Sober weddings?

I am also having a dry wedding and this post has been very interesting! It's amazing how people expect alcohol. I had not considered people trying to sneak alcohol in and it makes me wonder about my guest list and if the people im inviting would care so little about me. I also wonder who a wedding is for. I assumed it was for me and my FH but if that was the case then we would elope so we should consider our guests but to what degree?

View Quoted Comment I wouldn't equate sneaking in alcohol with not caring about you.

The ceremony is for you. The reception is to thank your guests for attending.

View Quoted Comment I think it has been pretty much consensus on here that if you truly want a wedding that is all about you and your FS, elope is the way. Once you start inviting guests, it really does become another story. You hear the phrase "no one cares more about your wedding than you and your FS" is totally true (and maybe some family members). Guests are excited to celebrate this milestone with you, but their concern for their comfort is always going to be priority to them.

Upon consideration, this is probably not a good forum for this question. Wedding Wire has continually supported the idea that drinking is an activity. One that is not only socially acceptable but mandatory at weddings. I am sorry for that.

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately this was taken down. Here's the thing, if you say I should put someone's life at risk for the sake of etiquette, then that's what I think. I dig complicated ideas, or just not knowing much about alcoholism but standing flat footed and saying that *you must* have alcohol, regardless of anything else, or you're rude? Yeah. I got no respect for that.

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Again, not one person has ever said “sure put so so And so’s life at risk. Yeah alcohol”.... absolutely no one would condone putting guests’ lives and safety at risk. However there’s a reason you hire bartenders, and you trust them and your venue to ensure guests don’t over intoxicate, thus risking their safety. A licensed and insured bartender and venue is absolutely not going to allow guests to become smashed, our venue doesn’t even allow shots. Their policy is actually strict in regards to alcohol consumption.

I’ve seen users receive support when it’s a dry wedding for recovery and religious reasons.

I know about alcoholism... I know it’s nearly impossible to never be around it. Again, No one is standing flat footed saying to risk guests’ safety. OP’s post started out saying it’s a triggering thing for some guests, we said ok. No one bullied her or was rude, they were actually supportive and offered suggestions. OP then switched to say she just didn’t want to pay for alcohol, thus causing some confusion. It’s also utterly absurd to equate those that do enjoy a glass of wine or beer at a celebration as alcoholics. Which I’ve seen countless times on this site. Enjoying alcoholic beverages at celebrations, doesn’t make one an alcoholic.

I don’t drink, neither does FH, but our friends do. We have friends going through recovery, we asked for their guidance regarding serving alcohol.

View Quoted Comment Yes. All the time. I've been to dry weddings where we fill up purses filled with flasks, purse wine, and cans of beer.

If you and your guests are really truly that early on in recovery that you will be triggered by watching others drink please hire security or a DOC and a few bridal attendants will to do these searches. Pat people down, search bags, etc.

if you are really doing this because cause you are triggered that easily please don't risk a relapse by being in view of those drinking. Since this is a big transition so early on in your recovery please keep in contact with your counselor or sponser or whoever supports you. Transitions are a big stressor (albeit typically a good stressor) and that is prime time for relapse. Good luck with your journey.

I have a history of severe alcoholism in my family so I am biased but I would say that there is a big difference between being in recovery and worrying about being triggered, personally, and just not wanting alcohol for other reasons.

I am not an alcoholic but I have seen others work so so insanely hard through recovery and have their lives totally saved BY SOBRIETY and I, as a guest, would absolutely put their sobriety before myself as a guest. Will all guests do that? Unfortunately not. But I would hope the bride feels comfortable enough to have a conversation with her nearest and dearest and ask for them to support her own well being and health on HER wedding day. Yes, she may need to consider other measures because no everyone will. But I'd hope those who love her could support and help her in this specific case.

I get that the reception is to thank guests, but really if someone is worried about their sobriety- that is so, so, so big. That is life changing and in some cases life-saving. I would hope you can approach loved ones with your concerns and they'd be willing to work with you.

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This! So well put. Please don't risk a relapse!

View Quoted Comment That is so awful. But what are the chances of you having seen that the day before I asked this question?

View Quoted Comment I am less worried about me that I am of some of the other people in my network.
Tha

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Actually I witnessed it at two weddings i attended...

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your super good response. I really appreciate your input!

View Quoted Comment I am saddened by that. I have never attended a wedding thinking a reception is "about me." I thought it was about celebrating the new union with the couple. I never expected anything and was always grateful for having been invited and for whatever was provided to me as a guest.

View Quoted Comment I had no idea. I guess that is pretty naive of me. Oh well I've really enjoyed what you have had to say 💚

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I think that is so considerate of you. I know it may seem to like putting the needs of some guests before others but this may very well be in the realm of accommodating a health/well-being issue, rather than an etiquette issue (to me, anyway). As the wedding couple- it is your wedding and your choice (another contentious topic, admittedly) on how you choose to follow etiquette. Be ready for some to be very put out.

For what it's worth, my aunt and uncle have been a huge support as people who are sober 25+ years to younger people going through recovery and the support and community is so, so important. That you are trying to be part of that support to your guests in recovery is touching.

Like I said- I'm clearly very biased but I do personally think this situation allows for some wiggle room and discussions rather than following etiquette by the letter. Many will absolutely disagree with me.

View Quoted Comment It's a dead shame the original post was taken down because I wasn't directing at anyone. I was directing at theoretical people would think me rude for how I deal with *my own* (read: not her) hypothetical problem.
Alcoholism is deadly. It will probably kill my brother. If he needed me to have a have a sober wedding to help him get/stay sober, it would be life or death. Every decision we make about drinking with/around him is.
You wouldn't tell someone having their reception at in a Baptist Fellowship Hall that they were rude not to serve alcohol, right? No, because you're a reasonable person. Personally, I put this in the same category.

View Quoted Comment I have been so lucky to have 14 fantastic years clean and sobe. Thankfully the obsession to drink has left me. I can not assume that is true for all of my guests. Everything I have in life is because I had people around who supported me and my recovery. I don't feel like it is right for me to chance the well being of my fellows of etiquette. We are talking about a life and death issue. I can't imagine that etiquette would call for me to risk people's lives just because some people would like to have some booze or less then the usual amount of booze.

View Quoted Comment Very good point. I think I had the opportunity to read what you wrote.
I also think that it is very common for people to think it is all just a matter of will with our type. It is not. It is about so much more. To think that people will just be able to deal with it is to think we can just take it or leave it it is not always the case.
Thank you for your service to your brother and to people like me. Please remember that there is services for friends and family, y'all need support too. ♥️

I'm not having alcohol, simply because fh and I don't like it. Most people who know me are not surprised and although they enjoy drinking and have alcohol at their weddings and such they've respected my choice and still plan to come. The worst anybody has said is "aww come on" to which I said nope not having it. And then they were fine. Honestly, more people have freaked out that I'm not doing cake (still doing dessert just not a cake) then the alcohol part. If someone actually gets snarky, I'd just mention that the point of the day is to celebrate the love of you and your soon to be spouse and really they can get a drink anytime they want, your just just not giving them one on this occasion. (That's what I do in the cake situation)