Sister in law drama!!!!

What is her reasoning for eloping early?

Say no to hosting the shower, she is already married.

No, you're not crazy. Why is she eloping beforehand? Sounds like she wants to be married already but still get her "pretty princess day". Will the guests know she's already been married so long?

You're not crazy. It is weird. Unless there is some cultural reason for it, you get one wedding. It's the legal ceremony. Anything after that isn't a wedding.

What does the rest of the family think? Are they okay with all of this?

ETA: What's their reason for eloping?

No, she's making the decision to get married and elope. She can have a vow renewal in November but you don't get the whole 9 yards at that point.

No you aren't crazy. Do you want to back out? If you do would it cause lots of drama? If you can't back out then I would participate in as little as possible. I hate the thought of you spending so much money when she's already married and all of this is just for show. She's essentially spending your money for you so that she can have her big fancy party, and that's not ok.

She doesn't want a long engagement and their original wedding day didn't work out so they decided to elope and have the celebration/ another wedding in November. yes everyone will know they will be eloping beforehand, well at least she is telling all her family and bridesmaids. Im not sure if the rest of the people she is inviting will know. this whole thing has just been very wishy washy and being that I was a bride before I would never make someone give me a bachelorette party and buy a dress that was that much money if I was already married.

Hard pass on this. If you are eloping, you don't get a wedding later!

I am in the same boat, my best friend/ MOH eloped with just her H and her parents last June and is still planning her full wedding/reception this April like she isn't already married. It annoys me, I did give her a bachelorette party, but I told her I didn't want to spend a fortune on the dress. It bothers me to jump through hoops when she is already married. Do what you feel is best, she is my best friend, so I wasn't going to miss it even if I don't agree with her decision.

No I don't want to back out as a BM because I feel like that would put a wedge in between us. we had a few things happen during my wedding and things are just starting to get better between us.

Well, literally your only obligation as a BM is to show up in the dress. Don't offer to host/participate in any showers or parties if you don't want to.

I wouldn't mind spending $150 and showing up to the "wedding" to keep the peace.

The bachelorette party at that point will make absolutely no sense... At the very least, that should be nixed. If I were you I wouldn't host any showers/parties involved with it, but I can understand participating in the day to keep the peace.

I will also have to spend money on the alterations as well. it just that type of dress that you have to get alterations if that makes any sense. so I will probably spend about 200 or more depending on how much alteration are. Not trying to complain I just find this very hard for me to spend this much money seeing that the dresses I had pick out for my girls had alterations included into the price and they only spent 130.

I'm with MMB. I would probably stand up in the wedding, but not host or participate in a shower or bachelorette. And only because it's your SIL - in most cases, I would decline to be a bridesmaid if the couple were already married.

Well, your only options are buying the dress or not buying the dress (stepping down as a BM) and causing a rift in the relationship, as you said. So, I'm not sure what other advice I can give you.

But I also think that if you had a problem with the price of the dress, that should have been brought to the bride's attention from the start.

The problem with bring up the price of the dress is when anyone tries to talk wedding with her she says it all to stressful and she cant talk about it.

What does your husband think of it all? It's his family, he may know best how to proceed.

If it's too stressful to plan things she should just elope and cancel the celebration. It's pointless to stress out over a party.

He is thinking the same way that i am that its dumb to make people pay for things when they will already be married. He just doesnt know how to put it and ask them about not spending that money since she keeps saying that she doesn't want to talk about it.

I think she's missing the whole point of eloping (to minimize stress and complexity in my opinion)... I would definitely try to stay out of it. Refuse to host the bachelorette party and shower since they'll be married already (but you could attend if someone else plans it, no point in pissing her off), and bite your tongue and buy the dress. If your hair and dress are the only thing you have to pay for I don't think it's worth a huge fight but I don't like conflict...