skipping the proposal

I honestly dont think the proposal is that important. We have been together for 5 years now and after 3 months were already talking about getting married and with 9 months were pregnant. We never felt the need to rush out and get married but always planned on it. And when he did finally ask me officaly there was no real difference in the life we already living and it wasnt some big proposal of my dreams for one i new he spent alot of money on my Valentines day gift. Cause i handle the bills. and basicly that morning we were getting ready to go out to breakfast and he hands it to me and say here will you marry me now then we went to IHOP lol not my idea of a dream proposal. Of coarse i wish he had been more romantic about it but I could careless

I've never really gotten the concept of the proposal. If the two of you have agreed to get married, you're engaged. It makes no sense to me that he has to ask--after the two of you already know you are getting married--and that a ring has to be involved. It's also quite sexist, since it means that he has to save up for an expensive ring before he can propose, while she can get engaged without saving up for it.

The first time around, my then boyfriend called me up on the phone, while I was at my office, to propose. He didn't have a ring, because we knew we were just going to get a diamond I had inherited reset for my engagement ring. And while there were a lot of reasons the marriage ended 20 years later, the form of the proposal was not one of them.

The second time, I blurted out something like, "So what would you think of the idea of getting married?" NotFroofy accepted, we agreed that neither of us really wanted an engagement ring, and that was it.

I have also been with Fh for 5 years. However, for more than 4 of those years he said he was not sure he would ever get married again. We talked about it a lot..A LOT. Then one day, I just quit talking about it and that's when he decided he wanted to get married. it was basically discussed, not proposed. However, on the way hm from buying my ring, he looked at me in the truck and said

'So...you wanna marry me?" I laughed and said sure. Of course I wish it had been a little more romantic or at least more of a formal question(I actually thought he was just playing around at first) But the important thing is that we are getting married to each other. And that's the story I love to tell the most.

I didn't get the proposal of my dreams He just said after dinner "You should Marry Me" lol I looked at him and asked if he was serious he said "very serious" lol. So, technically I didnt get the proposal of my dreams but I'm marrying the man of my dreams and thats what counts =)

My FH and I had been together for about a year before we began discussing marriage, he had stated throughout that first year he never wanted to get married...I never really pushed it, I accepted we could be together and love each other without being married...then one day, as it neared our one year anniversary, we had been out for a couple drinks, and on the way home he asked, "so, if we were to get married how would you want to do it". That opened the line of communication, and after 4 months of conversations, he simply asked, "will you marry me"? at home one night....of course I said yes and the ring came later

I don't believe the "how" matters very much. I get to marry my best friend, that's what matters

I am going to be the lone voice of dissent here... having *been there and done that*, I have to say it DOES matter. I know right now, caught up in the moment and feeling, it may not matter, or seem to bother you. But as the years wear on, and you get asked by your kids, new friends you meet, etc... it will become this little nagging thing you wish you had done. Everytime you watch a movie with THE *dream* proposal, you had always hoped for, it will bother you. After living with years of regret and sadness, that we hadn't given more care and thought to that one simple right of passage, I am making sure not to overlook it's significance this time.

I'm a little bummed I didn't get "properly" proposed to. I'm a romantic kind of person though. I'm happy to be marrying a wonderful man but it would have been nice.

I agree with TheFutureMrsJTW I was married before and didn't have a real proposal. I always felt exactly like she said every time I saw a movie or thought about it, or when someone asked. I didn't get that great of one this time either so I'm hoping he'll make up for it lol!

I have to disagree strongly with TheFutureMrsJTW. I didn't get "properly" proposed too and I couldn't care less! I'm not the type of girl who's "dreamed" of her proposal/wedding/etc. So when we were sitting in bed one night and he gave me a big hug and asked me if I would marry him, it seemed perfect. I seriously don't understand why a proposal is supposed to be some grand gesture and surprise. I honestly think I would have hated being completely surprised by a proposal. I feel like that's something for the couple to discuss, not something for the man to decide on his own. I strongly disagree that it will become something that someone regrets for the rest of their life. It doesn't matter to me what the proposal was like, we're going to be together and that's what matters. We have a lifetime to be together, why let one moment bother you for the rest of your life?

Sarah, I think it all depends on the person. You obviously are fine with it, but some people- like myself, and obviously I am not the only one, feel differently. I don't think there is a *right* or wrong answer. There is no such thing as "properly" proposed to, and I never said there was. It is only what is right in your heart and between you too. I do agree, *marriage* should be discussed at length before ANYONE endeavors to propose. I would not want someone springing *that* on me out of the blue. But how a couple decides to handle it from that point forward is between them. I can only speak for myself, when I say it is *important* TO me, that a proposal actually happen. The question here was about *skipping* the proposal altogether, not on *how* it was done necessarily.

I feel the way TheFutureMrsJTW feels. And yes, the post is about skipping the proposal all together.

FH and I have been together for 9 years. After being together for a while, like 5 years or something like that, we talked about marriage. He just saw it as a piece of paper. Eventually he warmed up to the idea of getting married and having an actual wedding reception.

I was stoked. Especially since he finally agreed to my dream venue. I wanted him to pick the ring. He wanted me to pick it. We thought about it from a practical stand point - It's a costly purchase and he wanted me to be happy since I'm the one wearing it.

So we went window shopping for it and I picked one. He bought the ring and we went together to get it sized and picked up. We took our engagement pictures and I kept trying to patient... thinking he'll officially ask me. (More like I'm looking for him to tell me how much he cares and how much he loves me and that he wants to

...to be continued

Spend the rest of his life with me.)

Every trip we take, every holiday, every significant date has come and passed and no proposal.

I have talked to him about it on many occasions. I've told him that it's important to me. And I've realized that I have two options... okay, maybe 3.

1. propose to him (no thanks.)

2. talk to him again (been there. done that. next...)

3. let it go

I decided to let it go... but I can't convince my heart and head to let it go.

I'm with Sarah M, I have to disagree with JTW, I didn't get a "proposal" and it doesn't matter to me because the way FH did it was very intimate and personal, we came from a banquet and we were arguing over something, I apologize and we started talking, just out of the blue, he said we need to be realistic and get married in 2 years, we've discussed marriage before but had never put a time stamp on it, and said are you serious, he said yes I'm asking you to marry me, you want me to get on my knees and propose?, we talked about it and we both agreed that 2 years was fine, it was a decision that we both agreed on and that's really how I think it should be (IMO).

Truth of the matter is when someone ask or whatever, all I have to say is "he ask and I said yes" that's all they need to know. IF they feel like it wasn't "romantic" enough, that's their business 'cause at the end of the day I'm marrying the man of my dreams and that's what counts.

TheFutureMrsJTW first post was well put in describing how I feel and why it's important to me.

Yes, I know, it's not about the grand moment. It's about marrying my best friend. But I can't help feeling the way I do. I'm not saying he needs to rent a hot air balloon and tux and write my name in the sky. Nor am I saying he needs to take me to Paris and propose at the eiffel tower.

And at the risk of getting a verbal lashing from everyone... For those that have gotten proposed to, it's easier for you to say it doesn't matter. I'm not saying it's the be all end all. I'm sure for some, it truly doesn't matter.

I don't know. Now I'm just rambling. I'm just not sure how to let it go. I've tried really hard to just tell myself it's not a big deal. It's about FH and I spending the rest of life together...

Like Sarah M said "We have a lifetime to be together, why let one moment bother you for the rest of your life?", if you really love that person I think you should learn to let go of it and not resent the person for it.

Like I said before, IMO it should be a mutual decision between the two, have you ever watch a game where guys try to propose on national tv, make a big scene and the girl just walk away, say no? and The guys that try to ask in front of friends and family and get a big embarrassement, well I've seen those and I'm sure those guys would've been better off discussing it in private first.

And one more thing, FH didn't have to get me a ring either cause neither of us wear jewelery so there was no need for that and we won't be wearing any.

Dh and I were together a year and some change when we started discussing marriage. We had basically decided it was something we wanted to do so for a while we considered ourselves "engaged" even though he didn't technically propose. He did formally ask when he got the ring but we had already talked about it at length before that point.

Sometimes I wish there was some grand gesture like you see on TV but I don't think it means he loves me any less. I don't resent him for it at all because he's not big on PDA anyway. But it would've been nice

Well, we bought my ring together, I knew when he was picking it up, he just made me a nice dinner and gave me my ring. after while we where changing I realized he never asked me to marry him, so i made him ask. so He got down on one knee while in his boxerbriefs and asked. it was pretty funny. I like having had a proposal because now we have a story to tell when people ask, "so how did he propose?"

I think to each his own........We were at the mall and FH said "there's the jewlery store" so I said "Oh Yeah" LOL. I picked out my ring had the jewler put it in the box and when we got home I told him he needed to properly ask me. He did on my kitchen floor

@ Shellie D and Vanilla_Nut - those are great stories! I'm sure it puts a smile on your face every time you think about it.

I have to really disagree with TheFutureMrsJTW because I didn't get my "dream" proposed. Heck, I didn't even get a ring when he proposed. It was the fact of when he did it, you can tell he meant it with all his heart. I woke up in the morning with him rubbing my hair and holding me in his arms. I thought something was wrong so I kept asking if there was something wrong, and he said that he wanted to tell me something, but not to worry about it. After bugging him about it that is when he asked me. Simple and to the point, but yet very memorable. What really matters is that he wants to spend his life with you.