S
Dedicated June 2010

sister getting married right after me- help!

soon to be..., on August 28, 2009 at 9:35 AM Posted in Planning 0 27
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Hi everyone- my sister got engaged about 4 months after me, and promised me her wedding would be a year after mine. She just moved the date up to 3 months after my wedding and I am pissed and thinking about asking her to not be my maid of honor: she is clearly too busy doing her own wedding to help me out now. My mom is on her side, since my sister says it's the only way she can be happy. Am I right to be a little angry? I know it will still be my special day, but family and friends from out of town are probably going to choose either my wedding or hers, and that makes my wedding feel less special. Am I being a bridezilla here or am I sane in wanting my wedding to be special and just about me?

27 Comments

Latest activity by Kaytee, on January 13, 2011 at 4:21 PM
  • Amanda
    Devoted May 2010
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    If you think family will really pick weddings then I can see how you would be upset. But if she really has a specific month or something in mind I'm sure she didn't want to have to wait till the next year to come around because this year will be too close to your wedding. If she is your MOH I assume you two are close. Just sit down and discuss your concerns with her and ways you could both make sure you have special 'my wedding' time where the focus is on one of you, not both of you. I think if you talk about it now and know how this makes both of you feel it will be easier to not hurt the others feels and make sure you both are getting want you want and not stepping on toes.

    • Reply
  • 0
    Super May 2010
    05.01.2010 ·
    • Flag

    Do you really think that your family would only come to one of your weddings? Its not like they are a week apart. That would give your family plenty of time to make two trips. I would be very sad and angry if my family did that to me but I just can't see family choosing one wedding over the over. Maybe you are just thinking the worst case here.

    • Reply
  • Mrs Knight
    Super September 2009
    Mrs Knight ·
    • Flag

    We are getting married just less than 3 months after my fiance's brother and thought his family wouldn't be able to come considering we have only been engaged for less than 3 months. But surprisingly they were really excited to come and his brother's wedding was a disaster as far as family goes, I wasn't technically family yet and I was offended by how the bride's family treated ours, but the still want to come and are coming.

    This is the second time I have heard complaining like this and I think it is really sad that siblings can't be excited for each other! I'm sorry but just because you are getting married doesn't put all everyone else' lives on hold. 3 months is a 1/4 of a year. You didn't want to wait forever to get married after you were proposed to so why should your sister have to just because you were proposed to first?

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  • FMS, the barefoot wife!
    Master August 2010
    FMS, the barefoot wife! ·
    • Flag

    My Brother got married in April and my Sister got married in May, Lots of family came to both, you shouldn't worry about it! Everything will be fine and your day will still be special, it doesn't matter how many of your family is there, it just matters if they most importnat family members are there..

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Expert September 2009
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    Not to be rude, but look on the bright side: at least her wedding is after yours and not before. Life is too short to get upset. Be happy for each other - share your planning tips with her - I bet she'll appreciate them. And as far as family only attending one wedding, I would be surprised if that happened. How far are the OOTers coming?

    • Reply
  • S
    Dedicated June 2010
    soon to be... ·
    • Flag

    Thanks for everyone's comments. I'm most worried that our family will be financially taxed by having to travel for 2 weddings, with all the kids, in such a short time period. We're not very wealthy, and live all over hte country, so traveling 2 times, often with families of 5 and 6, in just a few months is really tough. The out of towners are from new york, california, wisconsin, massachusetts and florida, so it's a long haul for all of them. I don't think anyone in our family would WANT to attend only one, but financially and time off work might necessitate such a decision. Thanks, especially, "the future mrs. han". I wish my sister would accept some of the planning tips, but she's decided to not involve anyone in the family in her wedding planning, she just wants to make it a big secret, which is a shame, because she still expects my parents to pay for it. She won't even tell me or my parents what church she's getting married at! this wedding thing has totally changed her~

    • Reply
  • Skoogirl
    Dedicated October 2009
    Skoogirl ·
    • Flag

    I agree with the others here. 3 months is plenty of time for people to regroup for another wedding. Look at it as a bonding experience for the two of you. I personally hate the idea that "my" wedding is supposed to be about "me." It's my FH's day too, my mom's day, his mom's day, a family reunion, opportunity to entertain all the people we love and just a wonderful celebration. Think of it that way and try to be happy for your sister and sensitive to her wanting "her" day too. You get one day, not the whole year.

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  • Jessica
    Super October 2009
    Jessica ·
    • Flag

    I can understand you being a little put out by it, but it could be a hell of a lot worse. The best thing to do is talk to your sister about it. Go out to lunch and talk game plan. Make a pact that you'll both do whatever you can to make the other's day just as special as you each deserve. For instance, she'll promise to focus on making your day all about you and you FH and what you want, and you promise the same for her. That way you both can have the day you dream of. You're SISTERS - you can work it out. Even though your irritated with the situation right now, I know you want her day to be just as special and magical as she wants it to be. Just make sure you express that you're happy she's happy, but you want to work together so that one wedding doesn't overshadow the other. Best of luck!

    • Reply
  • Kari95630
    Expert October 2009
    Kari95630 ·
    • Flag

    I totally feel your pain! My younger sister got engaged ONE week after me to a guy she had only been with for 10 months (my FI and I have been together for over 7 years!). Then to make matters worse, she stole my wedding month AND location!! I was the one who had to push MY wedding back a year for her!! I thought I held some kind of seniority over her, but apparently not!

    • Reply
  • Marek Nawalani
    Marek Nawalani ·
    • Flag

    Think positive. Be happy for you and your sister. Its a special time for you stop worry and enjoy a moment.

    • Reply
  • Shell
    Master June 2009
    Shell ·
    • Flag

    Kari95630 i understand your situation and feel you have the right to be super pissed,

    but not so much with soon to be... you can be alittle upset but dont dwell on it for more then 10 minuets if that bc then you'll let it eat away at you. and shouldnt you be happy for ur sister?

    • Reply
  • wonderful moment
    Master March 2010
    wonderful moment ·
    • Flag

    I would be upset, but you did tell her not to get marry until the following year and that would be in Jan right? Not too long ago I just found out my Cousin is getting marry three months after me as well. And she is one of by bridesmaid. Look at it this way you are different from your sister and everyone loves you. It should be a day about you and your FH not caring who showed up or what not. People and family will always be the same and if they missed out on your special day than that is on them not you. Don't worry they probably will come to both. Since she is your MOH how about you be her MOH and work on things together.

    • Reply
  • Kari95630
    Expert October 2009
    Kari95630 ·
    • Flag

    Shell, I'm totally over it now. She got married last August and mine's in 36 days!! Not to mention she's one of my BM's too. It all worked out (even though it sucked sharing the spotlight)! =)

    • Reply
  • S
    Dedicated June 2010
    soon to be... ·
    • Flag

    I would love to be in her bridal party, but she's mad that I'm getting married right before her and stealing her spotlight (I think she chose her date after mine was already set it stone, so it's not my fault) so I'm not going to be asked to be a bridesmaid or even a reader or anything. Which is weird, because she's my maid of honor, and makes the situation complex.... oh well, I am very happy for her, but wish that we could experience this together and that she would be happy for me: I would love to see my little sister try on dresses, etc. but she won't let me even know when she goes to try them on: like I said, the wedding has really changed her and our relationship.

    • Reply
  • southerngirl
    Super December 2009
    southerngirl ·
    • Flag

    It sounds like you're already calming down about it. Your wedding is first and was planned out first so she's the one who should be worried about people making the second trip. Just enjoy your planning and help your sister where you can. She might change her mind about how involved you will be for the wedding. At least you won't have to worry about multitasking betweeen your wedding and hers so much. Don't expect much help from her as MOH but check out an earlier post about bridesmaids--they are not our slaves and we should be nothing but gracious for any help they do provide.

    • Reply
  • AmyLeigh
    Dedicated October 2009
    AmyLeigh ·
    • Flag

    I understand (both of) your frustration; I got engaged when I wasn't expecting it, and my older sister, who had been hoping to get married for some time, sort of forced her engagement one month later. I agreed to let her get married first since she is older, and she promised me that her wedding would be at least six months before mine (my date had already been reserved, and $2500 deposit put down). Then she decided to have her wedding three months before mine, and then changed it to one month before mine. I had to (lovingly) put my foot down, and explain that it's just too much stress on the family to have two weddings in one month, so she moved hers back to three months before. I think the key is to just shower attention on each other - that way neither of you feels like your wedding or experience is being diminished. I found that the family gave equal attention to our wedding planning, and it was just a matter of giving enough attention to each other. Good luck working things out!

    • Reply
  • Adriana
    Expert September 2009
    Adriana ·
    • Flag

    My sister got married in May but it was more like a house party verse a wedding reception! HEr and her Hubby were cooking food during the reception! One thing I know is I learned a lot of what not to do and what to do different from her wedding. she did get engaged with her hubby before me they were only together for like a month and it was like an agreement between them no real proposal and the family wasnt sure if they were serious! I asked my fh at a halloween party we had in front of all our friends and family and on a mic and he had no clue and we were together for 2 yrs already and have a baby. It's sad to say but everyone seems more excited about my wedding than they were about hers It was sad only like 2 people came up for the dollar dance and no one wanted to catch the boquet it was sad no one even danced. I am worried they will act the same for mine. I did help her out on her wedding day though her wedding wasnt traditional at all and mine is all about tradition so i dunno.

    • Reply
  • Shell
    Master June 2009
    Shell ·
    • Flag

    Soon to be... thats really lame that shes being so immature about this. im sure people will see and think "why isnt her sister even in the wedding!?"

    im sorry you wont get to experiance this with her how sisters should. i was a crappy moh for my sister, but i was 19 and immature and caught up in my own life.

    she however was amazing for me. and ill have to thank her with an amazing baby shower (when the time comes)

    best of luck to you both :]

    • Reply
  • Linda
    Devoted June 2010
    Linda ·
    • Flag

    If you two are close then she should be your maid of honor! Dont let something silly like this make you not ask her to be your maid of honor..although, i understand that you'd be a little hurt...My sister was with her fiance for a year when they got engaged, me and my fiance were together 6 months when we got engaged...me and my sister got engaged two weeks apart and now our weddings are two weeks apart!im sure it aggravated her a little :/..now shes totally fine with it...she's glad we get to plan our weddings together, get ideas and suggestions off each other...we're each others maid of honor! So, just dont let it bother you...but again, i totally understand where you'd be angry.just look at the positive side!

    • Reply
  • Gershelda
    VIP October 2009
    Gershelda ·
    • Flag

    Skoolgurl: I love the comment "opportunity to entertain all the people we love and just a wonderful celebration." Give it a whole new perpective.

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