Should you Marry before Boot Camp?

Just something to consider: when he leaves for basic and his job (MOS) training, you won’t be able to go with him regardless if you’re married or not. Also, is he planning on reserves or active duty? If active, are you prepared to relocate as soon as he’s done training?

I think with the length of time you’ve been together, it wouldn’t be rushing but there’s still a lot of things to discuss/consider when the military is involved.

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He is planning on going active duty but I will not be locating with this immediately. When we know where he will be stationed, I will start the job search but not move until I find one. I know Engineering jobs can be hard to come by and living on his private's wage with my student loan debt while I look for a new job just won't work.

I know I can't live with this during BCT and AIT which will take 4 and a half months with the job he wants. But, I would be able to get his housing stipend during that time as his dependent and after we were apart for more than 30 days I believe I could get separation pay.

View Quoted Comment This may have changed so I’d discuss with his recruiter, but when my ex-husband joined 12 years ago, spouses weren’t given separation pay during training. You also can’t get his housing unless your mortgage/rental agreement includes his name.

My fiancée just joined the Air Force, we got engaged right before she left for Basic in March. She’s in Tech right now (essentially the AF’s AIT) and we’re getting married next week so I can be added to her orders. What works best for you might be different, but we decided it would be a lot harder to plan a wedding in the future, when we’d have to work with deployments and moving to who knows where.

You can always move on your own to wherever he is, but there are perks to already being married. He’ll get more pay, they’ll pay to move you too, and I’m not sure what the rules for the Army are for living off base when you aren’t married.

Also - most of what I’ve learned the past few months is Air Force information, but I would definitely look into Army spouse support groups when you get closer to him leaving. It’s been great for getting emotional support, but also just getting answers to general questions you have about military life.

Ok first, don’t let your parents bully you out of this bc the roles are reversed. I moved with a long term boyfriend when I was 23 and he found some odd jobs in the new town but I mostly supported us. Eventually I decided I wanted a different life and we broke up, but I did love him at the time and my mom was always trying to tear us apart which I still resent her for even though I’m with someone else. Second, I would usually say people who get married because of the military are rushing and should wait. But the fact that you are together 7 years makes me think you’d be fine. I’m 29 and my fiancé is 35 and he was in the military when we started dating, got out, and is considering going back. I don’t think it matters whether you’re married first or not, just know you may be moving often in the future and he may have deployments or TDY at inconvenient times (not that it’s ever a good time).

It is 100% better to be married before boot camp. Your paperwork will be set up. He will make more money and he most likely will not be living in the barracks when he gets to his first duty station. You guys would be getting dependent BAH and BAS. You would also be getting medical insurance.

I've been with my fiance for almost 4 years. He's in the national guard and we went through not only bootcamp and training but also an 11 month overseas deployment. He proposed the week before he left but before that we had talked about maybe marrying beforehand. In the end we felt it'd be too much of a rush and I'm glad we waited, the only benefit really for us being married beforehand was he would have gotten an extra $500 per paycheck. The wedding planning gave me something to do while he was deployed and contact wasn't always constant. You'll be relying solely on letters for bootcamp and possibly even training. I won't lie- the deployment was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and it was a really dark time but in a weird way the wedding planning helped a lot because it kept me focused on something else and not how much I was missing him. He chose only a 3 year contract and he's out next month thankfully, we're both so over it but that's just us.

If you wait and just do some planning while he's gone it can really show you how well you work together as a team to plan something so huge, how much trust you put in each other, and how to overcome new obstacles you never have to face in a normal every day setting. Its an eye opener and it brought us closer together. In the end the choice is yours but maybe write down all the pros and cons before making a decision.

I'm opting to get married before he goes to boot camp. We're getting married in October & he can go to boot camp as soon as we get back from our honeymoon. This was the better choice for me because a court house wedding is just not an option for me personally. I was told - by the recruiter - once he's in basic I'm on his benefits already. Being married before gives you more benefits as well.

Thank you everyone. We have discussed it some more and are going to get married in January 2020 before he leaves. We were planning on getting married in October of 2020 regardless. We are only deciding to move up the wedding because of the Army, not plan one all together so we think it is for the right reasons.

I will not be following him from station to station, at least not at first. I know he will not be making much money in the lower ranks and adding me to the contract won't add much. The little it does add will help him wherever he is stationed, while I stay home and continue to work at my job.

At least getting married before he leaves means we will not have to depend on his leave being approved for the wedding (let alone a honeymoon). We can enjoy the time we have together as a married couple before he heads off to BCT.

We were separated for the better part of 5 years while I was attending college, so we have done long distance before. I know this time will be harder because there will be less communication (letters instead of Skype during BCT) but I know we can do it.

To anyone who finds this post later wondering the same thing, make a pros and cons list, take some time to think before making such a large decision and follow your heart.

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This comment made me feel so much better! My boyfriend is leaving for the Air Force in 5 months and we’re planning on getting engaged before he leaves, but not married. Every post I’ve been seeing has been telling me to get married before he leaves, but I just don’t think we’re ready for that! Seeing your story made me feel so much better on waiting!