Signing papers before wedding

Once you sign the papers you are legally married and any ceremony afterwards would not be a wedding. You need to tell your guests what sort of even they are attending, a celebration of marriage.

Yes, people get married prior to their big celebrations all the time, and for many reasons (insurance, birth of children, deployment, health concerns, etc. etc.). Doing so, however, does change things a bit. For example, as the previous person mentioned, you would no longer be inviting your guests to a wedding later on; rather, you would be inviting them to a vow renewal or a celebration of marriage. You would also be forfeiting any pre-wedding gift giving events (such as a bridal shower); as well as bachelor/bachelorette parties (since you will be neither after being married). But in terms of having a ceremony (ie, vow renewal) and reception at a later date - absolutely! Wear the dress, eat the cake, party with your loved ones!

I agree with PP. Married is married. You can’t be engaged and married at the same time. You would need to be honest with your guests that they are being invited to a celebration of marriage, not a wedding ceremony. These can be as nice as any wedding reception. I also agree that it would be in poor taste to elope and accept any pre-wedding events. You’re a wife at that point not a bride to be.

In situations such as this, the second event would be a celebration of your recent marriage. Like everyone above, I recommend being transparent with your guests.

I’m not sure if this is a regional / geographical thing, but where I live (NYC) no one cares the slightest about a pre-reception legal marriage. Almost everyone does it, sometimes they don’t tell anybody, and if/when we’ve later found out we did not care at all. We’ve had friends who told us in advance and still no one cared- old guests, young, no one cared lol. We were all still super excited to give gifts, throw showers, and celebrate the couple at their “formal” wedding.

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That may be your experience in NYC, but a TON of people I know in that area are the ones who pointed me out to the huge breach in manners this is. Basically, you have just said that all most everyone in the NYC area lies to their loved ones and doesn't care about it. That is very presumptuous that you know what EVERYONE in NYC does and feels about an item.

I literally JUST heard in my own social circle of a situation like this. Everyone was polite to the couple's faces, but there is a lot of blowback in private. Some people didn't care, but some really weren't pleased. Personally, I wasn't at the wedding though.

View Quoted Comment I would say definitely not a regional thing. My cousin and her now husband live in NYC. They decided to elope in Vegas, just the 2 of them. But they made sure to announce their nuptials to all their friends and family prior to hosting a reception about 6 months later. I think there are definitely exceptions to the rule. For example, when people have destination weddings abroad, they oftentimes sign their marriage license before leaving (or after returning) because of the legality of getting married abroad is sometimes very complicated. I think if it’s within a week or 2 of the reception, then no one really cares; it’s just regarded a legal detail. It’s when couples get married months, or even a year, in advance that people start seeing it as a betrayal/ in poor taste.

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Also in a major city on the East Coast, and while I don't think this is geographical, nobody I personally know would care in the slightest if someone had a pre-reception legal marriage for something such as insurance purposes without telling guests. It's 2023, not 1923! My family and friends are all pretty progressive/liberal people. Clearly, many others still view this as a major etiquette breach, so OP should be mindful of their crowd. In my personal opinion, to deny a bride pre-wedding events just because she needs to sign marriage paperwork early because our backwards country doesn't provide universal healthcare is close-minded at best, cruel at worst.

View Quoted Comment Lol yes… that is my experience in NYC which is exactly what I said. Based on my own experience. God bless you.

View Quoted Comment Also just to be clear- I never claimed to speak for everyone in NYC. Not sure why my response upset you so much, but again God bless.

View Quoted Comment Probably because you literally said “where I live (NYC) no one cares about a pre-reception legal wedding” which is quite a broad and presumptuous thing to say.

If you are referring to people in your own personal circles, particularly since neither you or FI is originally from the US, just say as far as you are aware it doesn’t bother the people you know.

But it’s not appropriate etiquette here to intentionally mislead guests as to the nature of an event nor is it regional. The only exception is when it is customary, as in some countries or religious traditions for the legal or religious marriage to be performed shortly beforehand. But in that case it's common knowledge and most everyone knows the drill.

Thank you everyone for the great advice! It has helped put new perspectives on the situation!🥰