Slightly irritated about thank you notes...

FH and I are a young couple and we're definitely sending thank you cards! I think it's just flat out rude not to send one. I even sent my dad a long hand written thank you note when he sent me a check for the venue. Maybe some people just aren't taught the correct etiquette

My sons are 8 and 12-- they send and receive thank you notes regularly, so it's not out of fashion. Some people are just twits. I went to my younger brother's wedding in August and haven't received a thank you note. I teased him on Facebook, then sent an email 'just making sure he got the gift certificate', then ratted him out to his mom (we are half siblings). Nothing. Sigh....

I sent ours out at about 4-5 weeks. I don't mind if I don't get them for Christmas or Bday gifts from the kids but I expect them for a shower or wedding gift! I even gave TY notes to BM's at the rehearsal dinner with a handwritten note telling them how much I love them and appreciate them. They will are teary eyed.

I am glad I am not alone in my irritation about this, also glad to know that it's not a new fad to not send thank yous.

You're definitely not alone and it's definitely not a new fad. Thank you note writing really is a social skill and some people suck at it or don't care to become better at it. It's still baffling when it comes to a wedding/shower because those are events for which everyone knows thank you cards are expected and required etiquette-wise.

For the record, it's never too late to send a thank you note. If your ty notes are seriously late and that still haunts you, write them ASAP and begin with a 1-sentence apology. Don't give any excuses. Just continue on with your note.

Sample wording: Please accept our sincere apology for the lateness of this note. We want you to know how very much we appreciate the beautiful wine glasses you gave us. We used them to toast our first night in our new home! Thank you also for joining us to celebrate our wedding day. Having you there meant the world to us.

People who were irritated at not receiving a note will admire you for owning up

I was thinking about this post on Friday evening. It wasn't until then that i realized I didn't get a thank-you card from the couple whose wedding I went to in October.

I...I don't care. Like, at all.

I am getting married in October and we are not doing thank you cards. I feel that enough paper has gone out in the process of this wedding that sending a card that will just end up in the trash is wasteful and unnecessary. I am however going to thank everyone who gave a gift individually either with a phone call, email, or facebook message (depending on our most common method of communication/ their age). It would be nice if someone could explain to me why that is any less appropriate. His mom is pitching a fit.

I got married in September and my husband and I HATE the idea of thank you cards. After writing 150 of them they all start to sound the same and feel more like a chore than an actual thoughtful thank you. We decided instead to visit or call those who helped us and bought us gifts to say thank you and have a genuine conversation with them. A couple of the older guests (grandparents and parents) were upset they didn't get an actual card. Personally, I think the cards are impersonal even if you hand write each one. I wish thank you cards would disappear. I don't care to get a standard thank you and a "let's make plans soon". I'd rather visit and see what the gift was used for and talk to the couple about how life is going.

It's proper etiquette. I don't know anyone who's received a thank you note who didn't appreciate it. I do every time I get them. No, I don't keep them, but I do read them. No, I don't hold grudges against people who don't write them and I don't sit fuming by the mail box waiting to receive them, but come on, it's proper etiquette. It's really a shame how things like thank you notes are considered old fashioned and a burden. They're important, they don't take much time, and they're not that hard to do. I just put on Netflix, pour myself some wine, and sit down and get them done...

No, you don't have to write thank you notes, but people also don't have to go to someone's wedding either. Or spend a lot on a gift.

I believe it’s ok for people to send them within 6 months of the wedding. Especially if they are old fashion, they are busy honeymooning and combing lives.

View Quoted Comment This was 8.5 years ago. I never did get a thank you. Haha. Maybe they are still busy honeymooning. 😆

View Quoted Comment Actually, they are due asap upon receipt of a gift. Six months is obviously better than nothing, but it’s too long. Aside from expressing appreciation another purpose of sending notes is to let the giver know it’s been received. If I mail something and haven’t heard back in a reasonable amount of time, or a check is never deposited I reach out.

Most people don't even get their wedding photos back within 2 months to include on the thank you card. It seems a little crazy to pass judgement on someone for not doing that immediately after planning a huge wedding. If your just looking for validation on your generosity that's not really the reason behind getting someone a gift..

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Two or three months is already plenty of time. I've received the great majority of notes within that time, often less. People only want to know that their gift has been received and that their effort is appreciated. Waiting for photos is not considered an acceptable reason to delay thank you notes.

View Quoted Comment Again, this was 8.5 years ago now, still no thank you note. I sure hope they aren't still waiting on photos.

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Haha.. yikes! Well hopefully this is a one off situation. I more so meant for the other people in the thread saying how they were talking behind peoples backs for getting there's out at 4 months.. seems this thread lost it's way with how harsh people are getting about something that is supposed to be out of the goodness of your heart. Not discounting that it's rude to not send a thank you note or wait an extremely significant amount of time. But keep in mind how stressful the wedding industry is post COVID and that people need a break to recover and get their head right after the stress of a wedding, not to mention how much they pay per head to have guests there.

I got married about two months ago now (Sept 16) and only just got my photos back from the photographer. Now we are just buying the cards, have to get them delivered, and still have to write thank yous. By the time they get to people I am guessing it will look like 3 months out from the wedding date. That is pretty standard now.

View Quoted Comment Agree completely with this. The majority of thank you cards we have received were sent immediately after the wedding, no later than 3 months and none had to wait for custom photos. They were standard blank cards found at Walmart or Target which get the job done. Waiting for professional photos is not a legitimate reason to delay sending them. Include the photos in your holiday cards instead.


Just because something is commonly done now that is a newer thing that the older generations are upset by doesn’t make it polite. Manners and etiquette are becoming a lost art that a growing number of people believe doesn’t apply to them unfortunately.

View Quoted Comment You have it backwards. It’s out of sentiment and the goodness of their hearts that people go out of their way to give wedding gifts. The least one can do is make the effort to write a note to acknowledge appreciation and that it got there in a timely way.


If someone did a significant kindness to you in everyday life would you wait 4,5, or 6 months to thank them? Of course not. Everyone understands that people are busy after a wedding, possibly on a homeymoon and with a lot of notes to write, but again just get it done.