Slight Future sister in law agitation

Set boundaries. If she doesn't come that's her choice. Good luck.

I think this is something you're going to have to do, especially since this is your FH's brother and his new family.

If the mom is in town anyway, she should be able to take care of the baby for a few hours...at home. IMO, this is your FH'S brother's wife's mom....that's pretty far removed from you. It may be an UO, but you shouldn't feel obligated at all to invite her on the basis of being a baby sitter. ETA: one of my FH best friend (who is in the BP) will have a brand new baby when we get married, the in laws that are in town are going to look after him while they are participating

If it's important that your sister in law to be there, invite the SIL's mom. It's not like she's asking to invite 10 extra people to help her out with the baby. Yes it's irritating that she isn't asking and instead demanding, but in the grand scheme of the whole wedding it doesn't seem like a major inconvenience to you to pay for another person to have dinner

ETA I also agree with cierra that some boundaries need to be set with her otherwise this will probably continue

I would suggest figuring out what's important to you. I would invite her but not her mom. She needs to make that choice about what to do

@Lillian, if the mom nursing without a bottle, she can't just leave the baby home.

Why does she need her husband and mother to help her take care of a newborn? It does not take 3 people. Newborn babies sleep most of the time. Sounds like she is just being demanding. I wouldn't say no but I get why you would be annoyed.

Is your FH's brother in the wedding party? That would be a reason that he can't help.

I don't mean don't allow the baby to attend, because I think a baby that young should be allowed to come to the wedding. But, I also think that if you have a baby, you should be prepared to take care of him/her for a few hours without a 3rd party (her husband will also be at the wedding and can provide assistance if necessary)

Also, wedding party activities really only encompass the pre ceremony and ceremony. And even then, the groomsmen rarely take the amount of time that the bridesmaids do to get ready. The husband should ideally be available to assist during the reception.

Personally, I think the OP is just being a little petty, since she said it "wouldn't be a big deal" with anyone else, but it's a problem for her fiance's brother.

Yes I do feel like I'm being a little petty. I feel like there is always some kind of request coming from her. For her it's a "invite my mother or else I won't come" kind of attitude. Which is a little annoying to me.

She's just going to have a baby, I don't see the problem with adding an invite unless it goes over what the venue will allow. Honestly is it really that important to get all emotional over? Personally I would swallow my pride and just invite her

Stand your ground. It's unnecessary to invite FSIL's mother especially if you don't know her. Me, personally I wouldn't even want to bring a new born to a wedding anyway.

ETA: I just read your post above mine...if she doesn't come she just doesn't come. Fuck her. Who does she think she is?

Even if FH brother is in the wedding that doesn't mean he can't help. The only time he'll be busy is after the ceremony to take pictures. I also agree that having her Mom watch the baby at home is an option. She can pump and get some bottles together. It's not that hard. Woman do it all the time. She's just being needy.

Exactly Erin. I damn sure wouldn't invite her mother. I would send invites to the FSIL and FBIL then if she comes then she just does. Nobody is worshiping the ground she walks all over because she request something.

We are finding a babysitter through care.com (so they are trustworthy) and letting them take care of the little ones in the bridal suite while the reception is going on. My best friend from college (who is in the wedding) and a good friend have toddlers, and will be traveling to upstate NY from Maryland so of course they will have to bring their kids. But I think having a babysitter take care of the kids will allow them to enjoy themselves more (and possibly later). The great thing about the bridal suite is that the parents can go check on their kiddos whenever they want to during the reception.

@ Erin: There are some babies who won't take bottles...

I don't understand why she is so insistent that her mom be there. The baby will already have grandparents there, right? I get that having her mom would be easier for her because the mom's only job would be the baby... but I know people who have been bridesmaids with newborns and they were fine.

It's your wedding and let your FH know, hey I will invite your sister but I'm not inviting HER mother in law. It's a take it or leave it type of thing. Don't feel bad either, it's YOUR wedding!

Why can't she take care of her own child?! I'd say no if it were me. Seems like shes a princess, demanding things.