Should you involve your future Brother/sister in-laws in your wedding planning?

I would say you shouldn’t do anything out of a sense of obligation. If you are close with her and really want her involved in (some, or all) events, then invite her! If not, then just don’t mention anything to her and only invite those you really want present.

Do you regularly socialize with them and have a super close relationship? If so, then feel free to invite them. It’s not required because not everyone is best friends with in laws. Some people say that it’s rude to not include them even if there is no relationship between you two. Others feel that only those who have a super close best friend relationship should included in those intimate moments. Only best friends (closest relationships) should be a bridesmaid. Planning is between you and fiancé equally, not outsiders. If she has not made any initiative to show interest in pre wedding arrangements, don’t force it. Many people prefer to be guests only even though there is a belief that if someone is not a bridesmaid that they are disrespected and that is not true at all.

Unless you had an existing relationship prior to her relationship with your brother or you guys are really close then I can understand why she didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid. Bridesmaids are usually close friends and family of the bride. If your brother had wanted to include you in the wedding party he could have had you be a groomswoman. But since you weren't a bridesmaid, it makes sense that you weren't included in bridesmaids dress shopping or the bachelorette party. She or whoever hosted/created the guest list for the bridal shower should have included in that. Typically the bridal shower is for close female friends and relatives of both the bride and groom.


With all this being said it is up to you how involved you want her to be. If you wouldn't consider her one of your closest relationships then I wouldn't include her as a bridesmaid which means there would be no reason for her to go dress shopping with you and your girls or attend the bachelorette. I would invite her to the bridal shower regardless of whether you were invited to hers or not.

Prior to covid my brother and SiL were set to have a destination wedding, and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. They ended up eloping during COVID, and then I got engaged. I never asked her or any of my in laws to be in my party.

I view this as I'll probably get stressed and vent to my bridesmaids, I don't want a forming relationship to hear my woes about wedding planning. Even if my vents and woes are just gawking at price tags and my date being booked for everything lol.

There's absolutely no obligation to have someone in your bridal party, whether they're family, asked you to be in their bridal party in the past, etc. These should be the people you would willingly choose to be around. You'll be spending such a huge part of your wedding day with your bridal party, and you shouldn't pick someone you don't 100% want to be around for hours.

My bridal party had to be up super early for hair and makeup, and I know if I had picked some people out of obligation vs people I was close with, I would have gotten an earful. Instead, my bridal party all came together, we had a good time, and the day went great! That's the thing you're looking for.

If you don’t feel like your relationship is any closer than how it was during their wedding then I don’t think you’re obligated to involve her. If she didn’t feel close enough to you to involve you and you haven’t bonded since then you could easily say you also just don’t feel close enough to involve her now.

The time I would think to have a FSIL on the bridal party would be if it was a courtesy to a younger woman who hadn't gotten the experience being on some wedding party yet. For your current SIL, that certainly is not the case. But still could be done if you saw it as a reasonable, friendly option. However, that option is not really needed as far as i can tell.

Did you throw a bridal shower for your SIL then? In my culture, the groom's family does something for the bride rather than wait to be invited. I also think it's questionable your side gossips about your now SIL. Anyway your generation can create their own traditions and that doesn't have to include obligatory wedding parties. If you're not close now, no need to hurry things with a suspect invite. Just let any relationship between you two evolve on its own time.