Sober weddings?

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Lee, I was reading through all the posts again and perhaps you should ask yourself: "I am 14 years sober, will I risk it?" Your wedding is a year out so that is plenty of time to make and or change a decision. I would think your family would be supportive of your dry wedding idea as they are supportive of your sobriety. If not I question if they should be at your wedding. You are right, it is much more than willpower. I just got back from Vegas (solo!) and I stayed at a hotel next to a 24 hour Liquor Mart (welcome to Vegas!) I was never tempted but that was me - I did go in to buy a diet soda though! LOL! Some people in recovery would never do that, I understand that as well. Perhaps some of your guests may not attend if there is liquor, but remember: You can't control them nor do you want to, They may bring a flask in, they may not. You just never know.....and that I know you know!!!

Best wishes and do keep us posted!

View Quoted Comment If you didn't have guests, there would be no reception necessary. Therefore, the comfort if the couple's guest should be first in their priorities in hosting the reception.

Now, do I walk into a reception saying "hey everyone, this is for me!!"? No. I walk in looking forward to celebrating with the couple, with them keeping the comfort of their guests in mind. I honestly don't always expect alcohol. It's nice, but if I find out it's not there it will not be the end of my relationship with the newly married couple.

I am interested by your statement that says "I never expected anything." I'm sure if you're invited to a wedding at a meal time, you would at least be expecting to be served a meal...

Nor would I judge them for the lack of alcohol under the circumstances.

Sorry for the typos in the previous message, but I think it gets the point across.

View Quoted Comment No. I have been to a wedding around meal time with no food, but we were told ahead of time. I got food on the way to the site. In my life, if someone gets to have a dress and photos taken on something other than a phone, you are lucky. So I guess my family and friends have different expectations.

That being said, I do intend to have a meal and alcohol at my wedding, as well as a dress and photographer.

View Quoted Comment As wonderful as that would be, that really isn't how it works.

I hate sober weddings, but in your situation I would highly recommend it to stay sober.

View Quoted Comment Thanks so much! I really appreciate and love your prespective. I also thought Vegas was a gas.

View Quoted Comment I guess flexibility is all anyone can hope for out of life.

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Yep - everyone is different in their journeys. I have a co-worker who won't go "go for a drink" as she she is too tempted - I get that. I will say "Let's go for a drink!" when all I mean, for me, is iced tea. It sounds like your issue is not really a dry wedding vs. open bar but unsupportive family members who are hell bent on whooping it up. Is your wedding going to be a dance? That can be a harder situation to not have alcohol at; a dinner at a restaurant with no dance might be a better choice.

Best wishes!

Hey Lee and MaltedMilk - I'm another fellow sister in sobriety.
Our guests are all sober, except for about 6 family members/old friends who drink. We're thinking of offering beer/wine, but I need to talk to them about pricing. The venue charges $8/pp for the soda package, and $20 for open beer & wine, and $26 for full liquor. I don't want to pay $20/pp for everyone, when only a half dozen will partake! But we're meeting Monday to discuss.

My family has always been supportive, and I think they'd be fine if we had a dry wedding. But I think we're ok with having beer & wine. I think the ones who would drink would only have 1 -3, and the family who drinks to excess is probably not coming - so that would solve that!

Best wishes to you, and make the decision that's best for you, FH and your guests.

View Quoted Comment That is a good point.!
I guess I am mostly just fearful of how wild people may get. I need to remember that thought this is my and my FH day it is really in my HP's hands.

View Quoted Comment The limited package seems like a good idea. I have family that brings a 40 rack to Thanksgiving and it's just for them. I hate seeing them do that it's so painful to watch. Gotta love solution based thinking over letting fear run the show.
Much love.

I went to a cash bar wedding once and everyone went out to their cars to drink hard liquor then came back in to party. Because they weren’t going through be bartender, they got super drunk, there was underage drinking, and many people couldn’t drive their own cars home. It was a mess.

People are inconsiderate. They want to drink, and they will. Going through a bartender is one way to make it safe.

I think you have a very good reason, and your guests should be supportive of your decision.

There's nothing wrong with having an alcohol-free wedding for any reason. But it does bring a different vibe to the party, and the couple has to be okay with that. There might be less dancing and a shorter night, but you're right that you don't need alcohol to have a great wedding. Stand your ground and tell people you're proud of your sobriety and don't want to serve alcohol. The people who care about you shouldn't be questioning that.

It is absolutely your right to have a sober wedding, especially if there will be people who are important to you who have struggled with addiction. Just let your guests know ahead of time and if they try to make a stink about it mention that it’s out of respect for family members (you don’t have to say who) who are in recovery. That should shut them down.

There are also plenty of fun alternatives to having alcohol at your wedding, like a smoothie bar or a diy lemonade stand with different flavors to mix.

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Yep - you are correct that the day belongs to you and future hubby. You can't control how others will act, with or without drinking. You do need to be considerate of your guests (I know you will be) and that means a variety of drinks, most likely N/A. If you family who like to party want to leave and drink, so be it. Oh well. Too bad that they are choosing to leave than stay and celebrate.

View Quoted Comment Amen. Gotta let go and let GD.

View Quoted Comment You are totally right. Going through the bartender is really the smartest option.

View Quoted Comment Oh those are some really creative ideas!

We are having a cash bar. I do not want to pay for people to get drunk and I especially do not want to be able to be held responsible for anyone drinking and driving.