Step parents role in the wedding

Parents typically have a pretty limited role in the wedding, as they don't walk in the processional unless they are escorting the bride down the aisle. There's typically a mother-son dance, but that can be skipped as well if he wants. What is it that your dads are asking for in terms of stepmother involvement?

View Quoted Comment Nothing yet haha I am just anticipating. Our date is very far out (end of Dec 2022) but this has been an area of stress for me for a while. I anticipate I will invite both to get their hair and makeup done if they would like, and for the family procession I assume FH’s step mom and dad will walk in together, but since my dad will be walking me I’m not sure if I need to organize my dads wife being walked in or not. Or if the walk in is more for the moms and we could skip that all together and just have the grandparents?


One of my dads wife’s sons got married a few years ago and he included my dad in a lot (he walked his wife in, he was involved in getting ready and given a matching tie/flower, he was in photos) so I’m not sure what level my dad will be expecting his wife to be involved in my wedding.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, its pretty common for parents to be in family photos. Your stepmom can be escorted down the aisle with someone else (like her son) if you want her to be in the start of the processional, and mothers and grandmothers can have corsages. But outside of pictures, there's nothing you listed that I would personally categorize as significant stepmom involvement. For your fiance, the above doesn't include any direct interaction on his part with her aside from family photos, and he can opt to take some with just his biological family and a few with her (I would assume his dad would want his wife included in some photos). The real spotlight for parents is if they escort the bride or groom down the aisle and if they do a dance with their child during the reception. Both of those can be skipped if either you or your fiance are not comfortable with it.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!!

Look at it this way, the step-moms will be the only grandmothers your future kids know. Its totally ok for you both not to think of them as "replacement moms" and I assume they don't want to be that. However they are significant family members who will in fact have a special place in the lives of your children. Think of them like that and your life will be much happier. (BTW, I am step-mom).

Hi Lauren! My husband has a stepmom and we had a corsage for her on the wedding day and she is super talented with crafts, so I asked if she could help me make the card box. She graciously threw me a shower with husband’s mom (they cohosted the event). It worked out great 👍

My husband's parents separated when he was in 8th grade (15 years ago), but officially divorced this year. My father-in-law was engaged at the time of our wedding (they got married about a month ago), but my husband barely knows his new step-mom so she wasn't very involved. The only thing she did at the wedding was escort his dad into the reception when parents were introduced. His dad didn't participate in the processional because he doesn't really like attention on him so we only had our moms and their escorts (our brothers) as a part of the processional. I was honestly surprised his dad was willing to be introduced at the reception. I had asked my husband if he wanted to give his now step-mom a corsage since both our moms had them and both our dads had boutonnieres, but he felt the corsage was an honor only our moms should have. I think if he actually knew his step-mom he might have felt differently, but because they don't really have an established relationship that he wasn't comfortable including her in a lot.

My father passed away three years before I got married, though my parents were long divorced. My mom had remarried close to ten years before I did and my relationship with her husband started rocky and is fine now. We didn’t do any parental processionals, so her husband just sat with her. He was included in some photos and not in others. My amazing photographer (who basically rose to the occasion as a day of coordinator) knew the situation and directed photos in a way that didn’t put the heat on me or make him feel left out.


OP, there’s definitely a way to balance yours and your fiancé’s preferences without offending your dads!

View Quoted Comment This is great insight!! Thank you so much! I’m hoping if I talk with my planner and my photographer way ahead of time there won’t be any awkwardness. Thanks again

View Quoted Comment Thank you! My FH has a very estranged relationship with his dads wife so I think maybe skipping the family processional will be a good option for us. Thanks

Why must they be incorporated into it? Being a guest with no responsibilities is great. Focus on making it a nice experience for all your guests, and let them enjoy the wedding without having to do anything.

View Quoted Comment The mothers are escorted to their seats after the grandmothers. In each case, unless Dad is with you, the husband or SO, walks right behind the usher and GM or step mother. This is not part of the procession. This is the last seating during the prelude. After this there is a pause, then the processional music plays, and the procession begins. The seating of the grand parents and parents, Gm or SM with escort, is not considered being in the wedding. You are a family guest.

My stepmom got a bout (she asked for a bout, not a corsage, because she knew it would be very warm), she was in pictures, helped me get ready, and was named in the program.

But, I have a closer relationship with her than you with your stepmother.

Have them sit up front with the families, give them flowers, and let it be.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I think that’s what I’m going to do! Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Yeah I think talking with the photographer and my planner will be a good way to make sure everyone is on the same page! Thanks for the advice!