Stock the bar wedding shower

Thank You all for the advice. I will forward to my MOH and let her do what she will.

There are no gift-giving pre-renewal festivities that are appropriate. You'll get your gifts at your renewal. You seem to understand that having a bachelorette party after marriage is inappropriate. The same theory holds true for other pre-wedding festivities (like a shower). Besides, what you're really doing (or what your MOH is proposing) is that your guests pay for the alcohol you'll be serving at your renewal. If you want to do a renewal, it's up to you to host it. Your MOH may want to do something, but there's really nothing to do.

I've never been to a "stock the bar" party, but as Snarky pointed out, it would seem to me that you'd be getting a real mixture of alcohol (both in variety and quality). Like her, I'm not a fan of switching to whiskey because the vodka ran out (I'm religious about not mixing liquors -- it makes me physically ill to mix).

I must be laid back as hell, tacky as two-sided tape, or perhaps a bit of both.

I totally understand that because you eloped the people that would have thrown a shower for you didn't get the chance, but they want to do *something* for you. Because they love you. There's nothing wrong with that.

To be honest, I wouldn't give a flying fig if you were my friend and you threw a stock-the-bar party. It would be different and fun, IMO. I wouldn't talk behind your back (I'd tell you to your front if I did think something you were doing was questionable). I love buying people liquor and I will often gift people with it anyways.

However, I agree with the sentiment that stocking the bar for the reception may be problematic in that you may not have enough booze to cover the night. That is a legit concern and that is the only reason I personally would steer doing it.

So, why not have a classy cocktail party? It is customary to bring a gift of wine or alcohol.

I'm in the boat of tacky. You've already eloped, you don't get to have the pre-wedding events like a shower, ect. Second to that, I think of stocking the bar as another way of saying, "Hey, I don't have enough money to stock the bar at the wedding myself so could you bring a bottle to pay for the bar?"

I am old and out of touch, but -

At stock the bar parties, you drink the booze that people gift? I don't understand the point. It sounds like a normal party and you will be left with an empty bar. I always imagined that the host would provide food/booze and the guests would drop off the bottles for the couple to keep.

I think everyone is misunderstanding. Any booze gifted would not be for the reception. That is just silly, one cant expect friends and family to foot the bill for a party they are invited to. I do not want to get gifts that I already have, and I know my family and friends they will bring gifts. Yes, Chris they want to throw something because I did not give anyone the opportunity to do so before. So far all of our friends and family completely understand why we eloped and are excited to celebrate our love.

With that clarification, my tacky self says go for it. I'd send you a bottle if I could.

I understood the stock the bar thing Its mostly for housewarming parties for example.

So, what you really want to do is throw a BYOB party in honor of your upcoming renewal? Isn't that the same thing as asking the guests to foot the bill for a party they've been invited to? I'm with OriginalKD -- I must be hopelessly out of touch. The last BYOB party I went to was decades ago and it was for college aged kids. Stock the Bar parties, as I understand them, are for wedding receptions (I'm not a fan, but I am familiar with them). I just don't understand this whole thing.

That's why I asked for clarification early on about what you meant by "stock the bar." Thanks for specifying! So basically it would be a shower, but instead of gifts, people would bring booze to stock your home bar.

If people are insistent on throwing you a pre-wedding party, could you make it a recipe-giving event? That way people aren't spending money, nor will they be confused about what their gift is going toward!

@PrincessConsuela - that is a great idea!! And there could be a little book or recipe holder to place the recipes in. Such a fun thought!

CPF - It just sounds like an old school cocktail party to me, in honor of the wedding. The booze isn't being used on the spot. Perhaps the term "Stock the Bar" isn't the appropriate term for what she and her family are trying to accomplish.

I like the Girls Night Out Celebration and have the theme as Stock the bar.

Yes your married, but, its your family and friends and they want to do something special for you. Whether they call it a bridal Shower or not, your friends and family are going to know why you are doing it. If you would rather have them all bring alcohol to use at the Vowel Celebration, go for it.

If your best ladies are suggesting it, go with the flow and it will be fine. If you are suggesting it, maybe check and see what family thinks of it, and go with the consensus.

I feel like doing any sort of "pre" party before the renewal ceremony and reception is redundant at this point. It would seem like you are just fishing for gifts, yet you aren't, so I'd be REALLY confused. Why have those other "showers" that people have before a wedding if you are already married. The renewal and reception is to celebrate your year of marriage with family and friends, I get that, but not other showers beforehand, but after your already married. Just stick with the renewals and reception, IMO.

Hmmm... I wouldn't be pleased to be asked to host someone else's party, but since I'd bring a gift to a shower, anyway, I wouldn't have a STRONG objection.

You are having a vow renewal and a party afterward - *that* is the chance your friends have to "celebrate your love". I truly do not understand having any pre-vow renewal parties. It's just silly and yes, tacky.

The only type of stock the bar party I've been to is a housewarming.

Seems unnecessary

If your friends want to have a pre-party. What about a bridal tea, or a spa day.

Thanks for the clarification, Chris. Truly, I'm not getting it. At the end of the day (the stock the party/vow renewal shower day), is the OP suggesting that people bring alcohol to stock the OP's home bar (as in, none of it will be opened at the vow renewal shower, but it will be opened on Thanksgiving when the fam visits)? I'm with Emily (and a bunch of others) -- I don't get it, couldn't do it, and I'd veto it. However, the OP will share our input with her MOH and let her do what she wants -- which means, it's probably going to happen, lol.