Slightly irritated about thank you notes...

Lack of home training!!!...I don't care how old you are, that is not an excuse. I think it is fucking rude!!! Sorry but I don't blame you for being annoying. This is not a fad so please don't follow suit.

My MOH was 20 when she got married and she hand wrote all of her thank you notes with very sweet messages. I intend to do the same. It's not very fair to blame it on the generation. That bride and groom were just lazy and rude.

I still haven't sent mine. Whoops

IMO thank you notes are a nice gesture. But when they become an obligation and people are offended when they don't receive them, this takes away from how nice it is to get one.

They just have horrible etiquette.

To not send thank you notes means you're going to get some serious side eye and people are going to talk. I thought it was very odd that I didn't get a thank you note for close to 6 months after a shower especially since I gave a very nice gift (and wasn't invited to the wedding).

Thank you notes are a must especially for a wedding. They're expected and appreciated.

I always thought the deadline, etiquette-wise, was to send them within 3 months of the wedding. I will try to get them all out within 2 months, but I think it's understandable if you can't. I do, however, think it's unacceptable to skip them. I was a BM for my good friend a couple years ago, flew cross country to be in her wedding, spent on the hotel, went in on a very generous gift with our other good friend who was also a BM -- and she never sent thank you notes to either of us, which we both found very odd. I'm guessing she just skipped anyone who was in the bridal party, thinking that the BM gifts she gave was thank you enough? I don't know...I wouldn't say I was irritated, but I certainly took notice, and still find it strange.

I think they're just rude. I'm in the younger generation and I couldn't imagine not sending thank you cards.

I'm 22, and FH is 23. We will definitely be sending out thank yous after the shower and wedding. It's most definitely not something that the younger generation has adopted, at least not where I'm from.

Edited: Typo

I have my shower sunday, i will send thank you notes out maybe wendesday....

i would say at 2 months at the most. its common etiquette

@purple kitten I'm sorry but I respectfully disagree. For a wedding usually guests send a gift in a mail or they bring the gift to the wedding. It is not the same as a friend personally giving you a gift and you opening it in front of them and thanking them on the spot. Not sending a thank you card is very inconsiderate because it is failing to acknowledge this generous and nice gesture that someone made. How do they know if you actually got their gift and that you appreciate it. I certainly hope that it doesn't become socially acceptable to just forgo thank you notes.

I'm still doing mine.... *hides*

I feel really bad. It's just taken me ages. I keep messing them up and having to start over. My handwriting is like a dogs breakfast. But I have gone to the effort of getting any pro photos of the individual guests printed as well as group photos and including them in the envelope with the card which I think people will like. They are all done now, just gotta address them and get them out. Finally.

Edit: Also just remembered I lost a month after the wedding with the work permit being in limbo not sure if I was getting on a plane to Canada the next day or not.

@Mrs. T you're doing a lot better than the past three weddings I've attended. No worries! The personal touch will be appreciated.

Another thought I had after reading some of the other comments: saying please and thank you are not just nice gestures they are part of good manners and yes are socially expected so that people get along with each other. Sometimes we need to do what is the right and expected thing to do even if it isn't convenient to us or it feels forced maybe because perhaps you didn't like the gift that much.

I did a friend's ceremony decor, got a gift and was helping her plan for 3 months and didnt get a thank you! She even asked me to send the pictures I took! The nerve...

@purplekitten: I think comparing a small b-day gift given in person to a friend and thanking them with a hug right then and there is totally different than a wedding/shower/graduation thank you. Someone not only took the time and money to buy you a gift, but to come to your event, and likely you weren't able to properly thank them in person. At the wedding, you have just a few minutes with each guest and barely enough time to thank them for coming to the wedding and likely you haven't opened the card they brought. So they weren't thank for their gift in person. Therefore, need to be thanked after the event.

I was brought up to always send thank you notes when we couldn't properly thank them in person. For example, relatives who mailed Christmas gifts always, without a doubt, got a handwritten thank you note. Christmas gifts received in person did not. Even in college when FMIL sent me gifts, I sent a handwritten note. I sent all the WW ladies that sent me a virtual shower gift got a handwritten note.

On the other hand, its definitely a dying thing unfortunately. I received a virtual shower thank you card, but other than that I'm pretty sure the last thank you note I got was from a friend's wedding over 5 years ago and that was sent out like 6 months after the fact. Oh and a generic postcard from my cousin.

Your guests have traveled, taken time off work, and spent lots of money to celebrate with you and gift you something. You can take 5 minutes and write a heart-felt thank you.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Smith,

Thank you for your generous gift of________. We are so excited to use this gift because_________. We are so thrilled that you were able to make it to the wedding to celebrate with us- we don't see you often enough and I loved seeing your dance moves/catching up/ chatting during dinner/whatever. Can't wait to see you again soon!

Love,

Margaret and Stephen

Erica and Brian, the tradition is the guests have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift, etiquette says thank you cards should be sent before the 12th week after the wedding (which the obvious except being that if you receive a gift more than 12 weeks after the wedding, then you should send a thank you as soon as possible). I don't think its an age thing. In addition to our wedding last year, we attended 3 other weddings. We received a thank you card from the bride and groom that were 3. The other brides were 40 and 38 and neither of those brides sent a thank you card (at this point, both have been married over a year). It is even more annoying not getting a thank you card because I essentially planned both those wedding. For one I "gifted" the bride and groom the wedding cake, bouquets for the bride, maid of honor and 2 bridesmaids as well as getting her daughter (the flower girl) the flower girl basket (with "throwing" petals) as well as something for the bride and the flower girl to wear in their hair. I final bride (that didn't send a thank you card) specifically asked me what the etiquette is as her step mother had been asking when she was going to send out thank you cards. (I even hoped that I could "lead by example" by getting my cards out ASAP. They were in the mail less than 8 weeks after our wedding).

I agree, it's irritating. I'm a firm believer in sending thank you notes. I just don't hold my breath anymore that others will do the same.

I've gotten thank you notes before. But I still have to send one to someone who sent money in a congratulations card for our wedding when we sent the STDs in February...I keep forgetting. I know its an excuse, but it got sent 7 months ahead of time and my brain isn't in thank you card mode yet.

Sorry, everyone gets a handwritten thank you note; I write dozens of them every week; it doesn't take that long and it really means a lot.

That is awful - there is no excuse not to send thank you notes. It's simply rude and lazy.

Anytime up to 3 months after the wedding is fine etiquette-wise. Beyond that is a long time, but a little late is better than nothing at all.

The "one year to send thank you notes" is not true at all. It's a myth that keeps getting repeated for some stupid reason. I mean seriously- who would think a thank you note a YEAR later is acceptable??