gives you away. You already know, in your heart, that what you're considering feels wrong. You use phrases like "would it be awful?", "would it be bad or tacky?". You tell us.

Sometimes women get really lost in wedding world. They build up their wedding day to the point that they forget that it's really just one day -- six or eight hours. Issues like, "but I want only 5 bridesmaids" become massive brain benders, and they don't have to be. You can't use people so that your wedding vision becomes reality (and by asking this girl to be an understudy, that's exactly what you're doing); instead, you accept this reality: You will either have six BMs if your sister comes or five BMs if she doesn't come OR you will have five BMs if your sister comes and four BMs if she doesn't come. That's it. The rules don't change just because you're getting married; you treat people with the same dignity and respect that you would in day-to-day life.

I have to agree with my fellow ladies. I asked five women to be up there with me that day too far in advance! I learned the hard way when two dropped out because life got in the way.

Also, you keep asking if there is a book where we learned this information! There is. I attached a photo.

Tacky.

If your sister can't make it, don't have a substitute. It's insulting, like they weren't good enough to be asked the first time.

I'm just wandering why you asked the question if you already knew the answer.

Which clearly you do since you're criticizing everyone who has given you a different opinion but your own.

How old are you 16?